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Topic: Stage IV, Mets everywhere, Desperately seeking truth

Forum: Caring for Someone with Stage IV or Mets —

A place where family members, caregivers, and loved ones of people having a Stage IV (metastatic) diagnosis can share, discuss, and support one another through the tough times unique to this diagnosis.

Posted on: Aug 2, 2019 12:42PM

candygirl1969 wrote:

Hello everyone, my moms sister (who is like a mother to me) was recently diagnosed with stage IV BC. only reason we found out was because she broke her femur....she didn’t tell anyone she had found a lump in her breast. It’s a Long story, but short of it is: 70 yrs old, normally active, lively, travels, reads, a “foodie”, etc. After surgery to repair broken femur and after scans etc, they have found cancer is everywhere - her entire skeletal system, including skull, spine, both her lungs etc. She does not want chemo of any kind. She is not a candidate for any type of further surgery. Her BC is HER2 positive. She has developed pneumonia being in a hospital and rehab facility for the past 30 days but is slowly getting better from that. She has lost 13 lbs in 2 weeks because she has no appetite. Meeting with oncologist next Thursday to just see what she says even though we (her daughter and I) already know this is terminal and obviously very bad. I realize from reading post after post after post on here that everyone is different but can anyone please be truthful and honest about how much time she could possibly have left without any treatment of any kind. We just want to deal in reality so we can prepare ourselves, the family, etc. any information, similar experience, advice, etc. would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you so much from the bottom of my broken heart

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Aug 2, 2019 01:47PM Betrayal wrote:

My sympathies for learning that your second "mother" has Stage IV BC and how this is affecting you. She kept this to herself for reasons unknown to you and her family and has stated that she doesn't want chemo which I would imagine limits the treatment options available to her. It would seem that she is capable of making decisions about her care due to her previous life style and this should be a consideration when her daughter and you meet with the oncologist. I think the question is "what does she want" and then you go forward from there. Have you considered hospice care as an option? You might want to consider having a BC social worker as a resource as well.

I am not sure anyone can tell you definitively how much time she has left with or without treatment, but try to make the most of the time you do have pleasurable for her. Sorry this is happening to you and your family.

Surgery 1/31/2016 Lumpectomy: Left Surgery 1/31/2016 Lymph node removal: Sentinel Surgery 3/3/2016 Lumpectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 3/30/2016 Whole-breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 6/24/2016 Arimidex (anastrozole) Hormonal Therapy 5/18/2017 Femara (letrozole) Hormonal Therapy 6/15/2020 Aromasin (exemestane)
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Aug 3, 2019 07:54AM edwards750 wrote:

So sorry about your aunt. No one can you an expiration date and frankly they shouldn’t but you already know her condition is deteriorating.

I don’t blame her for not wanting chemo. Whatever time she has shouldn’t be spent suffering with all the side effects of chemo to buy her extra time.

Her MO will advise you what to expect and whatever it is respect her wishes not to go forward with any treatment should you choose not to. As painful as it is for you it’s still her call, her life.

Keep the faith.


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