Topic: STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Forum: Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts — Meet and support others who are affected by these issues around anxiety, depression, and other emotional effects.

Posted on: Jul 16, 2015 12:21PM - edited Aug 2, 2017 01:46AM by sas-schatzi

Posted on: Jul 16, 2015 12:21PM - edited Aug 2, 2017 01:46AM by sas-schatzi

sas-schatzi wrote:

This thread is meant to be for RANTS and RANTING. Then Rant again. We need a place to simply get rid of the anger. Write it here. Unleash it all. Get it out. This isn't meant for the Stupid comments(great thread). This is for the gut wrenching, tell them off anger.

IMPORTANT: When done ranting don't necessarily stick around. Toxic. Drop the rant and find a better thread.

Only rules: Please, follow them as the Mods will shut it down in a heartbeat( waving Mods)

1. Be careful to not mention docs, nurses, hospitals by name. Defamation and all that tedious legal stuff

2. If it's caused by someone on BCO, just don't mention their name. I think the exception will be if someone is stalking you, blow their anonymity wide open. A stalker doesn't deserve politeness.

3. If you think the rant is about you, let it go, they're no names. Don't take it personal. This is the steam room.

4. If they're is a fight, don't expect the Mods to moderate, it was your choice to come here.

5. After writing a rant, do nothing more, re-read at a future time. Decide if it's important enough for you to cut and paste the rant to whomever caused you the anger. It's a choice. Sometimes it needs to be done, but remember they're can be fall out.

6. ######## pound those keys, SCREAM(caps), J*&R$WSDF&(swear)

7. Religion and politics discussion should go to those topical threads. IF their is something that impacts cancer, it belongs here.

I will revise topic box as needed-sassy

For puking and the color works pukeewogh

Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out shouting "holy crap....what a ride".
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Apr 4, 2018 09:33PM SheliaMarie wrote:

Just remember, runor, you never have to pretend here. I’d be worried as well.

Dx 7/7/2008, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, ER+/PR-, HER2- Surgery 7/10/2008 Lumpectomy: Left Chemotherapy 8/7/2008 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Ellence (epirubicin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Radiation Therapy 1/1/2009 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Surgery 2/1/2009 Prophylactic ovary removal Hormonal Therapy 2/15/2009 Arimidex (anastrozole), Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Dx 5/24/2017, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, 1/1 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Targeted Therapy 5/25/2017 Kisqali Hormonal Therapy 5/25/2017 Aromasin (exemestane) Chemotherapy 4/10/2018 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Chemotherapy 6/10/2018 Halaven (eribulin) Radiation Therapy 6/18/2018 External: Chest wall Chemotherapy 8/26/2018 Ixempra (ixabepilone) Dx 10/30/2018, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to lungs Dx 11/7/2018, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, ER+/PR-, HER2- Radiation Therapy 11/12/2018 External: Bone Chemotherapy 11/12/2018 Xeloda (capecitabine)
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Apr 4, 2018 10:15PM Juniper81 wrote:

I am angry, mad, closed off. So many different emotions each day since finding out your having a BMX. Today my papers came in from both surgeons telling me what I need to do for surgery. All the times of things happening and my husband have me this look like it sucks but you got to do it and I lost it. Closed the papers didn't want to talk about it. No one understands but you ladies. I want to run, I want to ignore it all. I keep trying to stay positive. I do for so many except my husband and closest friend. But I am a mess. Each day is a day closer to surgery, 3 weeks. And within that I have other doctor visits and tests for other things. .. I am just frozen in place. Thanks for letting me get that out.


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Apr 5, 2018 12:56AM DancingElizabeth wrote:

Juniper - ((((Hugs)))). The beginning of all of this mess - is enormously overwhelming... A lot to do while a lot to process - at the same time. I remember wishing that time would stand still and I wanted to hide in my bed and just stay there until I felt safe. But, had to keep going. I made lots of lists of things I needed to do - and just kept moving forward. But, it took everything in me - to keep moving forward. My sister was a lot more supportive than my DH. He actually wasn't that supportive... You will get through this!!

Runor: EXACTLY!!!! Thank-you for putting it all words...It feels good to read your posts!!

Dx 4/13/2016, DCIS/IDC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 3/23 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 5/18/2016 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 5/31/2016 Lymph node removal: Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary Chemotherapy 7/6/2016 AC + T (Taxol) Radiation Therapy 11/8/2016 Hormonal Therapy 11/9/2016
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Apr 5, 2018 05:37AM m0mmyof3 wrote:

I've had several people (some in my own family) tell me I needed counseling to deal with having had cancer. I feel like telling them to F' Off! because where was this phony concern when I first started dealing with cancer! One woman that my hubby works with even went so far as to say the only reason I went through reconstruction was for him! My hubby shut her down with, “No, she didn't do it for me. She did it for herself and her own reasons, including the fact that it would have been harder to deal with having to look at herself in the mirror and seeing her body has physically changed and it wouldn’t be the same ever again if she didn’t do it.”

Some people just don’t get it or would know how to deal with it if it happened to them.

If you value your freedom, thank a servicemember both serving and retired!
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Apr 5, 2018 01:23PM - edited Apr 5, 2018 01:24PM by Artista964

to be clear, if the aim is at me with my therapy info, thats not saying there's something wrong with you. Cancer sucks. People suck. It's meant to help you work through the anger, depression, anxiety. We can't change people and many situations we are in, but there is help when you've had enough of being in the shitty state you're in. Make the changes you can. I cut off most of my fam after i came out of the psych ward when they acted like it was nothing and threw away the material to educate them. Best decision ever.

Dxd at 50. Went thru it all on my own by choice. Dx 6/2/2015, IDC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 1/4 nodes, PR+, HER2- Surgery 8/6/2015 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (right): Silicone implant Chemotherapy 11/3/2015 AC + T (Taxotere) Radiation Therapy 5/4/2016 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 6/28/2016 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Apr 5, 2018 01:43PM DancingElizabeth wrote:

My feeling is - what can therapy really *change*? I've tried it - at the suggestion of others. It's done nothing for me. The fact that I had BC - will always be a fact. Therapy doesn't change that.

The *only* thing that actually does help me - is going to the gym. Not sitting in front of someone - having to answer questions. The gym doesn't ask questions. Working-out makes me feel free...and makes me feel safe. I don't know how else to explain it...but for me - therapy doesn't work and an hour in an exercise class or on the stationary bike is much more effective and cheaper!!!

Dx 4/13/2016, DCIS/IDC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 3/23 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 5/18/2016 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 5/31/2016 Lymph node removal: Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary Chemotherapy 7/6/2016 AC + T (Taxol) Radiation Therapy 11/8/2016 Hormonal Therapy 11/9/2016
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Apr 5, 2018 01:46PM Lita57 wrote:

I went to more than one support group during my first year: one for St 4 women only and one monthly 4 Christians with Cancer.

I stopped going to the weekly ALL cancer group at kaiser b'cuz I wasn't getting that much out of that one. The Christian group no longer exists because the leader just passed away a couple months ago from pancreatic cancer :( and no one else has stepped forward to lead it.

The St 4 group is across the Bay, and I can't go to that one anymore because i can't drive, per dr's orders, all because of my 20+ brain mets. I've had some mild bleeding from time to time, and dr is afraid I could have a major bleed on the road and kill someone.

I may ask my palliative care doc for a referral as things continue to get worse for me. Counseling is NOT shameful. Get some if you need it. I miss the support groups as sometimes you need the face to face interaction.

L



Stage IV De Novo, Occult, Amorphic. New Brain Mets Aug 2017. Now on Gemzar and Zometa. Dragged into an arranged marriage with Mr. Cancer that I didn't agree to, and divorce is forbidden. Grateful for however many GOOD days I have left. Dx 4/14/2016, IDC, Left, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/other, ER+/PR+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 4/27/2016 External: Bone Targeted Therapy 5/15/2016 Chemotherapy 5/22/2016 Xeloda (capecitabine) Radiation Therapy 4/20/2017 External: Bone Dx 8/23/2017, IDC, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 9/6/2017 External: Brain Chemotherapy 10/10/2017 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Apr 5, 2018 02:37PM - edited Apr 5, 2018 02:40PM by Artista964

what type of therapy is key otherwise ya it's just talk. Look up cbt. That requires action on your part. It doesnt negate your feelings like you may think. Your feelings are valid. It helps you think differently to help you cope. I had this in the psych ward as a mandatory thing to attend. I was this is foo foo for awhile because i didn't give it a decent chance. My father recently had a stroke that left his left side compromised. He's doing pt but it doesn't seem to be working as well as we hope. He was playing tennis last year at 78, pillar of health with pefect labs, bp, cholesterol, etc. So it was a shock to his docs. He's a big stresser so we figure that the cause.

Im working on his mind using cbt but being respectful that his feelings are real. We are slowly working to this may be as good as it gets. It pained me to tell him you are at more risk for more strokes once you had one but he has to know so he can work on his anger and depression and anxiety. Its slooooooooow but baby steps are happening. Its a mindful daily thing to do. Cbt doesn't end. It needs to be used daily to achieve peace with things/people you cant change. Let go of the shoulds in others. Shoulds are for you for you have control of your mind.

My parents didn't do anything about my mental issues from childhood that escalated to 40 years latet being 5150 to the psych ward suicidal and all, but im there for them in their 70s dealing with their mortality, body breaking down, and fear even though im dealing with shitty ses and stage 3 bc stuff that's more than enough for me who is alone.

Bro and bff know. Bro just gives support and prayers. Bff sometimes is surprised or says things that i could get in a twist over making my headaches worsr but i know she loves me and has done a lot for me in the past esp when i had my mental rock bottom breakdown. I could say she has no experience with cancer, but shes watched her father die from it at 21 and her sis in 2015. Everyone is different in how they process it. I've learned the long hard way that I'm it in taking care of me. I don't expect others to get anything. And i feel at peace which is the best case scenario for things or people behaving badly.

Eta, not all therapists are good or kind. Like docs youneed to shop around. Make sure their credentials says cbt in it.

Dxd at 50. Went thru it all on my own by choice. Dx 6/2/2015, IDC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 1/4 nodes, PR+, HER2- Surgery 8/6/2015 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (right): Silicone implant Chemotherapy 11/3/2015 AC + T (Taxotere) Radiation Therapy 5/4/2016 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 6/28/2016 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Apr 6, 2018 02:11AM DancingElizabeth wrote:

I agree - therapy is great for some or probably most people.

I've been to about 7 different therapists and not once had it made me feel any better! In fact, I would feel much more depressed after spending an hour hashing over everything that is wrong in my life (a lot of it I can't change - so - talking about it makes me feel even worse).

I think I'm not a good candidate for therapy...:-(

Dx 4/13/2016, DCIS/IDC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 3/23 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 5/18/2016 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 5/31/2016 Lymph node removal: Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary Chemotherapy 7/6/2016 AC + T (Taxol) Radiation Therapy 11/8/2016 Hormonal Therapy 11/9/2016
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Apr 6, 2018 08:11AM Beatmon wrote:

I think you should report the clipboard Queen to the Practice manager. She is the person that needs counseling on how to speak appropriately with patients with breast cancer, or any cancer!

Some one on my friend list posted that squeaky toy in reconstructed breasts! I have a pretty dark humor, but saw absolutely NO humor in that. It takes a year out of your life and pain to do it. I suggested maybe he could try them in his balls if he had testicular or or any other male cancer. I saw it posted during whenall of the Me, too was going strong. Who touches our breast to make them squeak! Really went all over me.

Dx 7/27/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Surgery 8/9/2012 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right Surgery 12/1/2013 Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Surgery 7/1/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 8/9/2014, IDC, Both breasts, Stage IV, metastasized to lungs, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Targeted Therapy 8/27/2014 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 8/27/2014 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Chemotherapy 8/27/2014 Taxotere (docetaxel)

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