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Jun 28, 2017 07:11AM
Jun 28, 2017 07:25AM
Hi Gogo..Let me say a few words from just one guy's perspective who is in a somewhat similar situation, in fact it's why I joined this community, to read and understand better what women are facing and mainly listen, but here, I offer my thoughts.
I met and started dating a simply amazingly wonderful beautiful woman 2 months ago via an online app (still can't believe that part!). . I'll spare the details for sake of brevity but lets just say we fell for each other-- for me, it was head over heels; we clicked, intellectually, physically, sense of humor, the works. On our third date, no less, we were sitting in the car after a nice evening and she slowly began to tell me something that I could tell was difficult to get out, saying, something like "i'm not sure I should tell you this now... and you may run away and I don't blame you..but I am having an MRI & biopsy soon and..." She not too long thereafter found out it was DCIS.
As for me running away, nothing could be further from the case.I told her, without flinching, I was there for her no matter what. Maybe I was dewy-eyed and clueless, and yes, it was jarring and a little frightening, but, my heart is my compass and I was falling in love with HER, not a part of her body.
But then, after some thought shortly thereafter , she let me know that she couldn't take on a relationship now with so much uncertainty ahead of her and, she had to break up with me saying, it was a very hard decision but just something she couldn't handle now. Also she said with kindness it wasn't fair to me that she wouldn't be able to give me the attention I deserve (Of course, I poo-pooed this). Naturally, this was and continues to be deeply saddening to me. I consider myself a sensitive, empathetic guy, and she has been constantly on my mind, but, as hard as it's been, I understood she had to prioritize for her life. And of course, the hardest part is that as a new person in her life (she's separated and divorced yet with has two younger kids.), I have to accept that I take a back seat to her top priorities like her recovery, her kids, her family/friends and her job. I have been coming to terms with not be able to be by her side; it's not been easy.
She had the operation two days ago and I have no idea about her condition... and I now await, hopefully, word at some point that she is recovering well while I hold out hope that some day, not too far into the future, she may trust me and invite me back into her life. I just have to be patient, and present when -- and if --she decides it's time.
I'm grateful to have found this community to express what it is like from a caring man's point of view. There are guys like us out there but, like people say, even in the best of circumstances, finding a person you click with is a "numbers game," "a needle in a haystack" and all the other bromides. For you now it's even tougher but something tells me when you will know the right time to tell him -- and you'll probably know in your gut when that is. I think you'll also know right away if he's the right chap for you. My hope is he indeed is.
I will be making her a card today and sending her a book of poetry (we both share a love of poetry).
Love truly is a potent medicine.