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Topic: Just Not Into My Job Anymore

Forum: Employment, Insurance, and Other Financial Issues —

Employment, insurance, and financial concerns are common. Meet others here to discuss and for support.

Posted on: Apr 19, 2017 10:13PM

Jojobird wrote:

I'm four months out of treatment. NED, energy levels creeping back up, life is overall feeling better.

But I'm back at work, and just not feeling the connection. My coworkers are wonderful. Seriously, some of the best people I've ever worked with. Kind, supportive, gracious. Couldn't ask for better. But.....the engagement and interest I used to feel about my job just isn't there. Of course I do everything with fidelity - I do all my work and follow through. I'm not a sourpuss. But I am....quieter. I volunteer less. I'm not a super go-getter -- just way more subdued.

Has anyone had this happen after treatment? I'm trying to be ok with this for now, and to accept that this is a process. That this, too, is part of healing from cancer. That I am a changed person, that my priorities have shifted. But it's difficult when I feel like others are getting trained, moving ahead, signing up for extras, and I'm the quiet short-haired lady in the back of the room, a little more tired than normal but getting by.

Would love to hear your stories about back to work.

My blog, in which I possibly compare myself to a marine: chestybreastypuller.blogspot.com/ Dx 3/2016, IDC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IIIC, Grade 3, 21/21 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Posts 31 - 37 (37 total)

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Jun 18, 2017 05:30PM TwoHobbies wrote:

Rosie, I will be working right along side you. For sure I have to get my son through college and to adulthood and then perhaps I could just focus on my own health insurance and financial situation.

Round 1 -bmx, tug flap reconstruction, tamoxifen. Local Recurrence-excision, TCx4, radiation, Zoladex, Anastrazole. Dx 2/22/2011, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 0/7 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 4/25/2013, <1cm, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jun 18, 2017 08:46PM Suzanne50 wrote:

Wow...I have been feeling disengaged and disinterested in my job ever since BC. I worked throughout my treatment, hardly missing a day of work. Now I am almost 2 years cancer free and I have no energy when it comes to working. I am a school teacher so I have the summer off. All I want to do is win lotto, retire and relax, travel and enjoy life!

Dx 5/27/2015, IDC, Right, <1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 1, 3/12 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 6/18/2015 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Surgery 7/1/2015 Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 8/3/2015 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Radiation Therapy 11/4/2015 Hormonal Therapy 1/1/2016 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Jun 23, 2017 09:35PM rosiesgirl wrote:

Saw my Symptom Management doctor and told him that I think I need to go back on disability. He agreed. It has been so hard to make the decision, but I am sure that it is the right one. I have to have wrist surgery in a couple weeks (which I have put off for a year due to work...) and I will start disability at that time for 6 weeks and then another 3 months to try and build my strength and stamina. We will assess at that point about going back. I am really relieved to have come to this decision. I am on vacation the next 2 weeks and really looking forward to it!

Joy

DX 11/12/14, IBC ER+ PR+ HER2+ Neoadjutive Therapy, -ACx6, Taxol x12 Herceptin, Perjeta. Grade 3 tumor, Stage 3b, 7.7cm Dx 11/3/2014, IBC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (FISH) Chemotherapy 12/14/2014 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel), Adriamycin (doxorubicin), Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxol (paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 2/1/2015 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Surgery 5/27/2015 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right) Radiation Therapy 7/15/2015 Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall Hormonal Therapy 9/30/2015 Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery 8/1/2016 Prophylactic mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right): Fat grafting Dx 8/15/2017, IBC, 2cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 0/17 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (FISH)
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Jun 24, 2017 03:07PM burner wrote:

I loved my job prior to treatment, but am in a post-cancer perspective mood which has accelerated some "mid-life crisising". I look at all the creative hobbies and projects that I'd like to do (like writing, doing performance arts), and how that's all taken a backseat to earning a living, paying a mortgage, saving for retirement.

It's been a difficult conversation with my husband, but I think odds are not in my favor of making it to 65 years old. And even then, I'm doubtful about being able to reap the benefits of saving for retirement. I'm painfully close to my mortality at the moment and thinking that it would be a shame to have talked about all these things I wanted to do- and never doing them.

Really flirting with the idea of dropping the job and pursuing the hobbies / arts, even for a sabbatical. We can't do without my income with current mortgage, but maybe there is a way to ease out of the current work schedule without hurting the "nest egg" for Mr. Burner's security. I dunno. There is a part of me that thinks that if I take a sabbatical, I'll never work again since I need to maintain my client base and work "sharpness".

It's a tough situation to wrangle with.

In the meantime, the thought that our entrepreneurship/freedom is limited given the need for group insurance for the rest of my life... is just depressing. The thought of the GOP's wealthcare bill passing has had me going through all the cycles of grief all over again and has made cancer survivorship that much harder. It doesn't just affect people on ACA, Medicaid, but basically all women, including those on private insurance.

Apologies for the stream-of-consciousness thought dump.

Joy, I am so glad you have some tiem off to yourself! Many hugs to all.

Dx 12/2016, DCIS/IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (FISH) Targeted Therapy Perjeta (pertuzumab) Targeted Therapy Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery Lymph node removal: Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement
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Jun 24, 2017 09:55PM rosiesgirl wrote:

Burner, I also have the feeling that I will not live long into retirement. I think that is part of the reason that I want to stop working. It is taking all of my energy maintaining to work, and I feel like I am wasting what time I have left. My husband and I have had discussions about what I want to do now (sell the house, downsize, start living our lives) and he sees every thing in the long term. I finally told him that I don't see my life in the future. I see it as now. I don't know if I will have much of a future. In my mind, I will not.

I also have been turning to creative outlets, photography, writing, sewing, just wanting to create things. It is strange being on this side of treatment. I guess I just thought I would start my life back where it left off prior to diagnosis. In reality, I am in a completely different spot. Like I was dropped off in a new place and the old me is not recognizable. Work and kids took all of my time. I am now an empty nester, my attention has shifted. While going through treatment I told myself that I wouldn't take a moment for granted. Now I am resentful of the things that take my time that are not fulfilling.

My body is betraying me these days. Everything hurts. My feet feel like they don't function anymore. I want to feel better. I need to work on me.

Wow, didn't plan on my own stream of consciousness! Thanks for listening!

Joy

DX 11/12/14, IBC ER+ PR+ HER2+ Neoadjutive Therapy, -ACx6, Taxol x12 Herceptin, Perjeta. Grade 3 tumor, Stage 3b, 7.7cm Dx 11/3/2014, IBC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (FISH) Chemotherapy 12/14/2014 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel), Adriamycin (doxorubicin), Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxol (paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 2/1/2015 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Surgery 5/27/2015 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right) Radiation Therapy 7/15/2015 Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall Hormonal Therapy 9/30/2015 Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery 8/1/2016 Prophylactic mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right): Fat grafting Dx 8/15/2017, IBC, 2cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 0/17 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (FISH)
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Jun 25, 2017 03:52PM burner wrote:

Joy, that so resonates on "just wanting to create things." - same here on writing, photography! I too, thought I would pick up where I left off- that's what kept me motivated through treatment. But it is indeed strange being on this side of treatment. I am aggressively cutting things out of my life that take away the time to heal and be "selfish", I guess. I still have work obligations and spend half my time in doctors' offices given reconstruction and targeted therapy, but that means that I'm not bothering to do anything that feels like it's taking away time from some creative projects.

The body betrayal makes things difficult. Like you, my energy and mobility have been clobbered by treatment, so I wake up everyday feeling like I have few precious hours until things start hurting again or until I poop out.

I think Mr. Burner is receptive to figuring out how to help me lead a different life, but it is very hard on him. He still holds onto a vision of our living well into retirement, and I can't shake my thoughts of my mortality (or a recurrence) before then. I know this is common thinking among survivors, so I'm trying to work through these thoughts with someone other than him, but I dunno... I am developing a lot of comfort with trying to live in the now without torching the path for a potential future.

I'm not making a lot of sense, but wanted to give you a big virtual hug.

Dx 12/2016, DCIS/IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (FISH) Targeted Therapy Perjeta (pertuzumab) Targeted Therapy Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery Lymph node removal: Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement
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Jul 4, 2017 08:22PM rosiesgirl wrote:

Hugs to you too, Burner. This sure isn't easy!

Joy

DX 11/12/14, IBC ER+ PR+ HER2+ Neoadjutive Therapy, -ACx6, Taxol x12 Herceptin, Perjeta. Grade 3 tumor, Stage 3b, 7.7cm Dx 11/3/2014, IBC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (FISH) Chemotherapy 12/14/2014 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel), Adriamycin (doxorubicin), Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxol (paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 2/1/2015 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Surgery 5/27/2015 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right) Radiation Therapy 7/15/2015 Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall Hormonal Therapy 9/30/2015 Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery 8/1/2016 Prophylactic mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right): Fat grafting Dx 8/15/2017, IBC, 2cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 0/17 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (FISH)

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