Topic: STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Forum: Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts — Meet and support others who are affected by these issues around anxiety, depression & other emotional effects.

Posted on: Jul 16, 2015 09:21AM - edited Aug 1, 2017 10:46PM by sas-schatzi

Posted on: Jul 16, 2015 09:21AM - edited Aug 1, 2017 10:46PM by sas-schatzi

sas-schatzi wrote:

This thread is meant to be for RANTS and RANTING. Then Rant again. We need a place to simply get rid of the anger. Write it here. Unleash it all. Get it out. This isn't meant for the Stupid comments(great thread). This is for the gut wrenching, tell them off anger.

IMPORTANT: When done ranting don't necessarily stick around. Toxic. Drop the rant and find a better thread.

Only rules: Please, follow them as the Mods will shut it down in a heartbeat( waving Mods)

1. Be careful to not mention docs, nurses, hospitals by name. Defamation and all that tedious legal stuff

2. If it's caused by someone on BCO, just don't mention their name. I think the exception will be if someone is stalking you, blow their anonymity wide open. A stalker doesn't deserve politeness.

3. If you think the rant is about you, let it go, they're no names. Don't take it personal. This is the steam room.

4. If they're is a fight, don't expect the Mods to moderate, it was your choice to come here.

5. After writing a rant, do nothing more, re-read at a future time. Decide if it's important enough for you to cut and paste the rant to whomever caused you the anger. It's a choice. Sometimes it needs to be done, but remember they're can be fall out.

6. ######## pound those keys, SCREAM(caps), J*&R$WSDF&(swear)

7. Religion and politics discussion should go to those topical threads. IF their is something that impacts cancer, it belongs here.

I will revise topic box as needed-sassy

For puking and the color works pukeewogh

Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out shouting "holy crap....what a ride".
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Apr 10, 2018 07:35PM meow13 wrote:

thanks Egads, If I knew my son was going to be ok and happy I can deal with it.

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Apr 10, 2018 09:03PM kathindc wrote:

Sometimes you just have to step back and let them figure it out on their own or with professional help. Don't take it personally. That's not easy to do. Be there for them when they come around. It's hard, no denying that. It does hurt you to your very core. And yes, I've been there and done that. You may want to get some counseling for yourself if for no other reason but to get some guidance.

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Apr 10, 2018 09:38PM meow13 wrote:

Just talking with micmel and egads has helped. Others seem to make it worse.

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Apr 11, 2018 12:28AM runor wrote:

Meow, hope I am not one who is about to make it worse. But from reading the last few posts, it sounds like something is going on with your son, something within himself, that is beyond his control. When a person is steeped in anxiety and depression, they change. The way they stand changes, their posture changes. Their sleeping and eating changes. And how they relate to others also changes. And who gets it the worst? Moms.

I have a theory, and it's probably a stupid one, but it's one I repeated over and over to keep from placing my HORRIBLE teen daughter into foster care, because I was done with her, just done. Over and over I told myself that you don't kick your boat if you think you're going to sink it. While it is an abuse of power for our kids to mistreat us as they do, I think they do it because they know we can withstand it. Oh, they don't give a shit how we feel about it. That is not their concern. But they KNOW that they can crap on us and we are sturdy enough, dedicated enough, smart enough and loyal enough NOT to shut the door on their crabby, little faces. No. Instead we go away, lick our wounds, maybe put some distance between us, but show up and do what needs doing when they need us. And that's why they kick us. Because they know they can't punch a hole in the boat and make it sink. It is because we are good and strong and reliable parents that it is safe for our kids to act like shitheads. It is cold comfort, I know.

My perception is that you are hurt but also fearful for your son. He seems off track, struggling. I know when my daughter has a bad time in life her reaction to overwhelming situations is to lay the blame for ALL OF IT at my feet. I used to rise to the bait. I used to argue and try to defend myself and my actions. That's what made it effective for her. She played her part and me, all hurt and offended, played mine. So I quit. When she said, "I would have a better life if I had better parents!" I say, oh yeah. It's not a question. It's not a challenge. It's just flat and dull and holds no emphasis. "I'd be better off if I'd gotten pregnant when I was 14!" Oh yeah. "I'm going to quit my job and work as a prostitute!" Oh yeah. Our kids are often scared, confused and feel powerless but they have one super power, and that makes them feel powerful and bold and that is the power to make mom feel like shit. So they do it. Because they can be pitiful assholes. We love them. But they can still be assholes.

Meow, I hope your boy finds his way. He is struggling. You are a good mom. You did the right things. You care and that makes you vulnerable to being hurt. If you did not love your son he would have ZERO power to wound you. Hold the faith that this is a rough patch but he'll get through. Hold the faith that he will grow out of it and get a brain and realize what a turd he's being. You may need to distance yourself a little, and I am so sorry for the sickening pain this causes. I know it well. But you did your job and the next phase of becoming human, that's on him.

Dx 3/23/2017, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/12/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 7/4/2017 Whole breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Apr 11, 2018 04:33AM micmel wrote:

oh.... my bad I thought we were talking about DD. Because ok it's amazing. I also have a son tooooo. A son that was mommy's little silly guy always making me smile and laugh, the same exact thing meow hapened to me with my son. He had his school all paid For. He said I hate it, I'm learning nothing. We said just get your associates and start from there into another program for bachelors degree. He went but he just didn't have what it took to do it. Plain and simple. We can lead them to water. But we can't make them choose the cool water drink instead of the trawl that has muck and bugs and days old oats in it for food choices. We can only do so much. Especially, if they aren't helping themselves. I gave him 30 days to get a full Time job...he got one. Wow Mom weeks are long. are things I am hearing now from him. I am wondering if they are the same age ? Seems to be the age of do or doom!! Hang in there darling. It does wax and wane. Like everything else does. Sending big hugs. I know it's hard. I cry everyday. For many reasons.... I just have to choose one, there at so many if we sit and look for them. But the kids they do cut like a knife. Oh yes they do. Much love ~M~ Waves to Runor, hi darling!!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Apr 11, 2018 08:08AM Cpeachymom wrote:

My husband has a good analogy for this behavior- similar to runor’s explanation. They are so lost, tossing in a turbulent sea. We are their rock, so they are always crashing against us. Full brunt of everything. And somehow as parents, it’s our job to take it. My older daughter is a freshmen in college, and she’s trying to get a rise out of me. We live 12 minutes from campus, and first she started staying with friends on campus. Ok. Then she unilaterally applied to dorm on campus. Ok, but I’m not paying for it. Now, she wants to get an apartment with her friends. Ok. She works part time- good luck. She just keeps upping the ante. This way when she fails, she can blame it on me. But I won’t take the bait, I don’t do drama. She’s been my child her whole life, you’d think she’d know better. Growing up is hard, and the only way to do it right is to screw up!

39 at Dx. Fate whispers to the warrior, 'You can not withstand the storm.' The warrior whispers back, 'I am the storm.' Dx 6/21/2017, IDC, Right, 4cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 7/4/2017 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Right Hormonal Therapy 9/10/2017 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Radiation Therapy 9/17/2017 Lymph nodes, Chest wall Surgery 10/9/2018 Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Surgery 3/24/2019 Reconstruction (right): Saline implant Hormonal Therapy Zoladex (goserelin)
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Apr 11, 2018 11:12AM - edited Apr 11, 2018 11:15AM by meow13

Thanks, I am obviously very worried but yesterday the hurt went right through me. It appears my youngest son is in a bit of denial he needs help. My older son thinks he is way too involved with a video game called Tera. He is losing his friends and resorting to playing on line. He is entering the next phase of life. I wish my older son could help but the youngest has never been nice to him or showed caring for him.

Unfortunately, I think he has to hit rock bottom before anything happens.

We all have one thing in common breast cancer, and many of us have children it really helps to talk with you.

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Apr 11, 2018 11:22AM Dianarose wrote:

My oldest son(37) and my youngest (18) are feuding. It was all a misunderstanding on the oldest sons part. He waited till there was a bunch of guys around then started screaming at him and threatening to punch him. Seriously, he was not raised like that! If he drives by the youngest son he gives him the finger. Really!!! When I tried to talk to him he told me to mind my own business or he’s done with me too. The youngest son cried as he was so hurt. The oldest is married with 4 kids. He reall needs to grow up. I’m tired of it.

6/10/13 mets to ovary now. Now mets. To peritoneal stage IV Dx 3/22/2012, ILC, Both breasts, 1cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, Grade 2, 17/17 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 5/30/2012 CMF Radiation Therapy 12/2/2012 3DCRT: Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 8/9/2013 Aromasin (exemestane) Targeted Therapy
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Apr 11, 2018 12:06PM meow13 wrote:

what we go through and breast cancer on top of it. For me the problems I can't fix I am praying.

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Apr 11, 2018 04:29PM Lula73 wrote:

sounds like a bunch of us are dealing with this type of behavior with our toddlers -er, sorry, I meant young adult children - on top of dealing with BC. Thinking we might need our own thread for this topic.🙂

-Lula Dx 1/2017, DCIS/IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 2/13/2017 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Prophylactic ovary removal; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap Hormonal Therapy 3/2/2017 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery 11/1/2017 Prophylactic ovary removal Hormonal Therapy 1/2/2018 Femara (letrozole)

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