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Topic: My mom passed away and here's what I want you to know

Forum: For Family & Caregivers of Loved Ones With a STAGE IV Diagnosis —

A place where family members, caregivers, and loved ones of people having a Stage IV (metastatic) diagnosis can share, discuss, and support one another through the tough times unique to this diagnosis.

Posted on: May 13, 2019 01:43PM - edited May 13, 2019 01:44PM by janeyy

janeyy wrote:

Dear all,

On the 27th of April 2019, my mother passed away from stage IV breastcancer, with bone and liver mets. She was the most courageous, strong, inspiring and loving person I've ever met, and my dad, sister and I are left completely in pieces without her. She was sick for a little over two years, after being diagnosed with stage IV out of the blue in March 2017. She had no symptoms and just happened to be at the doctor's office for something entirely different when they decided to do a scan. We were incredibly lucky for over a year and a half. She had almost no pain, responded excellently to chemo and Ibrance, and lived every day with so much love and joy. In January 2019, she started feeling ill and they discovered mets in her liver. This time around, she couldn't take the chemo and they had to stop treating her. But even up until the very end, she remained strong, positive and so eager to keep on living. She never gave up hope, and neither did we. And I'm glad we didn't, because hope is what gets you through the worst of times.

I am so grateful for being able to be by her bedside every single day for the last four months. We read books together, painted our nails, watched TV, ordered pizza and talked about what was on our minds. We were all there the day she died, and I know that she knew that. Through all the heartbreaking moments and difficult times, when it seemed easier to just walk out of the room or take a few days off and not be there, I stuck through it and I am so glad that I did.

So here's my intention with this post:

I want to tell you, you who visit this site every week, sometimes every day, desperately seeking advice and information, and just a little bit of hope, to be able to keep going; you're stronger than you think. Don't stop hoping, not even for a second.

Spend as much time as you possibly can with the people you love in this life. I know it's difficult, for me it's been the most difficult thing in my life, but it will be worth it in the end. If your loved one's in hospital or hospice, or sick at home, stay with them. Hold their hand, tell them you love them, and then tell them again. You only get one chance to do it right, and then they're gone forever.

And to everyone posting on this forum: My mother never posted herself, but she read your posts religiously, and she found so much comfort, hope and inspiration in all of you. She talked so fondly of this forum for so long, that I had to check it out too, and it has also helped me. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Love from Norway.

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May 13, 2019 02:41PM Micmel wrote:

I cannot believe I am reading this post today. My father passed on Saturday, and he was also surrounded by his family. He passed knowing how loved he was. He passed on his terms and seeing him transition was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I am stage four. I pushed through the fatigue and pain , I went when I could barely move, I lifted him loved him and took him outside everyday to see the sunshine or the rain. I wouldn't trade a second of that time. In a blink of an eye, he was gone. So I whole heartedly agree, GO!!!!!! See that loved one now before it's too late. The moments I shared with him alone and quiet I will treasure until my Own last breath where he told me he would be waiting for me. I loved him soo much. I know howyou're feeling. You're not alone. Thank you for this post.

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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May 14, 2019 11:54PM edwards750 wrote:

I am so sorry for both of you. I lost both my parents 10 years ago. I missed them every day. I totally agree about being with your loved ones before it’s too late. My FIL is 93. My DH visits him nearly every weekend.


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May 15, 2019 12:59AM AliceBastable wrote:

Janeyy and Micmel, I am so sorry for both your losses. When my Mom passed last year, I kept remembering the line from an old John Denver song, "The memory of love will see you through." It takes awhile, but it's true.

Endometrial cancer 2010, basal cell multiples, breast cancer 2018, kidney cancer 2018. Cancer's a bitch, but I'm a bigger one with more practice. Dx 5/2018, ILC/IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 1/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 7/10/2018 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Surgery 8/7/2018 Radiation Therapy 10/29/2018 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes
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May 15, 2019 02:00AM Legomaster225 wrote:

Beautifully written.  I am so sorry for your losses Janyy and Micmel.  Life is precious and I hope you find comfort in knowing that your parents loved you very much and appreciated you being there for them even when it was so difficult.  I have had two grandmothers go through hospice and yes, it is difficult but I felt so much closer through those days with them.  They knew they were loved!

Diagnosed at 50. Currently 53. Oncotype score 39. One node positive at diagnosis negative after preadjuvent chemo. Bilateral cancer discovered at BMX. Left breast was supposed to be prophylactic. :-( Dx 12/3/2016, IDC, Right, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 1/19/2017 AC + T (Taxol) Dx 6/22/2017, IDC, Left, <1cm, Stage IB, Grade 1, 0/0 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 6/22/2017, DCIS, Left, <1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1 Surgery 6/22/2017 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (right): Silicone implant Radiation Therapy 8/21/2017 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall Hormonal Therapy 10/17/2017 Hormonal Therapy 9/9/2018 Aromasin (exemestane)
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May 15, 2019 12:43PM Rah2464 wrote:

Janyy I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute you have created, and what a wonderful message to send out into the world. God Bless you.

Dx 5/23/2018, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (IHC) Surgery 6/26/2018 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (right): Silicone implant Hormonal Therapy 7/26/2018 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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May 15, 2019 12:50PM - edited May 15, 2019 09:39PM by Moderators

Thank you for your post.

God Bless you.



Edited by Mods to remove personally identifiable information.

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