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Aug 10, 2018 11:54PM
Thank you all for the replies.
Yes from the beginning of march until halfway into June I kept seeing stuff about breast cancer popping up all over the place, on posters out in places that had me going, huh?,on internet ads,one time I saw a pamphlet on a table at the mall and it had no reason to be there.
It got so much that i looked up at the sky one day and said "is somebody trying to tell me something??.I even did a breast check with my fingers for the first time in years and felt a lump in my left breast but It disappeared not long after and I know cancer lumps don't disappear.
not the first time I had cysts so wrote it off as that. When I had pain in my right breast in may I figured same thing.pain went away so I figured it was just an active cyst. Same thing when the CT said there was a lump. I wasn't worried it was just the darned cysts being jerks again.never felt the actual cancer lump.surgeon says it's "vague" so not surprising I didn't.
I had a dreamt of two Wolves a few weeks before I had the CT where one bit me on the right arm(cancer breast) wolves are a death omen for me I dreamt of a pack in the deep woods before my dad died,I dreamt of a pack in a forest before my mom died and I dreamt of two playing in a meadow before a close family friend died,I thought I was going to get a phone call that someone I was close to died and at one point I said to a friend since it bit me and it was at the door of my childhood home (which they have never done before) maybe it's me. A month and a half later I got the cancer diagnosis.
Completely blindsided when they said it was probably cancer. The universe,God or whoever had been trying to tell me since early spring and I ignored it.
Now every time I think of just doing a lumpectomy and rads something inside me is saying "it's not going to be enough" when I think dmx that feeling goes "your chances are better,not 100%, but better"
Since my dreams try to tell me things,If the dream I had a half a week ago comes true .where I was at my childhood home and checked the mailbox and there was a pathology report in an envelope and when I opened and read what was inside it said metastasized to liver 3cm tumor. I will get liver mets eventually if it's the universe or my body trying to tell me something.
Considering what came before I'm not ignoring it even though I fully admit it could be fear based so I'm going into this realizing it may already be too late.but maybe I buy myself a few more years. Make what's left of my life worth something then the worthless pathetic mess it is now.im also not 100% sure I will survive surgery even though I am doing my best to physically prepare for it.
Bluntly put I've had too many "prophetic" dreams and "feelings"that have literally saved my life a few times so I am learning not to ignore anything anymore.i shouldn't have this time.
If there is something I learned out of all this it's don't ignore your gut and if the signs are freaking obvious get checked out. If I had went and got checked when the pain started in may I would already have had surgery by now.
People, If you got a feeling something is wrong don't ignore it.
That feeling is there for a reason.
7/2018, IDC, Right, ER+/PR+
10/2/2018 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (right): Silicone implant