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Topic: Dealing with your teenager while dealing with breast cancer.

Forum: "Middle Age" 40-60(ish) Years Old With Breast Cancer —

Meet others in this age-range who share similar life issues.

Posted on: Nov 17, 2009 08:14AM - edited Nov 19, 2009 08:52PM by vtmom

vtmom wrote:

I mostly have a great relationship with my teenage daughter. She is a good kid. Getting good grades, keeping active with positive activities and saying no to drugs and drinking.

I haven't told her the gory details of what I'm going through with this whole bc thing, just the outline of what's happening and this even seems to be TMI (too much information) for her.

Sometimes I feel sad and rejected because she doesn't seem to care. I know she does, and that she is "just a stupid teenager" and doesn't have the maturity to be there for me.... but sometimes it still hurts.Then she does something really sweet and I'm so happy she is my child.

Are you finding it more challenging dealing with your teenager while dealing with bc?

Dx 4/4/2009, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 3, 0/0 nodes, ER+/PR+
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Nov 17, 2009 09:15AM pk0199 wrote:

vtmom, I truly understand, DS is 17, 16 when all this started. I think it is just too much for them to understand and deal with. School and teenagehood are difficult enough. My boy seemed like he didn't care, but small things happened that let me know he did, small gifts or gestures. He didn't want all the details, but just the major info, got upset if we didn't let him know about appts and results. Again didn't want details just paraphrased everything for him. You are almost at the end of the major tx. PM me if you would like to chat more.

(((hugs)))

Penny 

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. Dx 9/23/2008, DCIS
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Nov 17, 2009 11:11AM dlb823 wrote:

vtmom ~  If you haven't had a heart-to-heart with her about it yet, just be sure that your daughter knows that your prognosis is excellent.  So many times we forget that they have heard about or known of people with breast or other cancers who didn't survive, and we want to be sure that they have that burden lifted off of them if it's anywhere in the back of their minds.

I also think sometimes it takes getting away from our normal routine to give kids time and a desire to open up.  Maybe when you're done with rads you and she could do something together to celebrate the end of your treatment, whether it's a night away or a special activity she'd enjoy.  As Penny said, they're often more sensitive than they let on, and what seems like not caring can be a front that is hiding a lot of fear, both for you, and for her own future.

Just some thoughts, and congrats on only 8 more zaps to go!  You're almost there!   Deanna 

Deanna "The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears" Native American proverb Dx 2/1/2008, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 1/16 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 1/3/2014, Stage IV
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Nov 17, 2009 04:46PM Gillkath wrote:

Hi there,

I have two teenage daughters; they were 16 and 12 when I was diagnosed.  By older daughter retreated from me for the last two years and is just barely now able to talk about my cancer .... I tried to reassure her throughout my treatment but, in her teenager brain, she was convinced I was going to die.  (She had a friend whose mom died from breast cancer right around the same time).  She avoided any and all contact with me ..... and finally is now able to talk about it.  My younger daughter has handled this very well and she has been my little helper. 

Good luck to you.

Dx 6/25/2007, DCIS/IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/7 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Nov 17, 2009 07:29PM vtmom wrote:

Thanks ladies! Lots of good advice!

Being a teenager has to be one of the most confusing periods in life... must be very difficult having a mom with bc.

That being said, having a teenager while going through bc can be hard too. But then so would having babies, toddlers, grade schoolers , and middle schoolers. Having kids and having bc is just no fun!

Dx 4/4/2009, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 3, 0/0 nodes, ER+/PR+
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Nov 18, 2009 09:04AM carolinachick wrote:

My boys are 21 and 19, and my daughter is 15.  My younger son seems the most willing to talk about my diagnosis, but that may be because he is in college in CT and wasn't here for the day-to-day stuff during my treatment.  My daughter seems very reluctant to talk about it, although she was a great help during treatment.  I think that she and my oldest son just wants their old mom back and don't realize how the experience has changed me.  Each day seems to be getting better though, as I am regaining my energy and my strange sense of humor.

Be kind to everyone - for everyone is fighting some sort of battle. Dx 1/7/2009, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/4 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Nov 18, 2009 10:45AM - edited Nov 18, 2009 10:47AM by elimar

I know there are exceptions to every rule, but the standard issue teen is going to be pretty self-absorbed.  The average teen usually needs to be reminded that, indeed, you did have cancer, but some do have actual feelings that they repress.  You need to be very vigilant that your cancer is not emotionally scarring your teen for life.  Look for signs:  Random hugs, without money exchanging hands = deep-seated fear of losing mom.  Teen offering to make dinner = guilt that all the stress they put you through caused your cancer.  Cleaning room without being hollered at five times = indicates teen is an emotional basket case and it's time to seek professional help.

I have two teen hellions of the male persuasion, not that those credentials make me an expert. Tongue out

Dx 6/24/2009, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Nov 18, 2009 10:55AM Leah_S wrote:

Teens very often unburden to friends, not parents. My daughter was 15 at the time of my dx. It was hard on her at first but I told her I had a good prognosis. She didn't seem to want to talk to me about it too often, but the day I finished rads she bought me a gift to celebrate and asked if I was planning to make a party.

 Chances are your daughter, like mine, "gets it" but might not let you know that she does.

Leah

Dx 11/3/2008, IDC, 1cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, 6/17 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Nov 18, 2009 11:04AM elimar wrote:

By the way, vtmom, great topic for the Mid-Age forum. 
Dx 6/24/2009, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Nov 18, 2009 07:55PM vtmom wrote:

My poor daughter walked in on me in the bathroom this morning when I was shirtless. My poor brave breast is lobster red, with black spots from the fried hair folicles and my poor brave nipple is cut open and oozing. I made some kind of stupid remark and the both of us had a good laugh.

She's not wanting to talk about the whole bc thing, but we have been having some great converstations about other "stuff."

I'm the first in my family to get bc and hoping and praying my daughter won't have to ever go down this road.

Dx 4/4/2009, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 3, 0/0 nodes, ER+/PR+
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Nov 18, 2009 08:15PM - edited Nov 18, 2009 08:16PM by vivvygirl

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((vtmom))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I started to read these posts and then dissolved into tears.  Maybe it's I have teenagers that I feel like I have dragged them through something that they didn't need to go through, or I am tired or that my initials are VT and I am a mum!!

I am nearly 9 months out from dx, and we have weathered so many storms in that time.  My DS is 16 and not very talkative about BC but he does little things ....makes me a cocoa everynight so I will take my tablets, occasionally tucks me into bed, but when I start crying he is the first person there to hug me tight. He said once when he was consoling both me and my DD that it all sucks but it has made us a stronger family.

My DD (14) has been my rock throughout it all...she had come to a couple of appointments with my Breast Surgeon, helps with the housework without me asking when it is needed.  Shortly after my op's she would sit in the bathroom while I had a bath and look at the wound. She was just interested. She already has plans for a tamoxifen party when I finish my treatment in 5 years. I do worry that she takes on too much and hope that she doesn't break down later over this.  So far this year she had dealt with BC, starting High School, getting braces and tearing 2 ligaments in her ankle playing sport.

I had friend ask how we were coping...I voiced my concerns about it all and he said that " I am currently teaching them how to cope in a crisis and what they are learning now are very valuable lessons will help them later in life. "

Looking at it all...they really are Super Kids!!

Big hugs to all with a squeeze for the ones that need a little extra

Viv

A warrior must only take care that her spirit is not broken Dx 2/2009, IDC, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Nov 19, 2009 08:47PM vtmom wrote:

Vivvygirl, your kids sound really sweet! I agree wtih you that what we are going through teaches them all kind of life lessons.... but it's still sucks.

Sometimes my girl (16 yrs) is so helpful, and other times worse then useless. But then this is really no different from before I was diagnosed. She is a teenager and mostly self absorbed... but every once in a while she amazes me by doing or saying something really special. Makes a mom proud when her teenager pulls through without having to ask it of them.

Now if I could get her to clean her room without having to ask...

Dx 4/4/2009, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 3, 0/0 nodes, ER+/PR+
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Nov 19, 2009 11:57PM DebraJ wrote:

This is a great topic. I have a daughter 25,two boys 18 & 20. When I was first dx everyone knew right away we are a very close family.The two boys are still at home  my 18yr old had just started college and my  daughter was (is) expecting her first baby. I had always been the strong one for everyone and through everything that life had thrown our way( the one  in  charge).  When I was first dx going through tht phase that we all do (hell) I would just start crying  and I could not stnd for my kids to see me cryin and weepy. I didn't want them to see me what I thought was being weak I would get in the car and leave when I felt that helpless feeling coming on. Now, through ops etc..  After they expericed with me the weaknesses that every human has no matter how strong a person tries to be, I seen how strong they are. I was afraid that me, my diesase would damage them, but it has only made them stronger  and yes, show alittle more love.

wishing you inner peace............D.

Dx 9/15/2009, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 2/9 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Dec 17, 2009 03:22PM frosty1 wrote:

I was just diagnosed and spent all day yesterday meeting with the cancer team.  Still don't have many answers.  I asked my daughter (age 15) last night if she had questions and she let loose with some doozies ... will I get cancer?  should I get mastectomies?  what's going to happen?  I already recently got laid off (double whammy) and she wanted to know if we would be okay without my income.  Wow.  Heavy burden.  You just never know what's going on in their heads.

Dx 12/11/2009, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Dec 17, 2009 03:40PM - edited Dec 17, 2009 03:40PM by CoolBreeze

My youngest turns 13 next month and my oldest is 23 - both boys.

The last thing I want is for them to worry about me or feel any undue pressure because I have cancer.  They less they seem to be interested in my health, the happier I am.  I don't need my children to take over any caregiver activities.  I want them to live their lives and as a teen - that's when they separate from you.  I don't think it's too healthy if they are too close during the teen years.

I tell them everything but I do it with humor and a light hand. I honestly don't feel depressed about my cancer and I don't think I will have anything but a long life - and it shows in my attitude witih them.   My older son doesn't live with me but when I see him he makes jokes - he's going to buy me a rainbow clown wig for Christmas.  My youngest son's only worry was me being bald - I think because as a teen, my appearanced reflects on them.

There was on exception to my rule not to involve my son - right after my mastectomy I needed to go to the grocery store to get stuff for Thanksgiving.  I wanted my son to come with me to push the cart as my right side was still weak.   He threw a fit for some reason.   That was very unlike him - he's an A+ student in the rigorous IB program and very even-keeled.  Looking back, I think he didn't like the reminder that I couldn't do it.  Or, maybe he just didn't feel like going - he was on the computer and doing something fun -  with somebody his age it's hard to tell- maybe hormones reared their ugly head.

I gave him a consequence for his rudeness about it but didn't guilt him because I have cancer.   It was more a "you don't yell at your mother" thing rather than a "how dare you not help your mom who has cancer" thing.

It's different with girls, I suppose.  I think moms expect more from their daughters.  But,  keep in mind, they are your children and not your source of emotional support.  In fact, you are supposed to be their source of emotional support.  

Ann's cancer blog: www.butdoctorihatepink.com .....multicentric/multifocal IDC/ILC+DCIS/LCIS/ADH Official dx? "Your breast was a mess." ~UniMastectomy/Chemo/Herceptin/Tamoxifen/Recon Almost Done! Oh wait. mets to liver 5/21/11 Now Stage IV Dx 8/17/2009, IDC, 4cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+
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Dec 27, 2009 08:17PM blondiex46 wrote:

I have 5 children 35, 32, 28 and 16 year old twin boys who have mental health issues ADHD, ODD, etc.  they treat me like crap anyway.  The twins are the only ones that are home.  They could care less that I have cancer, sometimes I think it matters but other days when they grab me it doesn't matter.  They are angry I am sure but you know it doesn't matter.  I understand they are upset but being meaner to me than they are normally isn't helping me at all.  My grandaughter told one of them twice today to leave me alone. The oldest son doesn't want to deal with it or discuss it and doesn't ask me anything about what is going on, or actually how I am, my oldest daughter wants to be kept abreast of what is going on, my youngest daughter who is pregnant is worried and then the twins.  Honestly, I don't think they know how serious it is and actually don't think any of them really want to know.  The twins were so horrible to me this year that no tree no decorations no presents.....

Original 8/96 - 1cm, chemo, rads. Recurr..9/09...Mets to lungs, chest wall, lymph nodes under arm & chest, cervical & lumbar spine, ribs, hip. Femera, Falsodex, Zometa, Xeloda, Gemzar,Taxotere, Adriamycin,Havalen.WENT OFF CHEMO 7/20/14 Dx 9/1/2009, 3cm, Stage IV, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Dec 29, 2009 05:11AM pastapesto wrote:

Thanks, all, I really need this string.  My girls are 12 and 16 at my recurrence , and were 2 and 6 the first time around.  (Adopted).  My eldest won't talk about anything (her normal mode), and the younger won't quit talking (also normal).  I'm really worried about the eldest, she is a good kid, works hard, no drugs or sex, but is very obviously angry, and won't talk.  We make it a point to talk a lot about feelings in our family, but she is just Clammed Up.  So we just keep talking, whether she participates or not.  Sigh.  Kit, in MN

Age 58, with 2 daughters and a wonderful partner. Received my recurrence diagnosis 11/27/09 after 10 years cancer-free. BMX with Lat on 12/15, with TE. Dx 11/27/2009, IDC, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Dec 29, 2009 07:46AM Leah_S wrote:

Kit, does she have an adult friend she talks to? I know all my girls did, and it's a wonderful thing for them. If she does, maybe you can contact that person and let her know of your concerns. Even if, for her own reasons, she doesn't want to talk to you about it, if she has someone that can be good for her.

Leah

Dx 11/3/2008, IDC, 1cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, 6/17 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Dec 29, 2009 12:31PM pastapesto wrote:

Thanks, Leah.  She has a godmother, who I'll talk to about her specifically. She went ballistic when I told a counselor at highschool what's going on, "I can never talk to her again!".  Teenage drama plus cancer is a tocix mess! 

Kit

Age 58, with 2 daughters and a wonderful partner. Received my recurrence diagnosis 11/27/09 after 10 years cancer-free. BMX with Lat on 12/15, with TE. Dx 11/27/2009, IDC, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Dec 29, 2009 12:36PM frosty1 wrote:

Amen to that one ... you never know if the kid coming in the door is the nice one or the ugly one.  Love those hormones!  Is there a Gilda's Club in your area?  I was looking at the one in Seattle and they have a lot of kid related meetings.  It might help your daughter to talk to someone that she doesn't know and doesn't know her friends.  I know my daughter's big concern was whether she should worry about cancer and what would happen to me.  And that is hard to talk about with your friends -- my daugther is only talking to one friend that she knows won't tell anyone.  The kids are worried this will be used against them and sometimes it is.  High school can be rough.

Dx 12/11/2009, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Dec 29, 2009 04:30PM blondiex46 wrote:

I did send an e-mail to all the teachers and told the guidance counselor (twins are in 10th grade) and they had already started acting out, so it really did explain alot to the teachers.  My older kids (35 and 28) are the ones who will not discuss anything with anybody or each other.  I have to go to the onoc. tomorrow and my daughter did ask if I wanted her to go with me and I really don't need her cause he is just checking to see how the medication is working and seeing if the Femara is giving me any side effects (none so far only 3 weeks) my son who is 35 has only asked 1 time what the dr. said and other than that has never asked me how I was, if I needed anything or what is going one.  He couldn't deal with it the first time as I said and this time it is about the same, I tell his wife stuff and if she wants to tell him she does, but she is 9 months preg. and due in about 2 1/2 weeks, so for this to be happening now is not a priorty for her.  I was worried about my oldest grandaughter who is 14 and how she would be, I did tell her in person myself and she is a big support.  Was going to take her to the drs. tomorrow but she had to go home until Thursday, where she could hear what the dr. said and she would be ok with it.

Original 8/96 - 1cm, chemo, rads. Recurr..9/09...Mets to lungs, chest wall, lymph nodes under arm & chest, cervical & lumbar spine, ribs, hip. Femera, Falsodex, Zometa, Xeloda, Gemzar,Taxotere, Adriamycin,Havalen.WENT OFF CHEMO 7/20/14 Dx 9/1/2009, 3cm, Stage IV, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Dec 31, 2009 04:35PM pastapesto wrote:

So, previously we had 2 moms doing 2 "units of labor".  Now we have one mom doing 3 "units of labor", because she has a sick person to take care of. 

 We don't the kids to grow up with an imprint of "sick mom stole my highschool years", but also there is the reality of more work in the household.  I'm the sick one, I want to ride the kids harder for more labor, (like, they could heat up dinner, fold laundry other than their own, shovel snow), but my partner says no.  I'm struggling for a compassionate mid-point, compassionate to all of us.  

 Kit

Age 58, with 2 daughters and a wonderful partner. Received my recurrence diagnosis 11/27/09 after 10 years cancer-free. BMX with Lat on 12/15, with TE. Dx 11/27/2009, IDC, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 1, 2010 05:49PM - edited Jan 1, 2010 05:49PM by blondiex46

The kids know that you are sick so you can't protect them from that.  My daughter was 15 the first go round and the twins were 2 1/2.  She took care of them through the 6 months of chemo and 6 weeks of radiation and maintained a b average, I was and am a single parent.  They are going to be upset but as a family you pull together to help one another when one can't for whatever reason, that's IMO what a family does.  Some people have strengths that others don't.  Have a family meeting (which I used to have all the time) and ask them how they feel and what they want to do.  You didn't say how old they were, that makes a difference, cause you don't want to scare them about your illness but my 14 year old grandaughter is so glad that I told her what is going on in person and actually that I even told her at all...there is no denying that we are sick and they IMO deserve as much true as you can give them.

Sandy

Original 8/96 - 1cm, chemo, rads. Recurr..9/09...Mets to lungs, chest wall, lymph nodes under arm & chest, cervical & lumbar spine, ribs, hip. Femera, Falsodex, Zometa, Xeloda, Gemzar,Taxotere, Adriamycin,Havalen.WENT OFF CHEMO 7/20/14 Dx 9/1/2009, 3cm, Stage IV, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Jan 6, 2010 06:18PM apple wrote:

i was hoping when my kid entered his teens he'd be neater.  no such luck.

it is so odd that he has an adult body and acts like a kid.   All my kids are great and I am grateful for them.

my 10 year old thinks she is a teen now and is anxiously awaiting her period. 

go figure

peace and love, apple - ..... Mary Magdalen Dx 4/10/2008, IDC, 5cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, 4/9 nodes, mets, ER+, HER2+
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Jan 17, 2010 09:20PM Cherries58 wrote:

I too have a teenager to deal with.  Our relationshaip is not as good as yours is with your daughter.  He is 17 and has not been a loving child since his single digit years. His teachers tell me how worried he was while I was in the hospital but I don't see it.  I even called him on his cell phone 3 times while I was in the hospital and he never called me back.  This hurt bad.  I'm just hoping it's because he's going through his tough teenage years and he'll understand my actions later on in life.  I was a tough teenager too (sorry mom). Every once in a blue moon he does something nice for me, like cooks breakfast.  I just keep doing the best I can do and stay firm.  Good luck to you.

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Jan 17, 2010 09:44PM vivvygirl wrote:

Cherries

My son was 15 when I was diagnosed and I am nearly 1 year out from dx. During treatment he appeared to be not affected by it all and just expected everything to be like it was.

After a big casual chat recently he revealed that he just didn't want to think or believe that I had cancer.  He said it was too hard to think about.

He would tuck me in to bed and sit with me when it was all too much, and would l make me a cocoa each night so that I would take my medication.

I know that he loves me and is dealing with it the best he can ...(like me and the rest of the family).

The little thing liking cooking breakfast I am sure are his way of showing he cares. He probably just keeps it together so you have one less thing to worry about.

Big hugs to you

Viv

A warrior must only take care that her spirit is not broken Dx 2/2009, IDC, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 25, 2010 10:39PM elimar wrote:

Haven't been here for a while...I'm going to throw in something that may or may not apply to the situation with the teen in your home.  You know how the teenage biological clock makes them night owls, to the point that they can't get to sleep until midnight (or later) even when they get up for school at 6:30?   And you know how sometimes a teen will get real sassy and argumentative  with their parents (as if we need that on top of our B/C?)   I'm connecting the dots to say that these kids are sleep-deprived.  Mine are.  Some of the worst behavior they have shown me was very similar to a three year old that missed his afternoon nap!  Cranky!!!

I'm saying even without the drama of B/C in the household, the teen years are tough.  Some of us are just unfortunate enough to experience B/C and teens simultaneously.  I think that's what they call the double-whammy!   Persevere my sister-parents.

Dx 6/24/2009, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 25, 2010 10:47PM pastapesto wrote:

Thanks, Elimar.  And when mom is sleep-deprived too, it's a double-whammy!

Age 58, with 2 daughters and a wonderful partner. Received my recurrence diagnosis 11/27/09 after 10 years cancer-free. BMX with Lat on 12/15, with TE. Dx 11/27/2009, IDC, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 26, 2010 05:04AM 5andcounting wrote:

Thanks for starting this topic.  I have an 18 year old son and a 15 year old daughter.

My son acts as if nothing is happening and is as inconsiderate as ever, even though he is a very good kid. He uses the same coping style he always has (retreat and say nothing) so I don't expect he will be much different with this. I know he loves me, I tell him that and then I tell him exactly what I need from him, like pick up your sister and drive her home.  If I waited for him to show support, I'd be waiting for a loonng time. He's off to college in the fall and I just trust he's going to be fine because he's too damn stubborn not to be.

My daughter is a split personality right now but will talk about it most of the time so she's ok. She gets very angry with me sometimes for no apparent reason but I think its "cancer anger". I can't do as much as I used to and she doesn't know how to handle this. She is so helpful but I think resents it sometimes. She will have coping skills far superior to her peers but what a high price to pay for it.

I feel guilty like most of us but theres nothing to be done about it and I'm getting increasingly fatigued and can't waste energy on guilt. I feel all the drama of being a teenager myself. I hate this and am rebelling but it sometimes feels as if this will last forever.

Surgery 11/4/2009 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary Dx 11/6/2009, IDC, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 1/20 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 12/30/2009 AC + T (Taxol) Radiation Therapy 4/18/2010 Breast Dx 4/16/2013, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 0/0 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Surgery 5/1/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap Chemotherapy 6/6/2013 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel)
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Jan 31, 2010 01:36PM artsymom wrote:

I have a 15 year old daughter and a 12 year old son.  I have yet to have any diagnosis and will have biopsy and mri tomorrow.  I had hoped to keep it from them but I mistakenly made them aware that I was going to the city and taking the day off of work for the mammogram.  Problem is my daughter attends the school I teach at so it is impossible for me to hide my absence.  So my husband and i told them this morning that I had to go back to the city tomorrow for some more tests that these doctors are just so thorough that they check everything out and that there isn't anything to worry about yet and if there ever was they'd be the first to know.  The very casually said, "we're not worried".  I summoned up every bit of strength I had to put on the brave front for them.  Really contemplated not telling them but I knew that when my daughter had a sub in her class tomorrow and I didn't tell her the truth and if there is something there she'd have trouble believing me again.  Also she is very adamant about hearing the 'truth'.  No manual for this but hope we made the right decision.  I spoke with a couple of counsellors and this was both of their thoughts.  God willing they will never need to know any more.  My heart goes out to all of you women with children managing bc, adolescence and life.  You are my heros!

artsymom 

Dx 2/5/2010, IDC, 1cm
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Jan 31, 2010 06:52PM blondiex46 wrote:

I have 16 year old twin boys that said they don't want to know anything and I have a 14 year old grandaughter and an 11 year old grandaughter.  The older one I wanted to personally tell her AFTER and only AFTER I found out what the deal was and what the treatment was and I was honest with her.  The 11 year old I left to my son and his wife, thought she was young and her parents should tell her as much as they think she should know.  My oldest grandaughter said that she is glad that I told her in person and told her because she would have felt that I didn't trust her or that I was keeping something from her. 

Sandy 

Original 8/96 - 1cm, chemo, rads. Recurr..9/09...Mets to lungs, chest wall, lymph nodes under arm & chest, cervical & lumbar spine, ribs, hip. Femera, Falsodex, Zometa, Xeloda, Gemzar,Taxotere, Adriamycin,Havalen.WENT OFF CHEMO 7/20/14 Dx 9/1/2009, 3cm, Stage IV, ER+/PR-, HER2-

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