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Topic: Devastated with wife prognosis

Forum: For Family & Caregivers of Loved Ones With a STAGE IV Diagnosis —

A place where family members, caregivers, and loved ones of people having a Stage IV (metastatic) diagnosis can share, discuss, and support one another through the tough times unique to this diagnosis.

Posted on: Feb 18, 2018 11:36AM

notfair wrote:

My wife was diagnoses with advanced stage III invasive ductal carcinoma, ER+/PR+ HER2+ in oct 18 2017, Mastectomy Dec 6. Tumor was big 10 cm and 13-17 lymph nodes were positive. CT-PET was clean. She started Herceptin + pertuzumab + carboplatin + Taxotere Jan 10th. Infusion every 3 weeks. She just had her second infusion 2 weeks ago and was getting some ear ringing and face numbness so they had her do a brain MRI and found brain Mets, multiple small lesions 5mm to 1 mm.

I am devastated. She is only 51 and we have 3 kids that rely on her so much. Age 12, 18 and 20. We recently moved to a new area and are 1,000 miles from any friends or family. I am totally panicked with the responsibility to raise these kids alone, as each has a unique challenge problem that needs extra support. I feel paralized with grief, sadness and anxiety and can barely sleep or function, but still must somehow work in a very challenging and competitive job. Just feeling desperate right now.

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Feb 18, 2018 12:31PM Moderators wrote:


We are so very sorry to hear about your wife. And we understand your feelings. A diagnosis is incredibly difficult for all involved. Many caregivers go to therapy, or join local support groups, which may be something you want to look into for yourself and your children. It could be helpful to hear from people who've been through it, and find support among them.

We're all thinking of you and your family, and if we can help in any way here within this community. please let us know.

The Mods

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Feb 18, 2018 09:41PM artistatheart wrote:

Notfair, I am so sorry you and your family have to deal with this. Try to keep in mind that there are many treatments available that can keep her going for a vey long time. Perusing this site will help you by reading others stories and seeing this is true. As time goes on the panic will settle into deep concern and worry, but will get better I pray. Best of luck and keep in touch.

Dx 7/22/2015, ILC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 8/10/2015 Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy 8/25/2015 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Faslodex (fulvestrant)
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Feb 18, 2018 10:01PM Jaylea wrote:

It is absolutely notfair what you are going through. Right now you are in shock and grief, but once you get a treatment plan in place and some questions answered, things will settle down. There are many treatment options available. The newest is abemaciclib which crosses the blood-brain barrier (bbb.) You also might check with the local American Cancer Society (if you are in the US, you don't say) and see what kind of support they offer - rides to treatment, etc. Sending you prayers of comfort and strength.

Dx 10/2006, IDC, Left, Stage IIB, ER+, HER2- Dx 5/2017, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/lungs, ER+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 6/19/2017 Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy 7/25/2017 Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Mar 12, 2018 12:54PM sharmal wrote:

Notfair, I am sorry to find you here. I am here for my mother. I share your pain and feel a bit about it. But I want to tell you that this is not the end. There will be many beautiful days which you will share with your kids, besides your wife. Be strong and care giver for your beautiful wife and kids. Lots of love and prayers coming in your way from such lovely and beautiful people out here.

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Mar 12, 2018 01:05PM notfair wrote:

Thanks artistatheart, Jaylea and sharmal

Things are a little better now. I am no longer in a constant state of anxiety/panic. They told us the brain lesions might not be mets but pre-exiting lesions and we will know better when another one is ordered in a few weeks time. So we are clinging to that right now. She got a PET-CT whole body yesterday so we will get the results of that when we see her oncologist before next round of chemo this Weds. Just going day be day right now.

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Mar 12, 2018 03:23PM Gudrun wrote:

so glad you found hope again. Best wishes to you and your wife. G

Daughter dx at 28: Dx 8/2015, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (IHC) Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone), Zoladex (goserelin) Targeted Therapy Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy Perjeta (pertuzumab) Chemotherapy Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery Mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): TUG flap
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Mar 12, 2018 08:51PM edwards750 wrote:

not fair - no it’s not fair. So sorry for all of you. As others have posted there are new and improved treatments available that hopefully can help your wife.

As for you do check into support groups. We have one at our church that has been a godsend for me.

You are miles from your family but also check with the nurses and/or patient advocates for support and help. I had a patient advocate. She was awesome.

We are all praying for her. Keep the faith and keep us posted.


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