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Topic: My wife is 36 and has stage 4 breast cancer

Forum: For Family & Caregivers of Loved Ones With a STAGE IV Diagnosis —

A place where family members, caregivers, and loved ones of people having a Stage IV (metastatic) diagnosis can share, discuss, and support one another through the tough times unique to this diagnosis.

Posted on: Sep 2, 2017 01:35AM

DannyP wrote:

Hi. I don't know why I'm here. I'm laying awake, crying, worrying and wondering where it all went wrong. My wife and I have been together since high school. She turned 36 2 weeks ago and was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. It is in her bones. In the back, hip and thigh. They did a lumpectomy and are going to do radiation on her back and they have her taking tamoxifen. We have two children. Our daughter is 11 and our son is 7 and he is autistic. I'm so scared. I lost my Mom to breast cancer. I have seen how bad it can be. They are telling my wife she could have 5 years. I'm falling apart. She is my best friend. She is my only friend. She is everything to me. I don't have anyone else in this world. My kids need me to be strong and so does she but I feel so weak. We wanted to grow old together. That was our dream. I'm so angry and sad and depressed. I don't know what to do. I want yell but it won't do any good. I am so broken right now.

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Feb 19, 2018 12:22AM DannyP wrote:

Hi everyone. I am hoping some of you may be awake still. Its after 11pm here. I dont sleep anymore. I need some help or advice. I dont know what has happened to me but a few days ago i started crying and i havent been able to stop. Things suck and i keep hoping for a miracle but each day is a challenge. My wife is in pain and if shes not she is asleep. So i never get to spend time woth her where she os awake and feeling decent. She is going to have to quot her job and things are already tight. Shes a school teacher. That was her dream and she worked so hard to make it happen and now at 36 she needs to stop working. The meds have pushed her in to menopause. I never knew much about menopauae but i do know that its not fun after seeing her sweat and struggle with this change. Im hoping maybe you all can help me stop crying. I want for her to live for 10 plus years but for some reason it feels like time is very limited like she may only be around a year or two. Im so heartbroken. Is this all normal? Did all of you go through this stage of thinking it all over ans being in pain and bed ridden and hopeless? When does it around and she we get hope and she starts feeling better? Is there hope?


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Feb 19, 2018 06:25PM Micmel wrote:

Danny~ I am so sorry for the emotional pain you're in and for what youre going through. I have to share my story with you. Just because it may show you how quickly Things can change. I had a pretty good sized lump that they thought was a cyst. Two doctors said it was..... it wasn't. I went from stage two or three one week to stage four the very next. They pulled me from my second Chemotherapy and informed me it had spread to my liver.. stage four SLAM! I saw some doctors and one of them said hey this needs to come out now! Before surgery I had four rounds of AC chemo the strongest they seem to have perhaps. They took the liver tumor out during a liver resection and mastectomy and removed all of my lymph nodes in one surgery. I was hit hard with heavy chemo because I was 46 at diagnosis, they went aggressive. During that second heavy chemotherapy came 9 more rounds of abraxane. It spread to my bones in a few places. But not terribly deep, I went onto ibrance and anastrazole, the past year and four months I have been in remission and I have no measurable disease, no evidence of any active disease. It can happen and the treatments are hard, but finding the right one is key. Never give up with the medicines that they have these days, of course your sad, it's the worst you could ever imagine. My DH has such a hard time as well , but that comes from fear and love. My relationship with my DH has changed in ways. The time I am asleep is a lot even with the medicine I am on now. The rest is what she needs, her body is at war. Not to mention the pain killers I am sure don't help. But don't give up. You seem like a devoted husband. Lay next to her hold her hand, tell her she's beautiful, because she is. There is nothing Wrong with showing emotion and being each other's strength and rocks. Stroke her hair. Suggest effexor to the doctors for her..... it helped me tremendously with my heat flashes and depression. Almost immediately. You're allowed to feel sad and angry, everyday I feel those things. The best thing you can do for her and for yourself, is make sure you take care of yourself also. Because she needs you on your game. You need To keep from getting sick, because then what? She can't get sick. Then being around her will be even more difficult. TakeOne day at a time. She's been through a lot... but so have you. Hang in there ~M~

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Feb 20, 2018 08:23AM edwards750 wrote:

Such good advice Micmel.

Danny, bless your heart you are on such an emotional roller coaster. We all understand how you and your wife got blindsided by this insidious disease.

I am not Stage IV but I have friends who are. They are blessed to have soulmates like you to deal with this runaway train. They too went through and are still enduring the fallout from the drugs, procedures and even the financial hits that come with this DX.

All the emotions you are struggling with while normal are going to be tested multiple times. Somehow you will find the courage and resolve to keep going. You are stronger than you think.

My friends were not given an expiration date and frankly I find that rather morbid despite the “stats. Of course my friends are aware of what Stage IV means but their focus is on living not prepping for dying. I so admire their courage.

Just so you know these friends are multiple years out from their DX. Not an easy road as Micmel attests to but they are living their lives the best they can. Some ladies on this very website have defied the odds so there is reason for hope and optimism.

I hope you have a support team. Lean on them in your hour of need. That’s what friends and families do. My sister’s BC came back last year. At least its confined to the area around her MX scar but obviously she’s upset and scared. She lives in another state but I make sure we talk via text or phone several times a week.

Idk if you are a religious person but I chose to put my fate where it belongs -in God’s hands. The same with my sister and friends.

This website was and is my lifeline. I am 6 years out from my DX but I know there are no guarantees.

You are an awesome husband. Keep us posted and keep the faith.


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Mar 11, 2018 07:34AM ChelleG wrote:

Danny - I have you and your wife on my mind. I hope you will update us soon. I want to reach out,grab your hand, embrace you in a big hug and let the tears flow. Let the levee break. It is good to cry and let your emotions out. Do not hold it in. You are a wonderful man,father and husband Danny. Just keep loving her and coming here for support. We do truly care. ❤️

Love Chelle.

Dx stage IV de novo 9/10/2015 with bone mets. Dx 9/10/2015, ILC/IDC, Both breasts, 2cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 9/10/2015, ILC/IDC, Both breasts, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 9/16/2015 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Sep 4, 2018 12:38PM Moderators wrote:

Yes, Danny, we'd love to hear back from you! Please let us know!

To send a Private Message to the Mods: community.breastcancer.org/mem...
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Sep 4, 2018 10:35PM - edited Sep 4, 2018 10:35PM by molliefish

Danny I see you haven't posted since February yet you visited us this weekend. Howare you? Can we help at all?

Dx 5/24/2015, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 6/8/2015 Lumpectomy: Left Chemotherapy 8/13/2015 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 1/9/2016 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Radiation Therapy Whole-breast: Breast

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