Feb 27, 2009 08:48PM binney4 wrote:

Hi, Addison,

You must be so worried, and I'm so sorry -- what a time it's been for you!

Grief takes time. She has lost a lot in a very short time, with all the fear and worry of the experience taking a toll as well. So often our loved ones assume when the treatment is over we'll be only relieved and fine again, but it's not that easy, or that quick. During the time of the diagnosis and treatment we're just trying to get through it. When it's over we have to sort out SOOOO much stuff. Grief and anger and a new sense of our own vulnerability. Not to mention sheer emotional exhaustion. And I'll say it again: grief. Give her time, support, understanding. Find some way to let her know it's okay with you if she takes her time about this, that her feelings are okay, that she's not dragging you down.

We don't exactly "get over" this. We do arrive at an understanding, and with support we get past the depression, but this experience changes us, and we need time to adjust. It's not all bad, but it's not easy.

Is there a cancer support group around? That can help, because she'd have a chance to talk to others who are feeling the same things she is. Or, if her cancer center has a counselling service perhaps she'd be willing to talk to someone there. For that matter there might even be a care-givers group, where you could share YOUR experience with others who are trying to deal with depressed or withdrawn loved ones. The helplessness and feeling of being on the outside looking in can be so daunting! Please do take good care of yourself -- she needs you!

Hugs to you both,
Binney