A safe place to talk candidly about how your romantic relationships and/or your sex life has changed following your diagnosis and treatment.
Posted on: Oct 17, 2004 10:45AM - edited Feb 9, 2016 10:04AM by Moderators
You know, this loss of libido thing is just unnacceptable. I was in the chat room earlier today and mentioned it and man, you should've heard how many of us are experiencing this problem. I promised the ladies I'd post my rant, so here it comes (or....doesn't ).
If bc were a man's disease, not only would there be a cure for bc by now, but certainly there'd be a plethora of non-hormonal therapies available for whatever the female version is of "erectile dysfuntion". I don't think I'm exaggerating. I'll make the damn commercials myself (no pride here lol).
Prior to the news of my recurrence/mets (August) my husband and I had a phenomenal sex life. I absofreakinlutely loved making love to my husband. (Btw, I'm 43; and as part of tx for mets, I was chemically oopherized with Zoladex and take Femara daily).
I still enjoy loving my love. Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, I do. Even physically I still like it. It's just not rockin' my world, as they say, like it used to. I miss that. And I refuse to accept this as acceptable. It is not. If the genders were reversed, this would be the first &%$#* problem they'd address! Well, ok, the second.
I know the clinical reasons for the low libido, but there's got to be something out there for us that's not contraindicated with treatment. Here's what I've tried so far: a Zen approach; a "go w/the flow" attitude; a "get started and it'll all just kick in" mindset; a "try not to think about it at all" focus; et al.
I'm interested in hearing what the rest of you have to say about this matter, and I know it is an intimate one. But we're all sisters and I do hope some of you will share your experiences and whatever help you've found for missing mojo.
Thanks for letting me vent. God Bless.
****************************Addition from February 4, 2016***********************************
We've gone through a lot (not all) of the pages on this topic, and tried to compile your suggestions.
Do you feel that this is a complete list of what has been discussed here? Please help us make a comprehensive list of your ideas!
Member suggestions for helping the libido:
Watch romantic movie or soft-porn on Netflix
Watch porn or visit short videos on Tumblr, YouTube, or other internet site
A little wine, or other substance to help relax (e.g. medical marijuana)
Massage and massage oils
Literotica: Erotic/sexual stories as an alternative to images
Super sexy lingerie or fun clothing
Have partner practice foreplay and/or oral sex
Practice masturbation on a regular basis
Mindfulness, i.e. focus on what your five senses are experiencing in the moment --To keep your thoughts from dwelling on cancer and scars
Member suggestions to improve vaginal moisture:
Coconut oil works best as a moisturizer (freeze small balls to make suppositories)
Vitamin E suppositories
Replens long-lasting moisturizer
Luvena vaginal moisturizer
Shea butter melted into olive oil at a 2:1 ratio
DHEA vaginal suppositories
Tip to use an applicator to insert moisturizers and apply a few times a week.
Member suggestion for lubrication during sexual activity:
Astroglide Natural (free from glycerin, fragrance, flavorings, and hormones)
Slippery Stuff (free from glycerin and parabens)
K-Y warming Jelly
K-Y Sensual Silk Liquid (paraben-free)
K-Y UltraGel (paraben-free)
Astroglide, X (silicone-based)
Platinum Wet (silicone-based)
Replens silky smooth lubricant (silicone-based)
Sliquid natural lubricants (free from DEA, gluten, glycerine, glycerol, parabens, PEG, propylene glycol, sorbitol & sulphates)
Additional member suggestion to reduce pain:
Topical Lidocaine solution for use at the entrance of the vagina
Member suggestion for sex toys:
Vibrators (e.g. Hitachi Magic Wand, Pink Dot Vibe, Pocket Rocket, the Rabbit)
Dildos for pleasure, to stretch the entrance, prevent vaginal atrophy and strengthen muscles
Member suggestion for estrogen or hormone-based treatments
(MUST discuss first with oncologists as not typically recommended for women who have had breast cancer)
Vagifem® (estradiol vaginal tablets) inserts
Testosterone patch or gel
ESTRING® (estradiol vaginal ring)
ESTRACE® CREAM (estradiol vaginal cream)
Scream Cream - contains a combination of prescription and non-prescription components described as blood flow enhancers and vasodiolators to apply to your clitoris (adding here, as it contains a bit of Testosterone- 0.25mg per dose)
Other member suggestions:
Kegel exercises to strengthen pelvic muscles
Pelvic physical therapy
Dilators to stretch the skin in your vaginal area and re-train the pelvic floor muscles to relax
Observe which antidepressant you take, and make necessary changes
MonaLisa Touch: A minimally invasive laser treatment for vaginal rejuvenation.
Easier if she "goes first".
Regular activity is important.
Read the book, COUPLES CONFRONTING CANCER: KEEPING YOUR RELATIONSHIP STRONG, by Fincammon & Bruss, published by the American Cancer Society.
Share this thread with your husband/lover to create a new bond of intimacy, normalize what others are going through and open communication.
Take a look at this resource: https://sexualityresources.com
Posts 91 - 120 (4,296 total)
Nov 19, 2004 05:37AM hooptiedoo wrote:
HooptieDoo's update: Well, ladies, I did it. As of this moment, the Pink Dot Vibe is hurtling towards my mailbox! I actually paid a dollar extra so it would come Priority Mail. I just looked in a mirror and my face is bright red, so I'm trying to hide from my co-workers until my blood pressure returns to normal. I should have this wonder product in 3 to 5 days, so it could come while we're out of town for Tgiving. My husband is going to wonder why I'm in such a hurry to get home. Boy howdy, is he going to be surprised!!! I'm taking off work from Tgiving Day to the following Wednesday, and hopefully will be having a LOT of fun. I'm DESPERATE for some relief! And as for vibrators causing bomb scares, have you seen all the news stories about vibrators going off in airports and the people who own them getting searched? Now wouldn't THAT be a passion killer.
Nov 19, 2004 07:04AM connierc wrote:It's OK, Sphynx, you can gather all the info you want -- and when you feel ready, peek out of the closet and join on in! THIS discussion board seems to be, well, rather popular, for some strange reason! Can't imagine why.....
Nov 19, 2004 07:07AM connierc wrote:OMG, can you imagine going through airports security!? What a HOOT that would be! I have some friends who enjoy, well, rather unusual activities, and THEIR bag sent all the alarms off with all the metal in their "play bag." I could just SEE the face of the poor security person pulling wrist cuffs, restraints, tons of various vibrators, lubricants, harnesses, whips, etc., out of THAT bag! OMG!!!!
Nov 19, 2004 08:06AM Mena wrote:Hey ladies -- First, Pat, I was laughing out loud when I read your post about the SWAT team and all......
Nov 19, 2004 01:30PM blueiris wrote:
Since we are doing product reviews here let me warn you away from something. I bought some strawberry flavored whipped cream from Fredrick's of Hollywood and it was some of the nastiest stuff I have every tasted. Dumb me didn't taste it before spraying it all over. Plus it left a lovely pink stain on the white nighty I bought at the same time. The store had tester bottles of the different flavors, but there was no way that I was going to eat some flavored whipped cream in the store at the mall! Eew! Oh yeah my hubby thought the whole thing was stupid, so I didn't even get any points for creativity! Oh well. Live and learn.
Nov 20, 2004 04:05AM AnneW wrote:A friend recommends the chocolate sauce that hardens on ice cream. She's never lead me astray, so I bought some.
Nov 20, 2004 05:36AM Mena wrote:Hi Anne -- chocolate on the sheets???????
Nov 20, 2004 05:41AM richmondnan wrote:You guys are one of my favorites to visit!
Nov 20, 2004 07:07AM NPat wrote:Oh, my!!!
Nov 21, 2004 02:54PM Mena wrote:Ok, forgive my naivete here, but just where is everyone flying off to for soooooo long that you need to pack your vibrators??????? (not to mention what Connie's friends pack)
Nov 22, 2004 01:46PM connierc wrote:ah, mena, mena, mena....
Nov 24, 2004 01:46PM Mena wrote:Oh Connie, Connie, Connie. Thanks for sharing, but no thanks. We're very adventuresome in our own natural, sweaty, lights-on, goofy, lots of positions, fun-loving way. However, we're just not ones for blindfolds and tying one another up and all that (I'd probably have a panic attack lol).
Nov 24, 2004 02:50PM Carol2156 wrote:Oh my! How did I miss this thread for so long!???!! (Mena - be good to yourself, when you are ready - try it!) Sometimes even with our significant others - all we have are ourselves! It can be a great release and tension easer...
Nov 24, 2004 05:42PM scorpiox55 wrote:Well, tonite, we are trying the Vigel. (Thanks Mena)...This has been really tough not being like I used to be! I don't think I am quite ready for handcuffs and butt items though! Thanks anyway! My hubby would probably die from a heart attack if I pulled out some of that stuff! It looks painful! Well, if this stuff doesn't work, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it............Jo
Nov 26, 2004 09:42AM scorpiox55 wrote:
Ok, here it is..I have been smiling ALL DAY. We used the Vigel and it seemed to have helped. I won't go into any details but I seemed to even notice a little 'flicker' of mojo present. The end result was impressive. ok, happy? LOL!! Love to everyone! Jo
Nov 26, 2004 10:05AM Mena wrote:What??? No details??? OMG. Shall we translate that word "impressive" to mean the big "O". OMG.
Nov 28, 2004 04:54AM Glad wrote:OK, Ms. Mena darling... how come we have not heard how your "package" worked for YOU??? No secrets here, babe, remember? Last we heard, the package had arrived, you told your daughter to go put it on your bed, you had not even opened it, and AND AND???????
Nov 28, 2004 06:27AM Mena wrote:Preliminary results in:
Nov 28, 2004 08:49AM CasinoGirl wrote:I just had to respond to this. Miss Mena...does this mean your "down, down, down" last couple of weeks are now reverting to "up, up, up'?
Nov 29, 2004 06:44AM NPat wrote:Sisterhood,
Nov 29, 2004 07:14AM Kathy_Verett wrote:Mena, You are a brave one for starting this thread! However, you hit a nerve if you haven't figured that out. Besides screwing up our hormones, our thoughts haven't been on sex like they were before, at least that is my situation. I think the hormones help us think about sex more often. I have consciously tried to think about erotic things more and it helps. Also, "practice makes perfect", and " if you don't use it you lose it" makes a lot of sense because frequency helps. I sometimes have to take more time than I used to, but it pays off and I have a great husband!