Im not on a "journey" and Im not a "warrior." Who is with me?

I hear you.

I will not fail this or lose some battle. Medicine will fail me and my body will lose its ability to maintain homeostasis.

I'm going to one up you & say that really nothing about me changed - I had no pivot or change in priorities. I'm still procrastinating, still grumpy, still borderline reclusive. Nothing changed about my priorities because I liked my life before & nothing about it changed except this stupid cancer is interfering with all of it. I had a plan (go back to school, start new career, do more dog sports, adopt more dogs) and I kept plodding on. I was writing exams between surgery & chemo in 2018. I was back in school while still doing rads in Sep 2018. Now with a stage IV dx in Feb 2020 I had to give almost all of it up. Some might think maybe now I'll have some revelation....but nope. Still same old me.

Bravo, right on

Oh, this is going to be a lively discussion!

I looked up the word "brave": "ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage"

OK, so if the opposite is "Cowardly" where someone turns and runs from what frightens them, how am I supposed to do that? I'd love to run from this disease, but to where?

Depending upon who calls me brave or strong, or whatever, I'm either OK with it or excessively annoyed.

I can't wait to see more comments on this! Thanks for starting this one MochiPie!

May I join in? Although I had Cancer Lite™ with just a lumpectomy and radiation, I'm always waiting for another body part to be removed since I've had other cancers. Stupid hobby to have. But I haven't battled anything with cancer. My hip replacement was more of a physical battle. I have a friend who was diagnosed with stage 4 de novo ovarian cancer about nine years ago. She'll have an occasional good year and then horrible ones, either stronger and nastier chemos, or having a stroke, or falling a lot, or mystery body malfunctions... and now she's been told there's nothing much more to do. If she wants to use terms like warrior or battle, she's earned it - but she doesn't use those words. I also dislike (maybe hate) the word "survivor" because it's so stupidly competitive sounding, and makes it seem like those who don't "survive" didn't try hard enough. Screw that.

I’m right there with you ladies. I refuse to wear or have anything pink in my house. I’ve already told the family that if they include “she lost her battle to bc” in my obit, that I was going to come back and haunt every single one of them. Grrrr!

Oh I guess I'm not done.

My own mother keeps telling me how brave I am (lots going on, most not cancer) and I'm tired of telling her that the only way out for me with any of my health issues is through them. That's not bravery.

I agree. I don't know what to say when people say I am brave or a warrior. That's probably why I didn't post about having cancer or going thru treatment until after I finished chemo. It's exhausting. "brave" I went to the doctor, I followed a treatment plan.What is brave about that?

I feel like the whole brave/warrior/fighting cancer puts the onus on the patient for an outcome they don't actually control. Makes people who don't have cancer feel better somehow.

I have noticed that in news stories they are saying the same thing about poeple who have COVID and die--that they lost their battle. It's not a battle it's a virus and I guess the thing in common in both cases it's a real crap shoot. Some people who you'd think would have a great prognosis don't.

totally with you on this - if I wanted to be a warrior I would have enlisted in the Marines...why is this disease romanticized this way?! Can you imagine this being done with any other medical condition?

Battle, warrior, survivor - toss all those titles in the trash. I agree with all of you & love you for saying so. And grateful for cancer? I think not. I too didn't tell anyone I had BC until all my treatments were completed - and few people even then. Didn't want to deal with people's responses. OMG - My brother made a comment about how his neighbor, who had breast cancer treatment, was "a new, better, person" after her treatment... How ignorant is that?

One of the best things I've seen on this site is - you don't have to be brave, you just have to show up. And we all did that. Oh - and I agree - I HATE pink. Too bad because it's a flattering color on older women.

GREAT thread Mochi. Thanks

And as to “journey” it isn’t just with cancer that it goes all over me. Every imaginable inane trite thing, a bunch of folks (usually women) preciously state that they are “starting their journey.” See it all the time from women beginning their craft project on a particular sewing group I’m in. You’re making a damn quilt..

Melissa - love it - starting to make a quilt - LOL.

I wish there was a way to love a post, because I would love this, Mochi!

I only shared my diagnosis with a few close friends and family members, and early on in the conversation was a request to please not send me any pink shit. Can I cuss on here, because I’m at that angry, cussing, tired stage of treatment?

Seriously, Survivor really gets me though. It implies the end...aren’t we all just surviving as best we can? I feel like it would be bad karma to ever label myself a survivor.

exactly Edj3 - everyone dealing with this disease got no choice whether to enlist (hmmm, guess we were all drafted and bet we'd all have opted to dodge it if that had been possible). Saluting you for your choice to serve in the Army!

Okay, when I was told I was a survivor by one of my BC physicians, I informed them that to date, all I had survived was the somewhat brutal treatment for BC. I felt brutalized by my PCP because I cried during my annual physical and she labeled me "depressed" and that has been impossible to have removed from my chart. It was "situational depression" IMO and I never took any antidepressants. This is not to disrespect those who deal with depression and need medications to cope because they deserve my support and empathy, but for every MD since then has asked about my "depression" and what meds I am on for almost 5 years now. I think we all have days that are challenging whether it be related to BC or other stressors. On my bad days, I cuss, scream and am not a nice person but I do recover eventually. I will never win the Miss Congeniality award but that is okay, too, since I wouldn't have won it pre-BC either. I prefer my somewhat cranky, honest self.

When I did complete one of those depression screens initially at both the RO and MO's offices, I was situationally depressed by my new dx and treatment. Neither of those physicians offered any assistance nor guidance based on what I had recorded. I refused to fill out any more of those forms on further visits because it just was filed in my record and I felt like they had a quota to meet or some regulatory agency mandate to fulfill.

I felt betrayed my my HCP's because they lied to me about: the aesthetic outcome of my 2 lumpectomies (the surgeon, who I fired), the collateral damage WB radiation would do to the breast, nipple and skin, cording and breast lymphedema although I only had SN (1 node) performed, and then the RO strung me along for over 18 months about the possibility of breast reconstruction. She even went so far as to send me to a PS who made me watch a film on reconstruction options and then after evaluating me told me it was not an option due to the surgery and radiation damage. He then asked if he could take photos of my severely deformed breast for his gallery! I nearly cut his balls off and then sent him a letter later telling him what a despicable human being he was. As for the RO, I never trusted her again. She was a liar and offered false hope instead of being honest.

So I learned that those BC doctors who should have been helping me with this transition, were not trustworthy and I lost all respect for them. I would not refer anyone I know to either the BS or the RO. I still see my MO and feel she has been the most caring and trustworthy through this travail (not a journey). While I cannot escape the ravages inflicted on my body, both physical (I see them daily) and mental, I do control what medical experiences I am willing to submit to now and feel I have earned the right to say "no". So I have adapted to my new comfort zone but I would not call this "normal" ever. It's like the Twilight Zone of what purports to be "normal".

Thanks for creating this forum. It has been interesting to read the comments and to see how we have all coped.