Topic: I WANT MY MOJO BACK!

Forum: Sex & Relationship Matters — A safe place to talk candidly about how your romantic relationships and/or your sex life has changed following your diagnosis and treatment.

Posted on: Oct 17, 2004 11:45AM - edited Feb 9, 2016 11:04AM by moderators

Posted on: Oct 17, 2004 11:45AM - edited Feb 9, 2016 11:04AM by moderators

Mena wrote:

Hey girls,

You know, this loss of libido thing is just unnacceptable. I was in the chat room earlier today and mentioned it and man, you should've heard how many of us are experiencing this problem. I promised the ladies I'd post my rant, so here it comes (or....doesn't ).

If bc were a man's disease, not only would there be a cure for bc by now, but certainly there'd be a plethora of non-hormonal therapies available for whatever the female version is of "erectile dysfuntion". I don't think I'm exaggerating. I'll make the damn commercials myself (no pride here lol).

Prior to the news of my recurrence/mets (August) my husband and I had a phenomenal sex life. I absofreakinlutely loved making love to my husband. (Btw, I'm 43; and as part of tx for mets, I was chemically oopherized with Zoladex and take Femara daily).

I still enjoy loving my love. Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, I do. Even physically I still like it. It's just not rockin' my world, as they say, like it used to. I miss that. And I refuse to accept this as acceptable. It is not. If the genders were reversed, this would be the first &%$#* problem they'd address! Well, ok, the second.

I know the clinical reasons for the low libido, but there's got to be something out there for us that's not contraindicated with treatment. Here's what I've tried so far: a Zen approach; a "go w/the flow" attitude; a "get started and it'll all just kick in" mindset; a "try not to think about it at all" focus; et al.

I'm interested in hearing what the rest of you have to say about this matter, and I know it is an intimate one. But we're all sisters and I do hope some of you will share your experiences and whatever help you've found for missing mojo.

Thanks for letting me vent. God Bless.

Mena

****************************Addition from February 4, 2016***********************************

Hi All,

We've gone through a lot (not all) of the pages on this topic, and tried to compile your suggestions.

Do you feel that this is a complete list of what has been discussed here? Please help us make a comprehensive list of your ideas!


Member suggestions for helping the libido:

Watch romantic movie or soft-porn on Netflix

Romantic music

Watch porn or visit short videos on Tumblr, YouTube, or other internet site

A little wine, or other substance to help relax (e.g. medical marijuana)

Sexual photos

Massage and massage oils

Literotica: Erotic/sexual stories as an alternative to images

Super sexy lingerie or fun clothing

Have partner practice foreplay and/or oral sex

Practice masturbation on a regular basis

Mindfulness, i.e. focus on what your five senses are experiencing in the moment --To keep your thoughts from dwelling on cancer and scars


Member suggestions to improve vaginal moisture:

Coconut oil works best as a moisturizer (freeze small balls to make suppositories)

Vitamin E suppositories

Almond oil

Replens long-lasting moisturizer

Luvena vaginal moisturizer

Shea butter melted into olive oil at a 2:1 ratio

Cocoa butter

Olive oil

Gynatrof gel

DHEA vaginal suppositories

Tip to use an applicator to insert moisturizers and apply a few times a week.


Member suggestion for lubrication during sexual activity:

Astroglide Natural (free from glycerin, fragrance, flavorings, and hormones)

Slippery Stuff (free from glycerin and parabens)

K-Y warming Jelly

K-Y Sensual Silk Liquid (paraben-free)

K-Y Liquibeads

K-Y UltraGel (paraben-free)

Astroglide, X (silicone-based)

Platinum Wet (silicone-based)

Replens silky smooth lubricant (silicone-based)

Sliquid natural lubricants (free from DEA, gluten, glycerine, glycerol, parabens, PEG, propylene glycol, sorbitol & sulphates)


Additional member suggestion to reduce pain:

Topical Lidocaine solution for use at the entrance of the vagina


Member suggestion for sex toys:

Vibrators (e.g. Hitachi Magic Wand, Pink Dot Vibe, Pocket Rocket, the Rabbit)

Dildos for pleasure, to stretch the entrance, prevent vaginal atrophy and strengthen muscles


Member suggestion for estrogen or hormone-based treatments

(MUST discuss first with oncologists as not typically recommended for women who have had breast cancer)

Vagifem® (estradiol vaginal tablets) inserts

Testosterone patch or gel

ESTRING® (estradiol vaginal ring)

ESTRACE® CREAM (estradiol vaginal cream)

Scream Cream - contains a combination of prescription and non-prescription components described as blood flow enhancers and vasodiolators to apply to your clitoris (adding here, as it contains a bit of Testosterone- 0.25mg per dose)


Other member suggestions:

Kegel exercises to strengthen pelvic muscles

Pelvic physical therapy

Dilators to stretch the skin in your vaginal area and re-train the pelvic floor muscles to relax

Observe which antidepressant you take, and make necessary changes

MonaLisa Touch: A minimally invasive laser treatment for vaginal rejuvenation.

Easier if she "goes first".

Regular activity is important.

Read the book, COUPLES CONFRONTING CANCER: KEEPING YOUR RELATIONSHIP STRONG, by Fincammon & Bruss, published by the American Cancer Society.

Share this thread with your husband/lover to create a new bond of intimacy, normalize what others are going through and open communication.

Take a look at this resource: https://sexualityresources.com

Dx 8/8/2004, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 3, 1/20 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Jul 29, 2007 08:21AM FitChik wrote:

MENA!!!!!!! I'm so excited to see you back and to hear that you're in fine, good mojo-ing spirits, despite having your life threatened! What's up with that?? Excellent idea to check out the old hook-up...sometimes doin' that thang is the best remedy for what ails ya (always?). Keep posting, girl...I miss you!

Jill...Totally the Hitachi Magic Wand, as Deb recommends! But it does cost a bit. You might want to start with a Pocket Rocket. My 'first' was a smallish 'stick' called an 'Apollo' I'll never go back, but it got the job done. What I wouldn't recommend is any of the 'Rabbits'...they're just, well, silly

Marin
"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." ~Nora Ephron
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Jul 29, 2007 10:20AM whoopsiedoodles wrote:

Marin, I got the Pocket Rocket at the big mega sale a few weeks ago, and it totally didn't do it for me. Probably cuz I started with the Wand, and knew what a toy could do by then!

Jill, Might I also recommend for your partner to wear a (blush!) cock ring? Woooo-eeeee! That was quite the pleasant experience!

Deb
"And if it turns out it's over too fast, I'll make every last moment last" Dx 9/29/2005, IDC, 6cm+, Stage II, Grade 3, 0/7 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Jul 30, 2007 09:28AM FitChik wrote:

I hear ya, Deb. That Wand is irreplaceable!! But I also have a little bullet vibrator that works very well and can easily travel. In fact, the bullet is actually made to be used with a ring! And don't they sell condoms now with little buzzers on them? What'll they think of next?

BTW, has anyone used that new K-Y lubricant, Intrigue, that's supposed to last for hours? It's pricier than the regular lube and I'm wondering if it's worth it..?

Marin
"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." ~Nora Ephron
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Jul 30, 2007 09:34AM Mena wrote:

Condoms with little buzzers? Huh? Buzzers? I'm picturing birds of prey...help me out here...xo

Dx 8/8/2004, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 3, 1/20 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Jul 31, 2007 05:24AM FitChik wrote:

Well Mena, here ya go:

http://www.undercovercondoms.com/Condoms/Trojan/250/Elexa-Vibrating-Ring.html

As I said, what'll they think of next?!

Marin
"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." ~Nora Ephron
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Aug 2, 2007 05:03AM FitChik wrote:

OK, chicas, here are yet some more ideas. I've lifted them from the current issue of MORE magazine and haven't tried any of them, but they are indeed intriguing!

HOT PLANTS FOR HER - says that you can buy this herbal remedy in health food stores and though there's not much data on the effects, it promises to increase one's sex drive. There's also one for men. I found this interesting article mentioning it:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A37092-2004Oct15.html

VIBRATORS - the article mentions something called Aurora that sounds just like what we were discussing above, a little one that fits into a ring. It also gives a good website on sexual health by Laura Berman to explore -
www.drlauraberman.com - and then recommends a certain vibrator called the Nea that can be found at this website: www.lelo.com I encourage you to check out the freakin' one called Yva - it's $1300!!!! Geez.

Finally, of course, we've got the strength builders and Kegels are the natural, cheap route, as we know. But if you need help and/or encouragement, you can buy pelvic floor muscle exercisers like the Isis or Juno, found at www.mypleasure.com I DID forget to mention this site above and have found its products very, well...pleasurable!

Have fun, y'all and HAPPY MOJO-ING!!!!

Marin
"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." ~Nora Ephron
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Aug 3, 2007 04:57AM magsandmattsmom wrote:

Ok ladies I ordered something from Babeland! It should come next week when my husband is on a business trip (he's on one the next week as well) so I'm sure I'll get some use of it I'll let you know my thoughts on the one I chose. Oh and my husband doesn't know I bought it. I'll decide later if I want to tell him. Have a feeling he'll feel threatened, but we'll see.
Jill - Not taking herself too seriously! Dx 7/2003, IDC, 2cm, Stage II, Grade 3, 0/4 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Aug 3, 2007 11:07AM JustOne wrote:

[quote

BTW, has anyone used that new K-Y lubricant, Intrigue, that's supposed to last for hours? It's pricier than the regular lube and I'm wondering if it's worth it..?

Marin




I haven't used the Intrique, but I've been using the K-Y Liquibeads and they are working very well! Even the insertion of the little gel balls were, well...nice.

~Pam
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Aug 4, 2007 04:55PM FitChik wrote:

That's good to hear, Pam. So many women come here looking for help with dryness and if something OTC like Liquibeads helps, what a find!

Jill...The best way to introduce a vibrator to your guy is by incorporating it into your foreplay. You can use it on him (testicles) and he can reciprocate. This avoids his feeling threatened and feeling as though you're replacing him. Have fun!

Marin
"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." ~Nora Ephron
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Aug 6, 2007 11:37AM Bancroft9 wrote:

Pam - thanks for reframing the KY insertors- I opened the package and went ugh! You know made it fun!!! Ladies- theya re great____try the new KY lubricant

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