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Topic: DIVORCE

Forum: Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts —

Meet and support others who are affected by these issues around anxiety, depression & other emotional effects.

Posted on: Feb 2, 2016 08:28PM

CBG wrote:

My partner of 18 years decided we should end our relationship on New Year's Day. She had initially told me things had to change in Nov 2014 as I lay in the hospital bed following a double tram flap surgery. It had been a long year - for me, for her, for our kids. I was diagnosed in Jan. - had double mastectomy in Feb (on my 46th birthday) - went through chemo and half way through radiation when I got an infection that took them 6 weeks to diagnose - ended up being MRSA around the left TE. After the infection ruptured, I had TEs removed and was in the hospital a week on IV antibiotics (this was the 4th hospital visit in 5 weeks). Then I had to wear a wound vacuum as the infection left a 4 inch hole in my chest - the vacuum didn't work. I then had the tram flap surgery - and as you know this involves having most of your stomach tissue removed and is a long recovery. When my partner told me she was unhappy and things had to change - I was devastated. This was the first time in months I had hope (done with treatments and the complications over) and it was crushed in the same day. We tried (at least that is what I thought we were doing) for the next 13 months - but looking back I realize that she never intended to repair our relationship - she was done. She says that I have been depressed for many years and that made me irritable and mean. It made her depressed to the point that she started drinking too much. I started seeing a therapist, got on antidepressants - but it was too late - she had already made up her mind. Any way - we have 4 kids together (ages 14, 14, 10, and 8). She bought a new house and will be moving out soon. We will share custody of the kids. I am so sad - don't want to have a pity party but just don't see how someone who was supposed to love me, had committed to a lifetime together - could just walk away - without trying to fix things - especially after all the difficulty I had with the cancer, treatment, and complications. Can anyone make sense of this? Anyone else out there in a similar situation.

Dx 1/11/2014, IDC, Left, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 4/6 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Feb 2, 2016 11:12PM Moderators wrote:

CBG-

We're so sorry to here this. Cancer and it's treatments and recovery can be very, very difficult on relationships, and sadly, many do not survive. We hope once the hurt subsides, you're both able to focus on developing a healthy co-parenting relationship for yours and your children's sake, and that you're able to focus on staying healthy! Please lean on this community for support as you navigate this new path, we're all here for you!

The Mods

To send a Private Message to the Mods: community.breastcancer.org/mem...
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Feb 3, 2016 06:00PM MEG2 wrote:

CBG, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I was divorced long before my BC diagnosis but just wanted to add my support.

You can't change that you got cancer and that you had all of these side effects that required additional treatment and surgeries. You can't change her perspective of this time and how she decided to deal with her issues surrounding the cancer and subsequent treatments. Cancer survivorship is already hard enough without having to go through such a traumatic life change. I wish you peace and healing in this difficult time and hope that you can take this moment in life to really enjoy your children and focus on the joy they are right now. Give yourself a break, you've been through a lot; this is not an easy journey but you already proved your strength in battling BC, you are a warrior. Fight on!

Dx 7/3/2013, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 2/21 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- (FISH) Chemotherapy 7/16/2013 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 11/15/2013 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 1/6/2014 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 3/1/2014 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery 11/10/2014 Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap Hormonal Therapy 6/16/2015 Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery 7/22/2015 Reconstruction (left): Nipple reconstruction Surgery 12/2/2015 Reconstruction (left): Nipple tattoo

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