I'm a new member and a new breast cancer patient. I'm 32, single, living alone and have no family history of breast cancer. I have been eating and living healthy. I don't eat beef, pork, clam. I also don't smoke, drink or take any drugs. I usually go to bed around 11pm and wake up at 8-9 am. I have a good job with a good salary that can support my traveling hobby. I go traveling almost once a month, except in the winter. I want to tell you as detailed as possible so that you can know that I am happy with my life although it is not most perfect. Hence, being a cancer patient is still an unaccepted truth yet.
I was diagnosed with IDC, stage 1A last October and underwent an one-side mastectomy in January. I would take hormone therapy next month and undergo a breast reconstruction surgery in June probably. Since I have been sick, I have been through struggles and depression in terms of my life, my relationship, my graduate studies plan and my future. My doctors keep advising me that my mind should be relaxing and nervous or stressed-free. However, I am in the most vulnerable time of my life, my anxiety, fear, depression and instability about my future fail to prevent from negative and fearful thoughts and emotions. Unfortunately, I am an introvert person and reluctant to talk and share my personal businesses to everyone. I don't feel comfortable to talk about my illness, so just my family and a few people have known about my circumstance. It's really bad, I understand.
Yesterday was my last tissue expander filling and I had a bad dream last night. I was dreamed of my tissue expander was broken and I felt fluid was running throughout my body and leaked out. I was in panic and asked help but nobody helped. Then, I grasped my phone to call my surgeon and he asked me to go to the hospital immediately. I remembered I went to the emergency facility alone and tried to ask people where my surgeon's office was but no one knew. I had to find his office by myself and after it took me so long to go around the hospital, I failed to find his office. I was exhausted, disappointed, screaming and collapsing. I woke up with my sweaty body and couldn't sleep well later.
It is impossible for me to do what I want at this moment. I need to have my surgeon's permission if I want to fly or travel somewhere; I need to tell my oncologist if I want a pregnancy; I can't go to yoga classes when I don't feel well; I have to keep updating my side effects and symptoms; I can't get back to sleep on my side yet and sometimes I still need some medicines and pain killers. Indeed, it is very inconvenient but I have no choice. I have to overweight my health over other inconvenience and activities.
Sunshine after the rain, I understand it, so I keep telling myself that I will be healthy again soon. There are too many interesting things waiting me for enjoying and exploring. I need to be healthy, energetic and optimistic to pursue my happiness and ongoing plans. I have to keep looking at bright examples who beat their hardships and have put their positive impacts on the humankind.
Much appreciated if you can let me know your experience, how you deal with and overcome these emotional effects.
10/24/2018, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
1/10/2019 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left
3/31/2019 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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