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Oct 12, 2020 11:23PM
Oct 13, 2020 02:22AM
PoppyFlower - I'm so sorry you're in this place with your SIL (I think that's what I read before, if I'm wrong I apologize). You sound exhausted, scared, and stuck; as a caregiver of this magnitude, though, you can't take care of her if you can't first take care of yourself. Caregiver burn-out is a very real thing (been there, done that). Your feelings of guilt belie the first fringes of that burn-out, when you want to help her but really need a break for yourself to de-stress.
If I remember correctly from other things you've posted, she sounds very scared and overwhelmed by the situation she's found herself in and is determined to avoid the reality as much as possible. In doing so she's made choices for herself that are greatly affecting you, too, and putting you in a really difficult position. If she has insurance for treatment, will it also cover in-home nursing care? It sounds as though she wouldn't be able to get herself to her MO's office for the pleurex drain 3 times a week if you weren't there to do it, at which time the MO's office would work with insurance and home health to get it done.
Stage IV is not curable and regardless of how the Femara and Ibrance work (or maybe don't) she needs to at least articulate to you what her longer-term plans are. If she can't or won't, then that burden may fall by default on your shoulders - and that's a truly unfair burden for you to bear. It's not fair to you to continue to care for her in a vaccum without some sort of plan; it just adds to the amount of guilt you're already feeling about trying to do what's best for her without any direction or knowledge of what she wants. ETA: While that takes away her choice, it also *relieves* her of those decisions, which, if she’s too overwhelmed by her current situation, she may need help deciding. (I came back to add this comment because it was how things unfolded with my father; he was simply too overwhelmed and scared, and he shut down, abdicating by default his decision-making to myself and my sister)
I wish you luck and will keep you and you SIL in my thoughts. You both deserve some peace.
"Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life." - Omar Khayyam
11/22/2011, IDC, Left, 1cm, Grade 2, ER+/PR-, HER2- (FISH)
12/5/2011 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel
1/19/2012 AC + T (Taxol)
6/12/2012 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes
1/27/2016, IDC, Left, 1cm, Grade 3, 0/4 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
2/15/2016 Lumpectomy; Lymph node removal: Left
3/1/2016 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)
7/21/2016 Mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap
1/31/2017, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone