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Apr 1, 2021 06:31PM
Thank you all so much for your replies! I wish I could give each of you a hug.
Beesie, I remember you from 10 years ago! You were so helpful then, and I'm sorry to see you're in this club too.
Thank you MindiG66 and LW422 for your empathy.
So many helpful thoughts here -- from punching bag (told DH I want one for the basement) to letting myself melt down. GR4C1E, I loved this: I know who I am, I know what I am capable of, I know I am strong, I am resourceful, I deserve to live. My mom said I'm the strongest person she knows, and when I stop to think about it, yeah, I am actually strong AF. I've run a marathon, I've birthed 2 kids without medication, I've traveled the world, I'm the primary breadwinner in my family, I handle all the finances, and I am currently the favorite parent in the house. And yet I feel totally vulnerable, utterly betrayed by my body, fearful of my mortality, and desperate to protect DH and my children from what this might bring.
I ran across a couple of phrases on another thread that really spoke to me: Don't rehearse a tragedy and When you worry about something you're suffering twice. I like this perspective.
SondraF thanks for sharing your own sciatica experience - it sounds like you had an even more severe case than what I have which I wouldn't have thought was possible. It's encouraging to hear you distinguish it from your mets experience. And AliceBastable thank you so much for that reminder that PET scan results can later turn out to be benign or insignificant. I hadn't really realized that.
Still trying to get the PET/CT scheduled, so it'll be awhile before I know anything...
10/7/2010, DCIS, Right, 6cm+, Stage 0, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+
3/22/2021, IDC, Right, <1cm, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH)