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Jan 21, 2013 11:24AM
, edited Jan 21, 2013 11:25AM
I do believe it is possible to get a little ahead of oneself and think that you know it all, but unless you are doctor, which as far as I understand you are not, you should really leave the scientific theories to the scientists, the moderating to the moderators and the recommendations for counseling to the doctors. As softly as I can put it, I find it a little paternalistic, a little condescending and quite frankly a little bit much to continually insist that another adult, who I must add you know nothing about and have never met, seek counseling. I do not wish to be confrontational, but you and I are at very different moments in our treatment timeline. Your “counseling” mantra has been consistent now on quite a few of my posts, some of which, I might add, have not even mentioned chemo. Its getting a little old. Trust me, at 2 years out I will be able to be just as confident in my chosen treatment plan as you are. Unlike you though, I won’t be making an effort to edit what other women who are newly diagnosed post on these boards and I won’t be telling other adults to get counseling. Ill let them come to their own decisions about that as its their business, not mine. Ill try to lend a helping hand and if I don’t feel I can do that, ill leave them alone.
Unlike you, I was diagnosed A FEW WEEKS AGO, so please allow me to express my concerns upon this board without be monitored by fellow members. Certainly if the moderators believe I am out of line in my questions, they will let me know and I will certainly comply with whatever they tell me. As far as I have seen, the concerns I have raised have been raised before and there is no spreading of misinformation. Most women know I am just a woman with breast cancer and not a doctor. If they find that something im saying is not correct they can certainly decide to ignore me. I am sure they don’t need you to be editing my posts for them as we all are capable of forming our own thoughts. No one will be taking treatment advice from me, as I am not offering it. If my questions seem repetitive to you or irrational or emotional or whatever, please, by all means, you and anybody else who is bothered can block me or choose not to read or respond to my posts. There will be no hard feelings here. This site is plenty big for the both of us. But it is becoming uncomfortable that every time I post on these boards, which are open to the public, you respond back with some advice that I seek counseling or that im acting irrational or my question is bad or I should just move on and get over it already.
As for this question, since I am in the very midst of my treatment, I am simply pondering whether I should request my ki67 score from my hospital or a second opinion pathology because I am thinking it might be something useful to have. I was trying to gather information on it. Maybe that’s an irrational request. Maybe im crazy. Maybe, maybe, but Oh well, then im crazy. Im trying to make the best decisions I can to be here for my family in the future. You can think whatever you want about me and my “cloudy” thinking. I really don’t care. You can think I need counseling, that im having a hard time with things. Be my guest. But with only a few weeks to digest a breast cancer diagnosis and being in the middle of my treatment decisions, I think im doing just fine. I am sorry if I have not reached closure yet and that you find that annoying. I really am. But as I have said repeatedly, you and I are at different points. You have had over 2 years to digest your diagnosis and to research and to plan. I’ll know a lot more myself in two years, but I will tell you, Im not going to be coming on here telling other women how to act, trying to get them to stop posting because I don’t like what they are saying.
I would also implore you to seek counseling yourself. Typically before placing judgment on others or attempting to edit another person’s behavior, we should take a look at ourselves for there is often much work we need to do on ourselves. We should see whether we are acting controlling or judgmental. If we are, we should ask ourselves why we feel the need to be that way. You may be trying to be “compassionate” but IMHO, you need to be a little less paternalistic. Lucky for us, we all have choices and we all get to make the ones that are best for us. Recognize that in the first weeks of diagnosis, there is a lot going on. A lot of information to absorb. There is no right or wrong way to act. There is no such thing as a stupid question.
Maybe I am worried. Maybe I am scared. Maybe I wanted chemo and feel nervous not getting it. Maybe I have asked a lot of questions. Maybe there are no right answers. I am not the first woman and I certainly wont be the last. Sure there are plenty of women who would think I am crazy. But really its no ones business to tell another woman how to act or how to think or what to do. I ignored it on the other posts because I find it childish, but you and a few others should just please leave your judgments and your opinions to yourselves. We are all entitled to our opinions about the way others act. I have got a few of my own, but I for one won’t be forcing my way of thinking on anyone.
I really did not wish to have another conversation with you about my decision whether to have or not to have chemo. I asked about Ki67 score in relation to oncotype. I never mentioned chemo. I reiterate, if no one wants to respond to my posts because they find me annoying then they really don’t have to respond. My life will go on if no one responds to me. The compassionate thing to do is to let women use this forum in their own way and to not pass judgment on them each time they make a post.
2012, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-