Jan 5, 2018 10:30AM Faithonfire wrote:Thanks pup mom and jaymeb
I am doing my best to stay strong and get through surgery and reconstruction on the 9th as I stay with my mom and big brother during my treatments as I use the same team of doctors that cured my mom of identical breast cancer 3 years ago.
I was diagnosed in June 2017, and my husband of 18 years did not believe it at first and believed our 3 teenagers ages 13, son 14 daughter and daughter 17 that I was cheating on him when the reality was I had many doctors appointments before I got the diagnosis of stage 3 invasive ductal carcinoma, because I am a braca 2 just like my mom.
The behavior shift was so dramatic for my family and happened before my diagnosis because I was literally dying and called a lazy crazy liar doing this all to get attention
I had a part time union job and 3 teenage schedules to keep on top of house chores and my husband staying at his recently abandoned friends house as many days in a row as possible during the week claiming to save us money as he avoided all domestic problems and blamed me for all failures because I was there and loved him enough to support him trying to help his pal learn to cope as I wasted away to 105 lbs at 5'7"! We opened our lives to help my husbands friend get over a bad breakup and he wound up convincing my family to ignore me and hate me for being sick so he could have his new playmates all to himself! Found out a little too late that his girlfriend had a permanent restraining order against him, and he is a virtual stalker! I did everything I could to be kind and supportive to this man out of respect for my husband and to be a good Christian as I always have been. I never have or would cheat on my husband so to be accused of that by people I love who only wanted to eliminate me from my own family was devastating!
So with no family support at home and teenagers that turned on me to try and end our marriage with rumors of infidelity, a severe diagnosis that required a LOT of heavy medications and me unable to stay vigilant enough to prevent theft,or trust with my care... I had no choice but to go stay with my mom and start treatments immediately because my cancer was so aggressive.
I hardly had time to grasp what was happening to me, and my whole world imploded while I watched helplessly as my worst nightmares came true! I could not wait for their social approval first or find a reliable team in my state to treat my cancer without their devotion to me surviving this and I was told I didn't even deserve a hug before I left!
I had ptsd for over a decade before this so I have put my family through a lot trying to deal with all that in cognitive behavioral therapy because it's the only medication free treatment option and it kept me safe in the worst situations so many times I was lucky to learn it before my diagnosis or I would never have made it through chemo even with an addiction specialist phd therapist working with me now! He is shocked at my family's reaction too but said my kids are unable to face the risk my diagnosis places on their futures so it is easier to blame me for moral failings that justify their reaction. I think it's safer to say they are pissed they have no new medicine to get their hands on and impress their new friends with emotionally abusing their sick mom! My oldest daughter started online dating a boy who had divorced parents and the idea to split our marriage up for our own good was met with the perfect storm of circumstances that allowed it to go this far. I have not had any emotional support from my husband since our anniversary he didn't visit me on, not a single pic of our home or tree or kids this Christmas, no New Years call to say I love you and now he won't even respond for weeks at a time and when he does it's hostile because I abandoned THEM! I don't want to have to get a divorce and I still won't be able to travel after surgery so I am stuck in limbo for now and have to keep praying that God will set things right for my family. I can't hold out much longer like this but if his parasite of a friend finally got arrested for violating his restraining order and bragging how easy it is to stalk others before I come home we might actually have a chance to save our family! The man I married is still inside there somewhere and i love him enough to try to save our relationship and family from society's soulless modern attitude to simply replace me with a younger model to destroy! They will face the reality that a disabled mother HAS rights and violating them will land them in a cage no matter how sick I am! That's the last thing I want for any of them but to prey upon your own family member for being too sick to stop it is something I have never seen until digital lives became more important than real ones these days! I just don't get the goal of it all and I never thought I would have to tell anyone I was bullied by my own kids because they were raised better than that! My biggest mistake was trusting my husband to have my back and help them understand what I was going through instead of throwing me under the buss to be the popular absentee parent as the kids watch over each other now that I can't. It will all work out in the end because I am not simply going to disappear and they will face me sooner than they think! Wish me luck and I will let you know how it goes after surgery! I keep thinking I will wake up in the hospital to everyone around my bed telling me they love me and want me to come home but I know if I wasn't even worth talking to on New Years they could all care less if I live through it at all.