Esmerelda
wrote:
Dear friends,
I've been lurking for a few weeks, after having been gone from this site for several years, trying to just move beyond this and focus on my girls (Originally diagnosed in 2012 - see more info below).
I'm sitting here this early morning, about to get my girls up for school (4 yo and 10 yo), and then I will be driving two hours for an appointment at Univ of Michigan for a clinic appointment. I feel so sad and hopeless. I just thought it was time for me to write and seek support from you dear people. We moved to a new home (same town) in late September, and in the midst of prepping our home to sell (beginning in August, my husband herniated a disc and was essentially out of the packing, moving, renovating, unpacking game until now - he had surgery three weeks ago. I ended up doing it ALL. And subsequently hurt my back as well. Many times over those long weeks, after putting in a new kitchen floor (!) or carrying too many boxes, etc., I could feel the back pain creep in. Fiinally I started pyhsical therapy at my husband's urging- we can't BOTH be down for the count! I've been in physical therapy now for over a month and I'm not really getting any relief.
I know when I tell that story, it absolutely sounds like a simply injury. Only my symptoms have really changed in the subsequent weeks and seem to be worsening. Earlier I might get a day of relief, but now it's everyday. I currently have a nagging, unending burning sensation in my tailbone. I have tingling in the toes on my left foot, and I have an occasional sharp twinge in my mid back vertebrae. I also feel a sensation in my sternum (not pain, really, just discomfort?), and an occasional burning sensation in the upper verterbrae, neck area. Oddly, when I sleep, all of these symptoms go away. I wake up with no pain/discomfort, but as soon as I get up they start in again and are there all day long, often worse by the end of the day. (Or maybe I'm just tired of it all by the end of the day.) Oh, and most recently - no pooping these last three days.
My crazy-worried thoughts tell myself this: I had bone mets all along - and the intense physicality of single-handedly moving our family just broke what what already weakened by bone mets, They were there - with no symptomology - and I overdid it and now vertebrae, coccyx, sacrum (?), are fractured, etc.
Is that a possibility? Can anyone offer me any wisdom or perspective? I don't have any scans scheduled yet. My onco wanted me to start with my PCP and an MRI, because they thought from my story it was injury induced. Well now these injuries don't feel the same - they feel ominous. (Burning tailbone and the rest???). I asked to see my onco first and today is the day. I am terrified. I don't know how to live with this. I don't know how to not live without feeling in utter despair from my girls losing their mother. I don't know that I can do this. Any help is welcomed and so appreciated. Thank you, thank you, thank you. (Currently sobbing at the keyboard.) <3
(Edited to add: since I'm seeing Oncologist today - what do you recommend I say or ask for??)
Jen
Dx
3/29/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage I, Grade 1, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
Surgery
5/29/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap
Hormonal Therapy
7/8/2012
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