A safe place to talk candidly about how your romantic relationships and/or your sex life has changed following your diagnosis and treatment.
Posted on: Oct 17, 2004 12:45PM - edited Feb 9, 2016 12:04PM by Moderators
You know, this loss of libido thing is just unnacceptable. I was in the chat room earlier today and mentioned it and man, you should've heard how many of us are experiencing this problem. I promised the ladies I'd post my rant, so here it comes (or....doesn't ).
If bc were a man's disease, not only would there be a cure for bc by now, but certainly there'd be a plethora of non-hormonal therapies available for whatever the female version is of "erectile dysfuntion". I don't think I'm exaggerating. I'll make the damn commercials myself (no pride here lol).
Prior to the news of my recurrence/mets (August) my husband and I had a phenomenal sex life. I absofreakinlutely loved making love to my husband. (Btw, I'm 43; and as part of tx for mets, I was chemically oopherized with Zoladex and take Femara daily).
I still enjoy loving my love. Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, I do. Even physically I still like it. It's just not rockin' my world, as they say, like it used to. I miss that. And I refuse to accept this as acceptable. It is not. If the genders were reversed, this would be the first &%$#* problem they'd address! Well, ok, the second.
I know the clinical reasons for the low libido, but there's got to be something out there for us that's not contraindicated with treatment. Here's what I've tried so far: a Zen approach; a "go w/the flow" attitude; a "get started and it'll all just kick in" mindset; a "try not to think about it at all" focus; et al.
I'm interested in hearing what the rest of you have to say about this matter, and I know it is an intimate one. But we're all sisters and I do hope some of you will share your experiences and whatever help you've found for missing mojo.
Thanks for letting me vent. God Bless.
****************************Addition from February 4, 2016***********************************
We've gone through a lot (not all) of the pages on this topic, and tried to compile your suggestions.
Do you feel that this is a complete list of what has been discussed here? Please help us make a comprehensive list of your ideas!
Member suggestions for helping the libido:
Watch romantic movie or soft-porn on Netflix
Watch porn or visit short videos on Tumblr, YouTube, or other internet site
A little wine, or other substance to help relax (e.g. medical marijuana)
Massage and massage oils
Literotica: Erotic/sexual stories as an alternative to images
Super sexy lingerie or fun clothing
Have partner practice foreplay and/or oral sex
Practice masturbation on a regular basis
Mindfulness, i.e. focus on what your five senses are experiencing in the moment --To keep your thoughts from dwelling on cancer and scars
Member suggestions to improve vaginal moisture:
Coconut oil works best as a moisturizer (freeze small balls to make suppositories)
Vitamin E suppositories
Replens long-lasting moisturizer
Luvena vaginal moisturizer
Shea butter melted into olive oil at a 2:1 ratio
DHEA vaginal suppositories
Tip to use an applicator to insert moisturizers and apply a few times a week.
Member suggestion for lubrication during sexual activity:
Astroglide Natural (free from glycerin, fragrance, flavorings, and hormones)
Slippery Stuff (free from glycerin and parabens)
K-Y warming Jelly
K-Y Sensual Silk Liquid (paraben-free)
K-Y UltraGel (paraben-free)
Astroglide, X (silicone-based)
Platinum Wet (silicone-based)
Replens silky smooth lubricant (silicone-based)
Sliquid natural lubricants (free from DEA, gluten, glycerine, glycerol, parabens, PEG, propylene glycol, sorbitol & sulphates)
Additional member suggestion to reduce pain:
Topical Lidocaine solution for use at the entrance of the vagina
Member suggestion for sex toys:
Vibrators (e.g. Hitachi Magic Wand, Pink Dot Vibe, Pocket Rocket, the Rabbit)
Dildos for pleasure, to stretch the entrance, prevent vaginal atrophy and strengthen muscles
Member suggestion for estrogen or hormone-based treatments
(MUST discuss first with oncologists as not typically recommended for women who have had breast cancer)
Vagifem® (estradiol vaginal tablets) inserts
Testosterone patch or gel
ESTRING® (estradiol vaginal ring)
ESTRACE® CREAM (estradiol vaginal cream)
Scream Cream - contains a combination of prescription and non-prescription components described as blood flow enhancers and vasodiolators to apply to your clitoris (adding here, as it contains a bit of Testosterone- 0.25mg per dose)
Other member suggestions:
Kegel exercises to strengthen pelvic muscles
Pelvic physical therapy
Dilators to stretch the skin in your vaginal area and re-train the pelvic floor muscles to relax
Observe which antidepressant you take, and make necessary changes
MonaLisa Touch: A minimally invasive laser treatment for vaginal rejuvenation.
Easier if she "goes first".
Regular activity is important.
Read the book, COUPLES CONFRONTING CANCER: KEEPING YOUR RELATIONSHIP STRONG, by Fincammon & Bruss, published by the American Cancer Society.
Share this thread with your husband/lover to create a new bond of intimacy, normalize what others are going through and open communication.
Take a look at this resource: https://sexualityresources.com
Posts 211 - 240 (4,308 total)
Jan 12, 2005 07:39AM Ltb3105 wrote:Seriously folks, I am thinking of seeing a sex therapist. SOMEthing HAS to be wrong with me! I was never that enthused about sex in the first place, but since dx, tx, menopause symptoms, it is practically nonexistent. I mean, the nuns in the convent must be having a better time than I am!
Jan 12, 2005 08:59AM May64-2004Nov08 wrote:Hey,
Jan 13, 2005 03:36PM Mena wrote:Hi Rachel -- Yes, several er+ ladies here have or are now using testosterone successfully. My onc said "no", but probably because I'm only in tx for mets for five months and she feels I'm doing well and doesn't want to mess with anything.
Jan 14, 2005 11:19AM Ltb3105 wrote:How do I even BEGIN to look for a sex therapist? Call information and say, "gee, uh, ahem, do you have any listings for sex therapists in this area?" Do I call my insurance people or can i maybe look it up on the net, my ins. has doctors you can find in the network...doubt they'll list them as sex doc's, maybe a marriage counselor can steer me in the right direction???
Jan 16, 2005 12:17PM Sphynx wrote:Got a mojo joke for you ... it may be too risque' for the humor section...
Jan 16, 2005 03:29PM Ltb3105 wrote:I've got one too, and it's an airplane joke as well. This one's more risque as I have to use the F word so here goes:
Jan 17, 2005 09:16PM connierc wrote:Hi Laura,
Jan 19, 2005 05:23PM May64-2004Nov08 wrote:Dear Claire,
Jan 20, 2005 10:16AM Ltb3105 wrote:I have an appt. with my pdoc next month, think I will ask her about it, since antidepressants *can* put a damper on the libido, I'm sure she's got lots of patients with the same complaints and can steer me in the right direction!!
Jan 21, 2005 12:54AM connierc wrote:PLEASE NOTE: This is a "clinically-descriptive" post. I do not want to offend anyone, so I am saying this "up front." Nothing in here is truly offensive, and no foul language had been used. ALSO NOTE: The links I have attached will bring you to pages on the "Adam & Eve" website, which is FOR ADULTS ONLY . Some might be shocked at the "presentation" of the items, but the great prices are worth looking at, for lubricants and other "toys." PLEASE, DO NOT open these links when minors are present or if you are easily offended! Thank you....
Jan 21, 2005 01:29AM susan_CNY wrote:
Connie, thank you so much for the info! before my hysterectomy at 32, I had natural lubrication, after that the breakthrough bleeding was the only salvation I had. I wish there were docs that cared enough to investigate that subject.I am now 53 and hate to admit that my 3 weeks out of 4 while bleeding were the sexiest moments of my life, and the introduction of cancer, maybe I should have refused the hysterectomy, just could not afford to keep the Kotex company in business and support my 3 kids, gotta do what the big guys suggest! For what that is worth. If its nots your wife, who cares?
Jan 25, 2005 05:54PM SimplySouth wrote:Dear Ladies,
Jan 25, 2005 06:15PM Anonymous wrote:
Hi Deborah, where are you in North Florida? are you on the Gulf coast side? A bunch of us are planning on a get together this Spring, and if you live over on this side, maybe you'd like to join us. We thought New Orleans would be a central meeting place, since some of us live in Pensacola/Panama City area and some in Mississippi, and some in Louisanna area. Hope to see ya again soon on the boards.