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Aug 23, 2017 04:25AM
Aug 23, 2017 04:32AM
I am sooo glad that this forum is here. I don't want to sound like a B&*ch- however- I just may. No buts here. Its been a total SH*T year for me. My husband 'broke up' with me on October 21, 2016. I never should have married him as I now see so many red flags. He filed a Bankrupcty and bragged about it. While we were first dating he had to bring his groceries over because his ELECRICITY got turned off. And my stupid ass let him bring his food over to store in my fridge.( I've know him since I was 15 now).
The reality of it is I wanted to leave the relationship many times, but I was stuck finacially and like a complete dumb-ass, moved out of state, bought a house only in my name because his credit sucked and married him. I resented him a drank too much. He had a 4 month affair I found out about after he'd left me in 2013 and came back. Bottom line I never got over it. Time and time again I let him put stuff on CC to the total debt of 37K! DUMMY. He finally moved out in December because I stupidly let a co-worker convince me to make him move out. I was mean to him and heartless. That I take complete responsibiltiy for.
This chick seemed okay although I didnt really know her that well. I felt bad for her when she said her own sister was saying awful things like,' you walk around like the world owes you ', and ' you never clean up after yourself or your daughter' (2 years old amlost 3). I was like, OMG that's awful, we can have an all girls house, it'll be great. Never got a security deposit, nor a written agreement. My mistake, all mine. She'd asked me what my credit score was initally thinking the house was his. Let's just say you dont know somebody will you live with them. She had no respect for me or my home, Used all my cleaning prodcuts, paper towels, expensive shampoo, facial moisurizer and walked around naked. Her 3 YO dropped my 19 year old cat and he lost his balance falling down the stairs and died 1 week later.
Then had the BALLS to screw this dude and try to move his unemployed ass and his kid in. They were always in my living room or my dining room whcih only had 4 chairs, so I basically hid in my room. She stopped paying rent and said she was going to pay weekly and never did. She had her crap in my house and refused to move it out. I'd been depressed becuase I had gotten suspended from work and she said ," God Dona, it could be worse , you could have cancer. I don't know what you're so upset about" totally turning her narcissistic self into the center of attention because her mom passed away last year of cancer. B**CH, I DO and DID have cnacer!!! What an ASS. Her own sister said those awful things to her because they were true. I had been with my hsuband for 15 years. so yeah, I think I had a right to be upset. SO I wised up, found official document I could give her, changed the locks and put her SH*T on the porch. I even bagged up the trash she'd left and put it with her stuff. Yes I did put a tarp over it. I wish I didn't, but my stupid ass seeems to always give people the benefit of the doubt and 2nd, 3rd, &4th undeserved chances because, honestly, I don't know. Yes I do, its because I'm deathly afraid to be alone. Especially dying alone, like my mom did. That was hard to admit, but I'm about done with playing nice and not being honest with myself and others.
SO I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO PAY MY cc'S HAVE CREDITORS AND LAW OFFICES CALLING ME NOW. YES , I will be filing my own bakruptcy.
ANd now to the whole HER2 + & ERPR+ DX. My boobs have ALWAYS been the most sexually arousal point I've ever had, and now its either Lumpectomy (I HOPE) or MS. And I've Had sex 2x in the last 18 months and it wasn't with my husband. I went in to have a urethral sling placed in March to stop my stress incontinence and ended up with a hysterectomy instead. 3 giant fibroids were basically compressing my uterus. No wonder we had 4 failed IUI's. Oh, I hadn't mentioned that we(meaning I ) spent 10K on fertiltiy treatments.... no baby. Now I'm faced with getting my ovaries out (YIPPIE FREAKING SKIPPY) I mean I feel so scared I'll NEVER have sex agian- I meam who wants a dried up old hoo-ha anyway?!?!?!? I'm pissed, scared, angry, terrified, confused, anxious about getting so sick from my TX ( tomorrow is round 2 of TCHP). I did wise up and find a new group of doctors to go to and I do have confidence in them.... so far. At least this time I'm getting prescribed medication (dexamethasone to take the night before 1st TX nothing and my initial carboplatin dose was too high) and hopefully less SE than the last time. I lost 21 lbs in 14 days. Yes, I'll admit I'm waaayyy overweight, but that isnt the way I wanted to lose it. I gave up drinking alcohol pre chemo and as sick as I was last week with the starvation stools, dehydration and blacking out and falling, I don't think I ever will poison myself with alcohol again considering what this chemo is doing to my liver, spleen and kidneys.
I am not religious whatsoever. People say oh you're so strong, If they only knew. As sick as I was a scared, and alone, I welcomed death. Today is a different day, yes. I am getting sick of happy go lucky phoneys and I want to punch people in the face who say, 'oh you'll get through it" I'm like really, actually take my life right now, just take it, and see if you say that SH&T TO ME AGAIN!!! At least my husband who bought his own house with my 720 credit score said he will keep me on his health insurance until this is all over.
Thank you for letting me vent and hoefully, not lose my mind.
7/3/2017, IDC, Right, 2cm, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2+
8/2/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab)
8/2/2017 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel)