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Dec 18, 2017 10:39AM
Piper- I've spent the past hour reading through every single post of yours on this thread and just want to reach out with some comments / book suggestions etc.
In one of your posts you mentioned a cancer personality or something to that extent. Not sure how that looks or how one can have a cancer profile, but if my holistic oncologist is correct, you seem to have all the characteristics of someone who will kick it to the curb! Keep in mind I am just starting out on this awful journey, but both my husband and my oncologist say that if they were a malignant cell they'd be sure as frightened to be in my body. Hard to balance the fight with mediation or relaxing in my eyes, and I am a long way from inner peace as I'm a rabid fighter, which goes back to the fight or flight instinct and how our bodies handle stressors.
I was asked by my HO if I had any life changing events in the past two years which caused grief. Absolutely, I told her, the loss of my marriage. She found that odd as I was accompanied by my husband who stood there with his jaw dropped, but I went on to tell of my severe depression being in an emotionally and psychologically abusive marriage that even prompted thoughts of suicide. Having been in such a mentally depressed state it also caused the deleterious effects on my body and on the left breast, which is said to be the nurturing one. I nurtured everyone around me but not myself.
Fight and flight create inflammation, and this is where the causes lay. Chronic inflammation (even in teeth or stomach) wreck chaos on the body. I never ever ever get sick as in the a cold or flu but due to my stress level being at alarm level my body gave in and here I am now.
My oriental Setsu Shin practitioner went on to delve to my past as a child and metagenealogy and suggest I study this book. Metagenealogy: Self-Discovery Through Psychomagic and the Family Tree by Jodorowsky, Alejandro
Well, I must admit it is a hard read but if I look at my family dynamics I see things that are similar to what you tell of, emotional neglect being the top of the list. All families are dysfunctional in my opinion but some of them are extremely so and leave severe scarring. My mother, my aunt, and my sister all have major personality issues (and here I am the "normal" (seemingly!) one in the family, and I fall ill. In the past years I've spent the weeks together with my family as the goal keeper, the referee and honestly, I was sick and tired of always listening to their crap (one against the other looking for an alliance with me) that this year I had already decided not to return home for Xmas. Then this happened in October....
How much to we need to clean up our past skeletons and how much can we just overcome it just by telling ourselves that it is in the past, and the future is where to look? I can never address my mother about her behavior when we were kids (she denies it) and I don't even think it is worth it to stir the pot at this stage. Maybe writing it in a letter that gets put away or burned is enough to cleanse ourselves from it? I don't know if you have children, but the most therapeutic aspect would be to ensure that we don't put our kids in the same kind of situation as we were in as kids. Cut the vicious circle in pieces.
I found your suggestion for younger women not to choose to take the holistic route of great reflection. I just had the port placed today for chemo to start on Jan 2. I always said to myself that should I be plagued with this, that I would never ever do chemo. And here I am with a date on the calendar....
I must say that I am still on the fence and have a thousand doubts. My HO even said that she realizes chemo has many negative effects but to date, not one of the single holistic therapies has as much clinical proof of working as conventional therapies. She and I have done a list of the dos and does of complimentary therapies and in addition to various vitamins, herbs (ashwagandha!), colonics, she said to take anything Dr. Bernie Siegel says as scripture. The body cannot be cured if the heart and soul are not at peace.
Sending sincere blessings of good things your way.
10/17/2017, ILC/IDC, Left, 6cm+, 17/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Ellence (epirubicin), Taxol (paclitaxel)