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Sep 17, 2012 02:06AM
My ex was living a double life and I found out the day after his daughter was born. During the whole time of his double life, he gave no indication, made plans for our future and the only signs towards the end were indications of mild depression, lol turned out he had good reason to be depressed as his two lives were about to collide. He lied (dont they all) said it was a one night stand and he was just taking responsibility, I fell for it and thought we were trying to sort things out, but that turned out to be just so he could have a place to sleep till he could work out how to get his mistress into the country legally. I was dx with bc 6 months after he left for good.
My divorce papers came mid way through chemo and he tried to force me to sign settlement papers during that whole period too, saying of course he wasnt trying to rip me off. I got angry from the pressure, ended up telling him to talk to my solicitor, I hired one and did all the paperwork once chemo brain receded a bit and he sure as heck was trying to rip me off) Im now 3.5 years out from chemo and while I miss having "someone" in my life, no way I would want that lying mongrel back. How someone can turn from being your soulmate, the one person in the world who will "get" you everytime, to a monster that you dont even recognise anymore is what puzzles me.
Its not easy and we all know we would have been there for them, if it was them that had been dx'd with something serious. I think men just think differently from us, they have midlife crisis and dont seem to have a conscious. My ex, honest to god seems to have just blocked out what he did, how he lied to ALL family and friends for years and then when it was convenient for him, he just moved on with his new life, new job, existing mistress and baby.
Im doing okay, not miserable but not ecstatically happy either and I do dwell on it all occasionally if I dont keep myself distracted with other things. Certainly not about to trust another man though, which is a shame, I was a good wife lol. Clearly wasnt clingy or he never would have gotten away with so much for so long. lmao, he walked out the last time saying he loved only me, but had to set up house with the mistress as she wouldnt let him see his kid otherwise, likely story huh A fine examle of how men try to make themselves look good and fail miserably.
Persevere ladies and dont let those pittiful excuses for men do more damage to our lives than they already have. I would never set out to hurt my ex or his family in any way but I do hope that Karma turns up someday and kicks him in the butt.
Oddly due to the marriage breakup, bc didnt really hit me that hard. I just did what I was told and tried not to think at all, just concentrated on getting well.
I hope anyone out there going through this at present realises none of this is our fault, we didnt do anything but love and trust our husbands, they are the ones who have to live with and answer for their actions now and in the future. We just have to live and get through our tx's and try as best we can to move on with having happy healthy lives.
12/4/2008, DCIS, 6cm+, Stage 0, Grade 3, 1/18 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
12/4/2008, IDC, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 2, 1/18 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
12/14/2008 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left
12/18/2008 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary
1/18/2009 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Ellence (epirubicin), Fluorouracil (5-fluorouracil, 5-FU, Adrucil), Taxotere (docetaxel)
8/9/2009 Arimidex (anastrozole)