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Jan 5, 2019 10:50AM
Jan 5, 2019 11:18AM
Sorry to hear about your wife's newly diagnosed Stage 4 BC. From your e-mail it sounds like you are trying to handle the situation as a good man should do.
Addressing the sleep deprivation and worry may be first on your plate to be able to help everyone else. Like the stewardess says on the airplane, in case of emergency secure your own mask first before helping others with their mask. This is needed so that you can continue to help.
Worry will really screw things up if it isn't addressed. For me I still start to worry, but I have to stop and discern whether it is simply worry or really a concern. Worry is when a mind concentrates on things the individual can't address. For instance, “how can I cure my wife's cancer" or “what if she dies and I have to start my life over" or “will my employer try to phase me out when they find out about my wife's cancer" (which actually happend to me). These may be able to be addressed in the future, but it doesn't need any thought in the middle of the night when attempting to sleep.
Concern is more constructive. It starts with a worry but it can be addressed with actions. Concern is more like “do we have our list of questions together for the ONC and the information requested by the ONC", “"did weget the paperwork in to the insurance company", “did my kids finish their homework", “do we have an advanced directive and will set up" and “did I hug my wife today and assure her that I will never leave or give up on her".
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with thoughts that I think are very important, which threatens my sleep. To address this I will grab my phone and set an alarm with a reminder for the next day for the thought described. This allows me to go back to sleep knowing that I can think about it when I am fresh and more capable to address it. I then pray for discernment and go back to sleep. A lot of times I look at what I wrote in the night and realize it was worry, not concern, which drove me to awake. Sometimes it wasn't worth writing about
I don't have good advice for your particular issues above, the circumstances would be too detailed for me to make a call for you. I do know that if you get sleep then you will make better decisions.
BTW: When my wife was first diagnosed with stage 4 I thought she may not be around in a few months (could have been true). This moved me from worry to almost panic, with very little sleep. I ended up in the hospital with kidney stones, a burst appendix, and gallstones which may have been worry driven. In March my wife will have had 7 years since her diagnosis. Every 3 months we find out if we may get 3 more - it's the new reality. I find that my biggest concern now is trying to find ways my wife and I can enjoy the time we have. I still wake up in the night but my goal is trying to get back to sleep as soon as possible.
Husband/Caregiver------- \Gód•spêd\ n (1526) phrase - used to wish somebody a safe trip or successful endeavor
3/8/2012, DCIS, 2cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2-
3/8/2012 Aromasin (exemestane)
3/22/2012 Lumpectomy: Left
4/12/2012 External: Bone
5/7/2012 Arimidex (anastrozole)
8/1/2013 Femara (letrozole)
12/23/2014 Fareston (toremifene)
12/29/2014 External: Bone
6/30/2015 Femara (letrozole)
8/31/2015 External: Bone
10/5/2015 External: Bone
12/31/2015 Faslodex (fulvestrant)
2/29/2016 External: Bone
5/17/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel)
8/9/2016 Gemzar (gemcitabine)
9/1/2016 Xeloda (capecitabine)
4/10/2017 Halaven (eribulin)
7/24/2017 Taxol (paclitaxel)
11/13/2018 External: Brain
1/4/2019 External: Brain