A safe place to talk candidly about how your romantic relationships and/or your sex life has changed following your diagnosis and treatment.
Posted on: Oct 17, 2004 09:45AM - edited Feb 9, 2016 09:04AM by Moderators
You know, this loss of libido thing is just unnacceptable. I was in the chat room earlier today and mentioned it and man, you should've heard how many of us are experiencing this problem. I promised the ladies I'd post my rant, so here it comes (or....doesn't ).
If bc were a man's disease, not only would there be a cure for bc by now, but certainly there'd be a plethora of non-hormonal therapies available for whatever the female version is of "erectile dysfuntion". I don't think I'm exaggerating. I'll make the damn commercials myself (no pride here lol).
Prior to the news of my recurrence/mets (August) my husband and I had a phenomenal sex life. I absofreakinlutely loved making love to my husband. (Btw, I'm 43; and as part of tx for mets, I was chemically oopherized with Zoladex and take Femara daily).
I still enjoy loving my love. Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, I do. Even physically I still like it. It's just not rockin' my world, as they say, like it used to. I miss that. And I refuse to accept this as acceptable. It is not. If the genders were reversed, this would be the first &%$#* problem they'd address! Well, ok, the second.
I know the clinical reasons for the low libido, but there's got to be something out there for us that's not contraindicated with treatment. Here's what I've tried so far: a Zen approach; a "go w/the flow" attitude; a "get started and it'll all just kick in" mindset; a "try not to think about it at all" focus; et al.
I'm interested in hearing what the rest of you have to say about this matter, and I know it is an intimate one. But we're all sisters and I do hope some of you will share your experiences and whatever help you've found for missing mojo.
Thanks for letting me vent. God Bless.
****************************Addition from February 4, 2016***********************************
We've gone through a lot (not all) of the pages on this topic, and tried to compile your suggestions.
Do you feel that this is a complete list of what has been discussed here? Please help us make a comprehensive list of your ideas!
Member suggestions for helping the libido:
Watch romantic movie or soft-porn on Netflix
Watch porn or visit short videos on Tumblr, YouTube, or other internet site
A little wine, or other substance to help relax (e.g. medical marijuana)
Massage and massage oils
Literotica: Erotic/sexual stories as an alternative to images
Super sexy lingerie or fun clothing
Have partner practice foreplay and/or oral sex
Practice masturbation on a regular basis
Mindfulness, i.e. focus on what your five senses are experiencing in the moment --To keep your thoughts from dwelling on cancer and scars
Member suggestions to improve vaginal moisture:
Coconut oil works best as a moisturizer (freeze small balls to make suppositories)
Vitamin E suppositories
Replens long-lasting moisturizer
Luvena vaginal moisturizer
Shea butter melted into olive oil at a 2:1 ratio
DHEA vaginal suppositories
Tip to use an applicator to insert moisturizers and apply a few times a week.
Member suggestion for lubrication during sexual activity:
Astroglide Natural (free from glycerin, fragrance, flavorings, and hormones)
Slippery Stuff (free from glycerin and parabens)
K-Y warming Jelly
K-Y Sensual Silk Liquid (paraben-free)
K-Y UltraGel (paraben-free)
Astroglide, X (silicone-based)
Platinum Wet (silicone-based)
Replens silky smooth lubricant (silicone-based)
Sliquid natural lubricants (free from DEA, gluten, glycerine, glycerol, parabens, PEG, propylene glycol, sorbitol & sulphates)
Additional member suggestion to reduce pain:
Topical Lidocaine solution for use at the entrance of the vagina
Member suggestion for sex toys:
Vibrators (e.g. Hitachi Magic Wand, Pink Dot Vibe, Pocket Rocket, the Rabbit)
Dildos for pleasure, to stretch the entrance, prevent vaginal atrophy and strengthen muscles
Member suggestion for estrogen or hormone-based treatments
(MUST discuss first with oncologists as not typically recommended for women who have had breast cancer)
Vagifem® (estradiol vaginal tablets) inserts
Testosterone patch or gel
ESTRING® (estradiol vaginal ring)
ESTRACE® CREAM (estradiol vaginal cream)
Scream Cream - contains a combination of prescription and non-prescription components described as blood flow enhancers and vasodiolators to apply to your clitoris (adding here, as it contains a bit of Testosterone- 0.25mg per dose)
Other member suggestions:
Kegel exercises to strengthen pelvic muscles
Pelvic physical therapy
Dilators to stretch the skin in your vaginal area and re-train the pelvic floor muscles to relax
Observe which antidepressant you take, and make necessary changes
MonaLisa Touch: A minimally invasive laser treatment for vaginal rejuvenation.
Easier if she "goes first".
Regular activity is important.
Read the book, COUPLES CONFRONTING CANCER: KEEPING YOUR RELATIONSHIP STRONG, by Fincammon & Bruss, published by the American Cancer Society.
Share this thread with your husband/lover to create a new bond of intimacy, normalize what others are going through and open communication.
Take a look at this resource: https://sexualityresources.com
Posts 181 - 210 (4,307 total)
Dec 18, 2004 07:18AM Glad wrote:Thanks for the compliments, Mena and Liz, and I know you are TOO KIND! LOL!
Dec 18, 2004 09:15AM Mena wrote:AHEM.
Dec 18, 2004 09:32AM richmondnan wrote:Woohoo Mena, you go girl!!!
Dec 18, 2004 10:05AM SpanArtist wrote:YAY, Mena!!! Trip the light FANTASTIC, girl!!! I'm SO HAPPY for you that the "BIG GUN" worked!!! GOOD FOR YOU! GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dec 19, 2004 12:59AM Glad wrote:OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!! (my palms are sweaty LOL)
Dec 19, 2004 06:37AM Kathy_Verett wrote:OK I've got to plug the mattress we have. A friend of a friend had bc and recon. about 8 years ago. She couldn't get comfortable to sleep, so her doc recommended a Tempurpedic mattress. She got one and my friend got one, too. My husband was having hip pain that kept him from sleeping about 2 years ago, so we got one. It is great! You need a really comfortable place for the "come stupor". Ha!
Dec 19, 2004 11:21AM Mena wrote:OK ladies -- Now I'm trying to talk my husband into this Tempurpedic mattress.
Dec 19, 2004 02:57PM Kathy_Verett wrote:I ordered it online and it was delivered to our house. They will deliver to your door, literally, or come in your house and set up the bed for you. We got the door delivery and put the mattress on our current box spring. You don't have to have a special box spring, just a good sturdy one. The Tempurpedic mattress is a foam and it is heavy. I have flannel sheets on ours now and it is heaven!
Dec 21, 2004 07:30PM connierc wrote:Mena,
Dec 23, 2004 08:08PM Glad wrote:OK, got my "package" yesterday, and opened it, looked at it, plugged it in, and then put it back in the box for tryout later today. LOL. Suffering "rads fatigue", and just could not get into Mojo mood. I think my hubby was a little dissapointed, poor guy, after all, it was his investment. I did press it against his back and he loved the feeling. I am thinking it will be a multi-use tool. I was a little concerned about all the cautions in the instruction book saying not to use it on "wet surfaces" or in bed... ????? Oh well, we are ALL rule breakers here, aren't we?
Dec 24, 2004 02:09AM Mena wrote:Huh????
Dec 26, 2004 11:10AM Glad wrote:CONSUMER REPORT- Hitachi Magic Wand
Jan 5, 2005 11:23PM Sphynx wrote:Here's a mojo joke for you...
Jan 6, 2005 04:41AM Mena wrote:Hahahaha, cute Sphynx. Next time someone brings up that philosophical debate, I'll have something uniquely mojo to add hahahahah.
Jan 6, 2005 04:46AM hooptiedoo wrote:
It's been a while since I've posted in this thread, but I did promise to report back, so here I am. Like Mena, I, too, have found my missing mojo!!! Once over the past weekend with my husband and by myself (blush, blush) a few nights later with the Pink Dot Vibe. These were the first orgasms I have had in 1 1/2 YEARS and they were just as wonderful as those I've experienced in the past. It's amazing how much better I feel. I'm no longer so fatigued, my spirits have lifted dramatically and my joints don't hurt nearly as much. I honestly believe a lot of my complaints were the result of sexual frustration! Best of all, my desire is back. For more than a year, I not only had no desire, I had no feeling down there. NOTHING felt good. Please note, it took some planning and work to get to this point. It did NOT happen overnight. My doctors collaborated to get my juices flowing again <g>, my husband helped out in ways I won't mention <g>, and I practiced a LOT with the Pink Dot Vibe <g> (I'm grinning a LOT this week) before anything happened. I am a true believer in the use-it-or-lose-it school of thought. Practice makes perfect, so those of you who are still searching for your mojo, take heart -- it can happen!
Jan 6, 2005 01:40PM richmondnan wrote:Hooptie,
Jan 8, 2005 12:22AM Mena wrote:Hey Hooptie -- I told you a long time ago that with a name like "Hooptie," you seemed a natural for "wooptie".....wooo hoooo for you!
Jan 9, 2005 06:36AM Claiire wrote:
Jan 10, 2005 08:45AM hooptiedoo wrote:It wasn't just the poking and prodding that had me down, it was also my own self image. I had never given much attention to my appearance and was by no means vain, but when I lost a breast, my hair, my eyebrows, my eyelashes and gained about 20 pounds, I felt really ugly. No one acted like I was, it was my own perception. Also, I just think the body needs time to fight back against the treatment (and the disease itself) without any distractions, and that includes sex. Once the need to fight so hard diminishes, the perks come back!