Jan 5, 2018 02:33PM edwards750 wrote:

Good advice jaymeb. I too am appalled at the stories I have read like this. I agree what about the marriage vows or were those just scripted wordsfor the occasion?

One of my X neighbors went through something similar with her husband. They ended up divorcing. Def for the best.

I can’t conceive of anyone family member esp reacting this way. It’s unfathomable and frankly unforgivable. It’s like we asked for it. Yea right. We chose to be inflicted with BC.

I hope counseling helps. My husband didn’t hover over me but he has been supportive and loving. I know he’s scared too. I’ve always been the strong independent one. Now the ball is in his court at least for me to lean on for a change.

I am 6 years out last August so I’m feeling guardingly optimistic. I did take Tamoxifen and while it wasn’t a walk in the park it wasn’t that bad either. I no longer take it. My MO said no need for me to. Early stage, small tumor and low Oncotype score. I did have 33 Rads treatments.

So try and keep the faith. I know it’s hard but you aren’t alone. You have us. We know exactly how you feel. Been there done that.

BC doesn’t define you so you will make it through the process. We are testaments to that.

Diane

Jan 5, 2018 03:30PM Wonderfulmom wrote:

I have been taking Tamoxifen for 6 years. I have done well with it. I have read that it prevents my body from turning any remaining Estrogen into cancer. Studies have shown a significant survival benefit to taking it for 10 years instead of 5, so with my doctor’s approval I am taking it for 10 years instead of 5

Jan 7, 2018 05:15PM Faithonfire wrote:

thanks so much everyone!

I just can't find the words to express my sorrow and my family here and friends have been great trying to keep me strong. It means a lot to me to know I'm not the only one to face such betrayal from my own husband and kids!

It's downright malicious at this point and my husband refusing to return my calls or deal with what our son said to me yesterday, has left me no choice but to ask for help he refused to provide from school instead!

I am more hurt than scared that my husband would use this as the excuse for divorce as soon as he found out I had to loose my breasts!! I know our children had a large part to play in splitting us up and that is the hardest thing to forgive them for one day.

I will you all know how it went after I get out but they might keep me a few days in the hospital after surgery. Mom will be there for me always, I honestly can't imagine my life without her!

I know our kids will come around with the right therapy, it's making them go I depended on my husband for while I was away during my treatments that I am at a total loss!m

I got too sick to make him want to try so that justifies everything they do to me. That was unthinkable advice 6 months ago to ANY of us!

I just hope I wake up to a new reality with my new body! The reaction was fueled by spite and took advantage of my devotion to this day! I won't let that change my nature or hope for a better future

Jan 7, 2018 11:12PM jaymeb wrote:

Faithonfire

I've been thinking of you, and praying. I'm just so shocked, and can't wrap my head around this one. You said that your husband had a friend, and how you tried to help him. Did you ever have a bad vibe about him before you found out was a jackass he is? What was your husband thinking? Like you, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately, they can very much take advantage, and screw you over. In general, and especially with cancer, we need positive, and loving people in our life. We absolutely do not need negativity!!!!!! I'm so glad you have your Mom. My mother has been staying with me for almost a year. We do go back and forth to her home two hours away often. I'm on medical leave. I know she misses her house, as she is 73, and misses her own environment. I'm divorced with a 14 year old daughter, and share joint custody with her dad. I do have her mostly, as he travels more for work. We were married for 15 years, and I became unhappy. I think some of it was I felt so dependent on him, and always had to ask for money like a child. We were fighting all the time. So, I left. There was bitterness in the beginning, but for our daughter's sake, we finally came to an agreement. She was nine, and very impactful on her. What has helped her cope is how well her dad and I get along. A couple of years after our divorce, I wanted him back. I still do. He has moved on, but he said he would always be there for me, and he has never let me down, and very much a man of his word. Yes, he can still piss me off, and be an ass. I think all men can. When I was suspected of having breast cancer, he went with me to my biopsy. After I was diagnosed, he was there when I had surgery, and sat with me at my bedside working on his computer for work. He went through this early journey with me, and did not have to. I would give anything to get him back. I know for a fact if this happened while we were married, he would have stuck by me, no matter how I looked. Paul, my ex cannot understand why men would leave, or be horrible to their wives through such a serious disease. God, how I wish I could go back, but have to move forward. You will get through this. Thank god for your mom. I do wish Paul and I would have gotten counseling. That might have saved us. I just hate what situation you are in. I do hope, if possible, you two can save your marriage. I wish I would have. But I know there are situations where a marriage is so broken, it can't be salvaged. Do you communicate with your husband at all? Well, the most important thing now, is your health. You need positivity, and love. It might seem like it, but you're not alone.

Jan 7, 2018 11:46PM Faithonfire wrote:

Dear Jaymeb,

I appreciate all the support it means so much to me!

And to answer a few questions I can't blame any one thing for our current situation it was more like the perfect storm that allowed things to go off the rails this bad.

Yes we knew my husbands friend for years as he had his kids and he helped him get better job with his company etc, then she leaves him suddenly and takes kids, furniture very harsh breakup so he is devastated and bitter so we have him spend time with our family to cheer him up. The beginninong was fun,we adopted him which worked for a while as my husband and I noticed some strange habits he had but slowly he played us against each other and I refused to flirt or lead him on so I wound up eliminated from my own family by a person that convinced them all I abandoned THEM so anything they do to me is justified!

Turns out this freak is an online stalker and controls more of our family than anyone cares to admit! When I told you my daughter turned her back on me for her graduation and wouldn't even hug me.. had HIM sitting in my seat with our kids and my mother brother and I on the other side of the auditorium where she would only flip us off! This was all about a week before I was diagnosed.

I was SO sure that once they knew it was real and beyond my control they would change their attitudes and just be there for me any way they could!

I was wrong and cry every day because I can't travel and that's the ONLY way things could have gone this far! I just fell for Satan in a Sunday hat leading my family down an online bully bonding tactic and it slowly cost me everything in my life I was trying to live for! The worst part was I was always kind to him and he used that to kick me when I'm down in the worst possible way because a permanent restraining order protects his baby mama!

It won't be so easy to pull off once people see me again and know the truth of how I spent my time, and the fact that they didn't visit me ONCE but I abandoned THEM!

I ran their entire world and my every reward was a do over that never happened! Not fulfilling a promise makes it a confirmed LIE right?

suddenly I'm unable to do anything right and my basic needs were being denied because I fail to deserve fair treatment until I EARN it! The sicker I got the easier it became to take advantage of my symptoms to flair up by specific abuse used to manifest predicted response to justify selfish behavior!

It's going to be put right soon so I just have to hang in there and KNOW lies can't change the truth about my integrity or how I have been spending my time. I love my husband and I know he loves me too he just can't escape the social pressure that is changing his personality because it's real easy to act big behind a tiny screen! Dragging people out to the reality of accountability for their online lives and the damage it can do if not stopped.

Thanks for keeping me strong and in the right perspective this is all so crazy but it really can happen that fast

I will do whatever it takes to be vindicated and finally treated with the love and respect I not only deserve, I now DEMAND to be a part of my future!