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Topic: I WANT MY MOJO BACK!

Forum: Sex & Relationship Matters —

A safe place to talk candidly about how your romantic relationships and/or your sex life has changed following your diagnosis and treatment.

Posted on: Oct 17, 2004 11:45AM - edited Feb 9, 2016 11:04AM by Moderators

Mena wrote:

Hey girls,

You know, this loss of libido thing is just unnacceptable. I was in the chat room earlier today and mentioned it and man, you should've heard how many of us are experiencing this problem. I promised the ladies I'd post my rant, so here it comes (or....doesn't ).

If bc were a man's disease, not only would there be a cure for bc by now, but certainly there'd be a plethora of non-hormonal therapies available for whatever the female version is of "erectile dysfuntion". I don't think I'm exaggerating. I'll make the damn commercials myself (no pride here lol).

Prior to the news of my recurrence/mets (August) my husband and I had a phenomenal sex life. I absofreakinlutely loved making love to my husband. (Btw, I'm 43; and as part of tx for mets, I was chemically oopherized with Zoladex and take Femara daily).

I still enjoy loving my love. Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, I do. Even physically I still like it. It's just not rockin' my world, as they say, like it used to. I miss that. And I refuse to accept this as acceptable. It is not. If the genders were reversed, this would be the first &%$#* problem they'd address! Well, ok, the second.

I know the clinical reasons for the low libido, but there's got to be something out there for us that's not contraindicated with treatment. Here's what I've tried so far: a Zen approach; a "go w/the flow" attitude; a "get started and it'll all just kick in" mindset; a "try not to think about it at all" focus; et al.

I'm interested in hearing what the rest of you have to say about this matter, and I know it is an intimate one. But we're all sisters and I do hope some of you will share your experiences and whatever help you've found for missing mojo.

Thanks for letting me vent. God Bless.

Mena

****************************Addition from February 4, 2016***********************************

Hi All,

We've gone through a lot (not all) of the pages on this topic, and tried to compile your suggestions.

Do you feel that this is a complete list of what has been discussed here? Please help us make a comprehensive list of your ideas!


Member suggestions for helping the libido:

Watch romantic movie or soft-porn on Netflix

Romantic music

Watch porn or visit short videos on Tumblr, YouTube, or other internet site

A little wine, or other substance to help relax (e.g. medical marijuana)

Sexual photos

Massage and massage oils

Literotica: Erotic/sexual stories as an alternative to images

Super sexy lingerie or fun clothing

Have partner practice foreplay and/or oral sex

Practice masturbation on a regular basis

Mindfulness, i.e. focus on what your five senses are experiencing in the moment --To keep your thoughts from dwelling on cancer and scars


Member suggestions to improve vaginal moisture:

Coconut oil works best as a moisturizer (freeze small balls to make suppositories)

Vitamin E suppositories

Almond oil

Replens long-lasting moisturizer

Luvena vaginal moisturizer

Shea butter melted into olive oil at a 2:1 ratio

Cocoa butter

Olive oil

Gynatrof gel

DHEA vaginal suppositories

Tip to use an applicator to insert moisturizers and apply a few times a week.


Member suggestion for lubrication during sexual activity:

Astroglide Natural (free from glycerin, fragrance, flavorings, and hormones)

Slippery Stuff (free from glycerin and parabens)

K-Y warming Jelly

K-Y Sensual Silk Liquid (paraben-free)

K-Y Liquibeads

K-Y UltraGel (paraben-free)

Astroglide, X (silicone-based)

Platinum Wet (silicone-based)

Replens silky smooth lubricant (silicone-based)

Sliquid natural lubricants (free from DEA, gluten, glycerine, glycerol, parabens, PEG, propylene glycol, sorbitol & sulphates)


Additional member suggestion to reduce pain:

Topical Lidocaine solution for use at the entrance of the vagina


Member suggestion for sex toys:

Vibrators (e.g. Hitachi Magic Wand, Pink Dot Vibe, Pocket Rocket, the Rabbit)

Dildos for pleasure, to stretch the entrance, prevent vaginal atrophy and strengthen muscles


Member suggestion for estrogen or hormone-based treatments

(MUST discuss first with oncologists as not typically recommended for women who have had breast cancer)

Vagifem® (estradiol vaginal tablets) inserts

Testosterone patch or gel

ESTRING® (estradiol vaginal ring)

ESTRACE® CREAM (estradiol vaginal cream)

Scream Cream - contains a combination of prescription and non-prescription components described as blood flow enhancers and vasodiolators to apply to your clitoris (adding here, as it contains a bit of Testosterone- 0.25mg per dose)


Other member suggestions:

Kegel exercises to strengthen pelvic muscles

Pelvic physical therapy

Dilators to stretch the skin in your vaginal area and re-train the pelvic floor muscles to relax

Observe which antidepressant you take, and make necessary changes

MonaLisa Touch: A minimally invasive laser treatment for vaginal rejuvenation.

Easier if she "goes first".

Regular activity is important.

Read the book, COUPLES CONFRONTING CANCER: KEEPING YOUR RELATIONSHIP STRONG, by Fincammon & Bruss, published by the American Cancer Society.

Share this thread with your husband/lover to create a new bond of intimacy, normalize what others are going through and open communication.

Take a look at this resource: https://sexualityresources.com

Dx 8/8/2004, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 3, 1/20 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Nov 1, 2004 04:53PM kimczepiga wrote:

Hi Iodine,
I too have an estrogen ring (which my onc ok's because i am est - and her 2 +). It is NOT working for me! With a hysterectomy then bc with mets and chemo, I am dry as a bone; I will try one of those warming or tingly gels you gals are talking about. I have tried replens but no luck with that either. Have you tried any gels with your ring that work? Kim
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Nov 6, 2004 07:48AM Mena wrote:

Time for my mojo update: Ok, first of all, things are improving here because I've gotten an arsenal of things. But I'm not done. I still have more shopping to do.

I've found that Replens works well. I know some of you haven't been pleased with it though. Of course, I use this in conjunction with the KY warming liquid, the Vigel I mentioned already and also, AstroGlide. AstroGlide, for those of us with "dryness" issues, is a great lubricant. It's better than KY but doesn't warm up.

Please try the Vigel. Go to www.Vigelusa.com and get your free sample for the tingles. Everytime I go to Rite Aid, I pick up another tube, so I have some for those of you who can't find it. Just pm me and I will send it. Yes, I am getting strange looks. I think they're either jealous or really curious as to my occupation lol. Hey, I'm not proud.

I've also found that the more "therapy" I get here, the more at ease I am feeling, hence the more pleasurable the experiences are with my husband. Also, when I see him walking past me, pouting and with a huge bowl of ice cream, I get out of chat or off the boards and spoil him. I have to remember that my disease affects him also and he needs just as much TLC as me.

Anyone have anything new to report? Please share...........
Hey, Incognito, what's up with you????
Dx 8/8/2004, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 3, 1/20 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Nov 6, 2004 01:21PM connierc wrote:

Hello Ladies! I have only JUST started to take a non-hormonal, herbal, OTC med called "REKINDLE," which is for women who have lost their sexual deisre. It says it may take 3-4 weeks to "kick in," so I won't be able to tell you whether it works or not for a while.

Of course, I've also just finished tx, so the timing may be coincidental if in , say, 3 weeks, everything goes back to normal! Won't know if it's this rather expensive ($15.00US for 90 tabs, two tabs per day) "Rekindle" or because I'm done with tx.

Anyway, that's the only "new" thing here. Aside from the fact I still don't have an ounce of desire or moisture, which of course, go hand in hand, so to speak.

I like "Ingognito's" advice about self stimulation. Nothing to be "shy" about there -- heck men start at about 4 mos. old, and continue until the day they die -- why should it be so "taboo?" Strange....weird society we live in....

But, if like me, ,many of you are ALSO battling non-stop yeast infections, THAT surely doesn't help the matter, at all! So, for me, even touching external organs is painful, much less actual intercourse -- I feel like a virgin again, without all the anticipation -- put with the tightness and pain. BUMMER!!!! I'd say, oh, in the last year, we've had full intercourse maybe five times -- not good! :-( For either of us.

At least, thankfully, my older husband is completely understanding, and takes matters into his own hands, and I also help along in that department. Sadly, I find out later, once he's fallen asleep, and I use the washroom, that there IS actually some moisture that is happening ..... just takes A LOT longer to happen!

Funny, it was just a few years ago I went to my OBGYN to find out how to DECREASE the amount of moisture I had -- I was a never-ending flow of lubricant. And my poor hubby thought it was HIM that had stopped the "flow" -- until we found out, long befroe BC happened, that STEROIDS for my spinal injury were the culprit.

Thanks for all the tips, and maybe this KINDLE will also be of some help.

Good luck!

HUGS & SEXUAL HAPPINESS TO ALL,
Connie
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Nov 6, 2004 02:53PM Shirlann wrote:

Hi Janie Marie, horrible thought, but what about the old diaphragm? That was all we had in the 50's except condoms. Condoms break so easily. Eeeeek

Anyway, the diaphragm worked very well for me for many years.

Love ya" Shirlann
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Nov 6, 2004 02:56PM Shirlann wrote:

Oh Connie, that "4 months" comment made me laugh out loud.
I asked my husband once when he first started thinking about sex. And he said that was the ONLY thing he ever thought about. MENNNNN

Love all you guys, you are so much fun! Shirlann
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Nov 6, 2004 07:42PM JanieMarie wrote:

Thanks Shirlann! That may be the only way to go. My onc also suggested that I check with my OB GYN if I am selected for the ovary suppression study to determine if the ovary suppression alone is good birth control. At this point, I think the diaphragm or IUD is a good bet. AAARRRGH! Janie

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Nov 6, 2004 07:53PM connierc wrote:

Janie,

Don't know if you saw my post about the "cervical cap" that was a Clincial Trial about 20 years ago. I don't know if it's being used here is the US/Canada areas, though it WAS being used in Europe.

That's another option, I hope, and it personally fitted to each woman, and from what I remember, stays in for longer periods of time than diaphram (ugh!) or an IUD, which can cause horrible cramping, according to my mother and others I know who had them in the past.

In any event, best of luck, Janie!!!

HUGS!
Connie
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Nov 7, 2004 10:45AM SpanArtist wrote:

I'm very recently diagnosed (as of 10/28), so my mind is in PANIC mode rather than Mojo mode right now, but I want to share a few things because I've researched this issue for other reasons previously and some of this info might be helpful to us...I don't really know yet myself because since I found the lump, I haven't even tried to have sex (haven't had interest...fear kills sexy feelings for me), but it is a concern to me now that I have BC. I'm already anticipating problems!
I'm a very healthy 53 (other than the cancer). I had my uterus removed at 34 (they left my ovaries). After that, I wasn't having sex much for many of those years until my early 40s, but I continued to masturbate and could feel a very gradual decline in the quality of my orgasms over those years. Then I had a new partner at 43, and I began having cystitis and yeast infections as a result of having sex, and I didn't lubricate as well. My doctor put me on HRT (Estratest is estogen and testosterone). It helped ALOT! I was on HRT for 9 years. That relationship didn't last, and now I've had a new partner for the last 3 years. In the meantime, I've approached menopause age, and my body has continued to gradually lose ability sexually speaking in a physical sense. I chalk it up to losing my uterus and even with HRT, to lowering levels of hormones in my body (my ovaries were declining). In fact, my oncologist said my ovaries probably stopped making estrogen when I started the HRT.
Ok, with my new partner, up until this cancer thing, sex has been better than ever, in a way. First of all, my desire has been great...but my physical ability has continued to decline...so we've found ways around that. For instance, I used to be able to have an orgasm fairly easily by oral stimulation. Not anymore! I need more intense stimulation than that. So we use a vibrator called the Hitachi Magic Wand (can be ordered online) and it gives me multiple orgasms and G-spot orgasms for the first time in my life. Again, orgasms in my 20s took less stimulation to get there and seemed more intense, but the orgasms with the vibrator have been good too, and there have been more of them. I could live with that! Also, I was researching a clitoral pump (can only be obtained by prescription and they're not cheap!) but never followed through on that...but the premise is that it works as a vacuum and pulls blood to the vulva, helping engorgement to happen, which helps lubrication and erection of vulvular tissue. Also, my gynecologist wrote me an off-label prescription for Viagra, which is supposed to help women with adequate hormone levels by the same mechanism that it uses to help men. Again, it works on blood flow to genital tissues. It seemed to help, though not as much as I would've thought. AND I've used a certain recreational drug which acts on me as an aphrodisiac and from what I've read, it has to do with blood flow as well.
Now that I have cancer, many of those options are out of the question for me permanently. No more HRT, no more recreational drug, no more Viagra (since it won't help in the absence of hormones...I stopped taking my HRT on 10/6). I might pursue the clitoral pump at this point. I'm also curious to see how the vibrator works on me now. I do think the daily masturbating idea is a very good one...the "use it or lose it" idea, which applies to people as they age in many respects. It's been documented that using your genitals helps them to remain functional. Also, Kegel exercises may help, and I'm going to try those too (they can be researched easily on the net). The doctors Berman and Berman (sisters and noted experts on female sexuality) are worthy of following, I think, since they're doing work on sexuality in post-menopausal women, and news of any new developments in sex aids (like a Viagra-type medication for post-menopausal women) would likely be noted on their web site.
I DO know from my own experience that there are two aspects to this...libido, which is mental desire and interest...and physical ability...and they're two different things. Estratest comes in full strength and half-strength. When I began taking it at the age of 43, the doc started me on 1/2 strength. It didn't help hardly at all. Then she put me on full-strength, and there was a VERY noticeable difference!! Well, about 2 yrs ago, I was concerned that I'd been on the HRT for a number of years, so the doc cut me to the 1/2 strength pills again. My partner and I had only been together a year, so interest in sex was very high...but again, my body's ability to respond dropped very noticeably. It was harder for me to "get there," I had fewer orgasms, and my orgasms were puny little things. The doc then put me on full strength and 1/2 strength, alternating every other day, and my ability returned for the most part.
I hope some of this info might help someone, and I also hope I haven't offended anyone by being rather specific. I agree with whoever it was who said, "as if it isn't bad enough that we have to deal with cancer"...
Dx 10/28/2004, IDC, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Nov 7, 2004 02:01PM connierc wrote:

SpanArtist,

First off, I'd like to say how sorry I am that you have breast cancer, and know that you are if "freakout mode" right now. That you even have the presence of mind to not only find this site, but to be able to be so kind as to contribute is amazing!

If this is how you handle life just after you'be been told you have breast cancer, you are already on the path to being cured -- you are VERY STRONG!

Second -- if you've read this whole thread, which it sounds like you have, you CAN'T offend anybody!!! That's what this entire discussion is about, and all the input we can get and give to each other is vital, since, hey, let's face it, SEX is a big part of our lives as human beings. Sure, women can turn it off more easily than men can, apparently, and I sure was able to for 5 years when I didn't want a thing to do with any partners! No problem shutting THAT section of my brain down, none whatsoever! lol.

Thank you for your great contribution, and your inspiration as a newly diagnosed woman, for coming in here and sharing your thoughts with us. I, for one, am greatly appreciative.

Please, also, join us on the CHAT room -- you're a "sister" now, and might as well get some support from the rest of us, those who have been cancer-free for years, those who are still struggling, those with metastatic disease (you'll know them, they are the ones with the best humor online!!!!), those who are newly diagnosed and scared witless, and those, like me, who are "celebrating" being alive a year after being told, "You have breast cancer." Today is my "official date" of being told -- Nov. 7, 2003.

Hope to see you in the Chat room! I think you'll be a wonderful addition to our very colorful range of foks in there!

HUGS, sister-in-arms,
Connie
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Nov 9, 2004 04:08AM Anonymous wrote:

Wonderful subject. I replied to someone under the heading RE:anti-depressants (I think under this area). It refers to anti-depresants, libido, orgasms etc. and how the drugs affected me and what ended up giving my orgasms back. Just in case someone here is on anti-depressants and interested. Life without anti-depressants is not an option for me, but sex was right up there in priorities too.
Peace, Rachel
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Nov 9, 2004 05:28AM kathrog wrote:

At long last some of my fear is gone and I feel like having sex, but my husband seems to have lost his interest!!! Kathy

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Nov 9, 2004 06:16AM londonlady108 wrote:

I was reading these posts and immediatley thought about vasetemy (SP). My husband had his years ago after our second child was concieved using both the cap and the messy spermicide!!!! I know that there is a link with prostrate cancer but I think most of us has learnt that cancer can strike anyone regardelss of how well you thought you looked after yourself. So quality of life is def. a major motivator. Also you can use pure almond oil as a lubricant, no chemicals, pure and natural and very effective. If y9ou can buy organic then all the better. Good luck.

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Nov 9, 2004 08:16AM Anonymous wrote:


At Mena's request, I've posted what helped me get my orgasms back while on Zoloft (found out accidentally), anyone on Prozac, Paxil or Zoloft this should apply to: I think Effexor is a blend of the 2 drugs so it shouldn't steal your orgasms anyways (that's my theory on Effexor, I haven't experienced it first hand). Just to add, I did lose interest in sex a bit right after surgery and first chemo, but unless I'm having side effects from the chemo, I am almost normal again. Thank God. Hope this helps send you to new places with smiles on your faces.



OHhhhhhhhhhhhhh Pitanga, do I have news for you lmao, Yes, the anti-depressants impair my ability to reach orgasm. Now, this is graphic, so look away if you don't want to read the rest of it. It appears to be a common problem with women :you have the desire for sex, you enjoy sex, but you near orgasm, it just goes away, then comes back, and quickly goes away again (no real reason, you feel the orgasm nearing and it's just stolen away). With men, it seems to impair their desire all together, my exhusband quit Zoloft because of that. (too bad, he sure was alot nicer on Zoloft). After I divorced him in 2000, I had to bump my Zoloft up briefly at the advice of my MD. I was told at that time, if I have these side effects from the Zoloft, there has been some evidence that Wellbutrin counteracts that problem.Well, since I was celibate at the time, it didn't matter. Then I met my current husband, and yes it mattered alot. I ended up bumping my dose way down, chose to suffer some depression just to be able to enjoy sex again. About a year later, I was given Wellbutrin to add to the Zoloft for other reasons, and guess what?????????? I discovered Zoloft no longer STOLE my orgasms. OH happy day. Just wanted wanted to let you know, so you would be prepared when you have a sex life again. I can relate sister. Good luck.
Peace, Rachel
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Nov 9, 2004 11:40AM SpanArtist wrote:

Hi everybody,
I'm a newbie who posted a message here recently (under the name SpanArtist, but my real name is Liza...I've been in the chat rooms here twice so far) and I'm including some links here to things I referred to in my first post (hope I do this right)!
OK, this is the web site for the clitoral pump. By the way, this item is NOT a sex toy but considered therapy (even though it's strictly mechanical) and available ONLY by prescription from an MD. I called their customer care phone line and was told that anicdotal evidence by breast cancer survivors is that this IS helpful. The rep I spoke to said that use of this thing induces a state of arousal and that in doing so, it increases hormone levels, which alarmed me (my cancer is ER, PR positive), but she added a disclaimer, saying that she's only a layperson. I mean, if arousal were dangerous for us, our docs would tell us not to get aroused, right? Here's the exciting news...she said two doctors at the Univ. of Chicago are preparing to begin a clinical trial with this device and breast cancer patients/survivors to see if it will help us sexually, so I'm going to do further investigation and will post my findings when I have them. I'm having surgery on 11/22 and will begin chemo 3 weeks after that, so I'll probably not investigate this further until that time...but the docs' names are Dr. Maryann Schroder and Dr. Arno J. Mundt at Univ. of Chicago, in case any of you want to pursue it on your own. I would think that they would DEFINITELY consider the hormone issue!! Here's the clitoral pump website:
http://www.eros-therapy.com/

Next, here is an excellent article by doctors Berman and Berman (researchers on female sexuality), and at the end of the article, there's contact information. I personally will be following up (in the near future) with the contact info given, but again, maybe some of you will want to do the same:
http://www.newshe.com/articles/article_retrieve.php?articleid=14

Also, I mentioned the Hitachi Magic wand, a powerful electric vibrator, which I have enjoyed with my partner. Here, it's listed on the web site BizRate, which lists several possible sources for purchasing it:
http://www.bizrate.com/buy/products__att259--43059-,att311407--777-,cat_id--23000200.html

AND, for those of us with depression (we DON'T need the added complication of sexual side effects from Prozac, Zoloft, etc.), there's a new anti-depressant that my internist told me about called Cymbalta that's supposed to have very low sexual side effects. My oncologist wrote me a prescription for it. I haven't tried it yet, but some of you might want to ask your oncologists if it would be a safe possibility for you. Here's the link to the Cymbalta web site (from this web site, you can access the segment for healthcare professionals, which your docs would probably want to see):
http://www.cymbalta.com/index.jsp

Here's a link for Kegel exercises, which strengthen vaginal muscles and improve quality of orgasm, and help along the lines of "use it or lose it," keeping things as functional as possible...kind of like the woman on this thread who said she masturbates every day. (I think that's a great idea for trying to keep things working down there!) There are many web sites which describe Kegel exercises...this is just one of them:
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003975.htm

Hope this info helps some of you (and me too, because I haven't made love since I found my breast lump on 10/1, and I stopped my HRT on 10/6 because I was scared the lump was malignant, as it turned out to be, so I expect my sexual ability is different already, and I know it will be when I get into chemo).
Dx 10/28/2004, IDC, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Nov 9, 2004 11:49AM SpanArtist wrote:

Just adding one thing...you'll have to copy and paste the link to the Hitachi Magic wand. For some reason, the part you can click on came out to be only partial so you won't get to the right place, but if you copy and paste the whole thing, it will take you to the right place.

Dx 10/28/2004, IDC, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Nov 12, 2004 07:58AM Mena wrote:

Hey Hey Liza -- so sorry about your dx! We will be here for you any time you need......And you've already proven your loyalty, what with all this mojo info....WE LOVE YOU!

I haven't stopped talking about the Hitachi Magic Wand lol since I read your post the first time. Ask the girls in chat lmao .

You are going to make it, Liza. You've got the right stuff! Keep coming. That attitude is going to take you places and show you faces you've never dreamed of, Liza.

I do wish I had had your moxie when I was first dx'd.

As my teenager would say, Liza, we've got your back!
Dx 8/8/2004, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 3, 1/20 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Nov 12, 2004 10:00AM SpanArtist wrote:

Mena,
Thanks for the pat on the back! I can use any "feel-goods" I can get these days (can't we all!)
I have some good news to report...I made love last night for the first time since before I found my lump on 10/1/04 (I stopped HRT on 10/6 because I was afraid it might be malignant, so I've been off HRT for over a month now). I didn't really feel like it, but in the spirit of trying to keep things functioning down there and because my partner wanted to, I did. I expected a puny little orgasm, if that, because my hormones aren't being supplemented now (the pharmacist told me the hormones from HRT would be out of my system in a week, and I'm having the hot flashes to prove it!)...but guess what?!? With the help of my Hitachi Magic Wand, things were still in good working order! Of course, I know chemo, Tamoxifen or Arimidex, etc., will have an effect on me as far as all this goes, but I'm hoping that my Magic Wand will still help!
I really do urge all of you who are concerned with this issue to purchase one of these as a first attempt to improve your situation and see if it helps. They can be bought relatively inexpensively (around $50.00) and can be ordered online. I'd really like to know if this might be a help to many of us.
Dx 10/28/2004, IDC, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Nov 12, 2004 04:22PM Mena wrote:

Hi Liza -- WooooHooooo for the Big O. I'm so happy for you! And again, I really admire your moxie. Thanks for sharing with all of us, what for so many, is totally taboo and very politically incorrect.

As for mojo ladies, I'm still doing my homework. Here's the rundown:

Liza -- I'm getting the Hitachi Magic Wand. My husband and I are odering it tonight when he gets home from work. Btw, he left for work a very happy man lol. I'm still tingly from working the Vigel for about 10 minutes beforehand. (That's an important tip for anyone using it.)

Londonlady: Almond oil has a dual purpose in that it sounds incredibly sensual, especially aroma. How about taste? I'm on the hunt for it. Leave it to a Jersey girl .

Incognito: Your advice is working. Thank you.

Connie: You're in public relations. Find me a forum at which to host a seminar on this subject lol..........

Rachel: Thanks for posting. We all appreciate it.

Anybody else have anything to share? This topic is much, much bigger than I ever thought when I first posted. Now that I've been in this new tx for a while, I'm really seeing the effects of bc on our libidos and sex lives. I feel very ripped-off. We all know that bc steals enough from us. Making love is a natural, basic, beautiful human need and I'm devoting myself to doing whatever I can to help us all out.

Just a thought:

You might find that sharing this thread with your husbands/lovers can create a new bond of intimacy and can also be a lot of fun. This leads to open communication and understanding on both parts. There's no holding anything in, bottling anything up. (Of course, my husband thinks it's foreplay.) And they learn a lot without us really having to say a word.
Dx 8/8/2004, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 3, 1/20 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Nov 17, 2004 08:30AM richmondnan wrote:

I'm just back from a long weekend away w/ my husband. We took some advice from here (KY lubricating liquid) and the book "Your Long Romantic Weekend". Guys, it was the best weekend away we've ever had. We always have a great time in bed in Miami, but this was the peak (my husband calls it the "sexual olympics" )
Also found a smaller discreet version of the hitachi, called pocket rocket. Used it once, works great to get things going.

Ok, I'm blushing as I post, but I had to share that, plus that our purchases at Vicky's Secret were also fruitful

The exercises in the book are incredible. Its actually a very thoughtful, well written book, not prurient at all. I purchased it online after reading a recommendation in a women's magazine.

Mena, thanks again for starting the topic. I so feared that this part of our marriage would be zilcho after bc, can't believe that it is actually better (with work, practice, and believe it or not, guys, prayer)

Nan
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Nov 17, 2004 03:59PM Mena wrote:

Nan -- WOOO HOOO FOR YOU! And Hubby too!

Funny you should mention the "Pocket Rocket". A good friend of mine who shall remain nameless, (but she posted here several times and the first initial of her name is C and the rest of the letters are onnie) just told me about this gadget. She thought they were no longer being manufactured. Obviously, you've found either a very good replacement or something just as wonderful.

So, where did you get it?????? Huh huh huh huh??????? You can't just leave us hanging like this, Nan. No way. Not fair. Uh uh. Come back.

I just read your post aloud to my husband. Yes, I had to rub that long weekend in his face. Hmmmmmmmmmm. I don't care if we go to the Days Inn three lousy miles away....

Ok, I can get the book, and I'm awaiting my Hitachi Magic Wand. And I just learned that KY has a new warming gel now, as well. I'll be picking that up tomorrow.

Oh fill us in on this Pocket Rocket!

Thanks so much for sharing, even though it made you blush. See how much fun you had! I'm very happy for you. But you must fill in the blanks, puhleeze.

God Bless.
Dx 8/8/2004, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 3, 1/20 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Nov 17, 2004 04:58PM NPat wrote:

Mena,
I haven't visited this discussion site for some time. Shame on me! I found the G2 "Pocket Rocket" Massager at DiscountMassagerStore.com The Customer Service number is 888-434-4488. And IT'S ON SALE!!! Yep, originally $19.99 - now $11.99 and we have a choice of pink or white. Battery NOT included (AA).
Pat
NPat
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Nov 17, 2004 05:00PM Glad wrote:

OK, Mena, You got me, I have to chime in here when it comes to the pocket rocket. LOLOLOL!! Love the thread incidentally, it is definitely a subject that deserves ongoing input, so to speak.

Here's my favorite site for personal toys, hers and his. They are extremely discreet, pack your goodies in brown paper wrap with another named return address, very classy. They are very educational, informative, and experts on the pocket rocket!

http://www.mypleasure.com/store/results.asp?ct=Content%2CStore&q1=pocket+rocket

Enjoy!
Glad Hey, why do you think I am GLAD all the time???
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Nov 17, 2004 05:43PM Mena wrote:

Pat, on sale????? And in pink no less! Might I ask, where have you been all this time? I see you responded at 10:58 and Glad responded at 11:00. That's two minutes apart. I'm lmao......

And Glad, all this time in chat, and NOW, NOW, you chime in.....well, well, well, I can't imagine what you've been up to .

Well, at least Nan is off the hook, thanks to you two!

Thanks. I'm going shopping! Again.
Dx 8/8/2004, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 3, 1/20 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Nov 17, 2004 05:45PM richmondnan wrote:

Mena,
I bought it at a store in Miami Beach. I would have ordered online, but there wasn't time...
I think there is a site with a name kind of like babetoyland or similar which has these products. One of the nice things is that it is run by two women, they don't sell your name to others (none of those obnoxious emails) and they have "reviews" of the various products.
Try a google search and see if you find it.

Make those reservations now!!!!!!!!!!! cute thing. Let me know what you think of the book. (or it might be too XXX to share! )
Nan
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Nov 17, 2004 06:31PM connierc wrote:

Npat/ Mena,

YES, YES, YES -- this is EXACTLY what I was talking about! I have my little box right next to me (since I was telling Mena about it over the phone, and it hasn't left my desk yet -- it's my "stand by" one, have no fear, the other is in the bedside drawer!).

I bought mine -- as well as a number for friends -- when Brookstone was having a GREAT sale on them for about $7 a piece. Mine are white -- but, yup, we all call them "the Pocket Rocket!" VA VA VOOM!

Brookstone (a store) called them "Mini Massager" Item # 156091, and the rocket itself has the "G2" on it -- so YUP, it's the same ONE, MENA!!!!

Thanks, also, for the person who sent the link on where to buy them -- wouldn't mind getting a few more to give as gifts to some friends of mine.

A word of some caution: When I used this (has three little vibrating "gold plated" raised "bumps" for clitoral stimulation) on my hubby's testicals, it was too intense for him. But, he's a bit of a wimp, anyway!

They are also GREAT on nipples, for those of you who still have them. This is a small device, not meant for insertion, or you will lose it! Which a freind of mine did, and actually had to go to ER to have it removed!!!! OMG!!!! And, yes, I went with her, since she was MOST uncomfortable, and couldn't drive with this item stuck inside -- OUCH!

We still laugh over it -- and now she makes sure to get items that have STRINGS on them!!!

OOOOHHHH, I'm so GLAD someone found them again! LADIES, this WILL do the trick! Been my favorite for self-pleasure as well as a couple's play toy for YEARS. And one of my friends, bless her soul, has one, and NEVER thought to use it for this purpose -- used it to relax her neck muscles! I made a better suggestion of use of it to her!

HAPPY SHOPPING!

Oh, and Mena -- very discreet there, lady, real discrete! lol (love ya, sis!)....

luv and hugs and happy playing,
Connie
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Nov 18, 2004 08:54AM hooptiedoo wrote:

Okay, you all have convinced me. Just looking at the vibrators offered at the web site made me aroused -- for the first time in more than a year!!! After looking carefully (my husband is out of work so this will be a major purchase) I've got one picked out and am ready to order it. However, I do have some questions. Should I have this sent to my home, where my husband picks up the mail? Or should I have it sent to the office, where lord knows how many people might see the package before it got to me? It doesn't say "vibrating sex toy enclosed" on the package or anything, does it? Also, will these people send me catalogues and e-mail and stuff and bother me in the future if I buy from them? And what happens if my husband and I are hit by a log truck and my children find this when they're going through our possessions? In other words, how do I get past all my inhibitions long enough to order the d*mn thing???

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Nov 18, 2004 09:27AM Mena wrote:

Hi there Hooptie -- Gee, with a name like that, I'd be inclined to think you're always aroused lol....Anyway, which site did you go to? The site Glad mentioned is very discrete; no give-away packaging and no harassing, x-rated follow-up emails, mailings, etc.

Sent to work? Are you kidding? No, personally, to me this would be worse than having the kids find it. If it gets into the wrong hands, (and if you worry about it, it will) everyone will follow you everytime you go to the ladies room hoping to hear all kinds of unusual sounds lol......

Hit by a log truck? Well, you'd already be dead and therefore won't die of embarrassment.

Hooptie, in all honesty, I have never had anything battery operated before either. But given my circumstances and my commitment to provide all of us with some knowledge, support, advice and personal experience, I have to forego any inhibitions and like Nike says, just do it.

This way, maybe I can do "it" more often, with more gusto, pleasure and spice things up a bit at the same time. And my husband is just loving every minute of this.

Go for it Hooptie! Hopefully, some more women will get back to us with respectful sites from which to order.

Let us know what you decide to do.

God Bless.
Dx 8/8/2004, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 3, 1/20 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Nov 18, 2004 11:11AM connierc wrote:

Here is a GREAT store/ site in the Boston area. The woman, Kim, who runs it understands the need for DISCRETION. IF you want to sign up for her newsletters, you can, and they arrive with only the words "Grand Opening!" on them (the name of the store) -- so NO ONE will know what it is!

For any of you in the Boston area, I HIGHLY recommend you actually GO to her store -- not sleazy, very proper, in a very respectable neighborhood, etc. It's a small boutique, with books, videos (made by WOMEN directors, who understand what it means to make a CORRECT sex video that arouses women -- and not the smut that is usually found in "sex video.").

And, if you DO go to her store, there is an ENTIRE WALL of toys -- oh joy, oh bliss! Toys that adhere to the shower wall, toys that are anatomically correct, toys made of soft materials ('jellies"), toys that are made for every size, color and shape that a woman could EVER ask for!

Kim also holds seminars on a variety of sexual matters, from the sensual strip tease, to female ejaculation, and just about EVERYTHIING, with well respected woman in the sexual education field -- I've gone to some, and they are ALWAYS tastefully done.

And, you don't have to worry about a package arriving at your door that the postman will snicker about -- nothing about it says "SEX TOY!!!"

Enjoy looking through her site, and while some of the items ARE expensive, she also has less expensive ones, as well. Also, all SORTS of lubricants, chocolate body paint (OMG, can you die and go to heaven with THAT idea!?), and just about ANYTHING else you can thing of!

So, have fun exploring her site, and hope there is something there for everyone.

For those of you who have partners who would be interested in looking at the site, go through it together. Just doing THAT might work!

Now to see if I can actually put the link in here....

http://catalog.grandopening.com/catalog/

hope it comes up as a link....on my screen, it is only showing in black with no underline. In any event, at least you will have the address to type in. Or, if you don't want anyone to KNOW that you are doing that, go to GOOGLE, type in "grand opening brookline massachusetts" and about the fourth selection down is the store! That way, it doesn't show up on your "location bar/ history bar" ( a trick I found out when I didn't want hubby to know I was looking on Ebay! hee hee).

ENJOY!!!!

Connie
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Nov 18, 2004 02:24PM NPat wrote:

Hooptie,

If you order from www.discountmassagerstore.com it is billed from lingeriestore.com Now, the batteries are not included... so the package won't be vibrating!

Oh, my, but what if batteries WERE included and as your mailman is sorting your mail... there is a strange sound coming from your mail stack... Is it a bomb? Not sure... The SWAT team is called...(You know how lucky the Post Office has been lately!)... The package is carefully observed as it rattles and rolls... The SWAT robot carefully picks it up and deposits it outside... where it is DETONATED!!! THERE GOES HOOPTIE'S G2 POCKET ROCKET!!!

And... on the 6 o'clock news in Savannah that evening the grim-faced anchor drones, "There was a little excitement today when a package containing a G2 Pocket Rocket was detonated outside the Post Office. The parcel was addressed to Ms. Hooptie..... bla, bla, bla... "

Oh, my... hehe... We gotta laugh!!!

I wish everyone super mojo...

Pat
NPat
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Nov 18, 2004 02:58PM AnneW wrote:

Fabulous thread!!!

I'm headed straight for the "toy store" websites as soon as I finish up here!

I talked to my onc last week about testosterone supplementation, and he actually wrote me a script for the cream! Since I had good prognostic factors and am on an aromatase inhibitor (Femara), he felt that my quantity of life was fine, so let's enhance the quality!!

(Testosterone, in the body anyway--no research on pharmaceutical sources--is converted to estrogen in post-menopausal women by the enzyme aromatase. Since I'm on Femara, I *should* be able to safely take testosterone, as the conversion to estrogen will be blocked.)

So, I rub in a bit of this cream twice a day. So far, I must admit I have more energy, but there's been no budging of my libido. But hell, it's only been a week. I figure I've been so depleted that it could take a month or two to get the levels up a bit.

So, I'll keep y'all posted. In the meantime, let's PLAY!!

Anne
2002 IDC stage 1, grade 1, rads & AI Dx 9/18/2007, ILC, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-

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