Topic: Just Need to Vent

Forum: Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts — Meet and support others who are affected by these issues around anxiety, depression, and other emotional effects.

Posted on: Apr 27, 2019 07:40PM - edited Apr 27, 2019 07:49PM by bookworm14

Posted on: Apr 27, 2019 07:40PM - edited Apr 27, 2019 07:49PM by bookworm14

bookworm14 wrote:

Sorry if it sounds like I am whining, but I really just need to vent and if the post rambles on I am sorry about that as well (chemo brain is not fun)

I guess I really just need to vent to someone, anyone really. I am just so tire of pretending like everything is okay and my life does not feel as though it is imploding. I will say I am truly fed up of people asking if I am okay and before I even answer start telling me I will be okay....I mean let me actually answer you before YOU start telling ME how I am! I hope that I am okay and I pray every day that the stuff I am going through will work and destroy the cancer. But you know it is all a crap shoot, we can only hope and pray that we have done all we can to stop it, but there is always that chance that it did not work.

I do feel lucky that I have not had as bad of side effects from treatment so far compared to so many others in this community, so I do not want to offend anyone with this post. I also know that this could be much worse...and I worry about that as well.Scared I guess my anxiety is just going through the roof right now. New aches and pains showing up that just seem to add that much more worry about did it spread or is it just a normal side effect? The doctor does not seem to be worried and says it is just a side effect of treatment....trying to believe him.

It is not just the cancer, the fatigue, and side effects of treatment. I have a business that is greatly declining and we could potentially lose our only means of income and health insurance. So now I have to worry what is going to happen if we have to close the doors for money and how I would be able to continue my treatment. Not to mention the sense of failure of that happening. My husband and I are constantly fighting because of all the stress of the cancer, the business, and then he is still grieving from his father passing away from liver cancer. Just crappy!

All this stress is just really getting to me and bringing me down. I have not really cried very much since the cancer diagnosis was confirmed back in August 2018, but it seems as every little thing sets me off now. I work really hard at not crying in front of my husband or letting my son see me cry so sometimes it just comes out while I am driving or when I am trying to go to sleep at night. I am working really hard not to let this get to me. I tell myself to keep fighting that God would not put more on me than I can handle, but I just do not know how much more I can handle.

Once again sorry for the whining, but I needed to get that out!

Diagnosed @35, BRCA2 + Dx 8/7/2018, IDC, Left, <1cm, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 10/15/2018 Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left); Mastectomy (Right); Reconstruction (Left): Tissue Expander; Reconstruction (Right): Tissue Expander Dx 10/25/2018, DCIS/IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/16 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 11/27/2018 AC + T (Taxol) Radiation Therapy 5/22/2019 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall
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Mar 10, 2022 04:11AM m0mmyof3 wrote:

Haven’t had to vent in a long while but the need is back with a vengence. Since my hubby went back to working out of the home last Fall, things were fine at first but this last month I am feeling very ignored and that I don’t matter anymore.He decides what we are going to do without asking how I feel about it and if I say anything, he gets very nasty about it.

If you value your freedom, thank a servicemember both serving and retired!

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