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Topic: Husband looked up topless women on internet

Forum: Sex & Relationship Matters —

A safe place to talk candidly about how your romantic relationships and/or your sex life has changed following your diagnosis and treatment.

Posted on: Apr 15, 2018 03:31AM

Jscresteds wrote:

Hi all,

I have been in remission for 3 1/2 years. I put off getting reconstruction because when I had the bilateral mastectomy I developed skin necrosis. I happened to look at husbands phone last night to look at pictures he took of our grandchildren. When I unlocked his phone to look at the pics the page on the screen was YouTube and he had searched for topless girls. I promptly put the the phone down and didn’t take mention.

A little back story, he has cheated on me twice in our 28 yr marriage. The last time he did was 15 years ago. He went through many hours of therapy.

This has really hurt me. I am really trying to figure out where to go from here. I am not really sure I want to be in this relationship any more.

Anyone had a similar experience?



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Apr 15, 2018 08:08AM vampeyes wrote:

Hi Jen,

First of all {HUGS}, I am sorry that you are going through this. I haven't had a similar experience with a cheating husband, but I did look at his phone once and he lost it on me - haven't touched it since! Apparently phones are private - who knew I didn't think it would be an issue, but that's another story. I am going to ask you one question - ARE YOU HAPPY? Life is too short to not be happy. There is lots of support around you, lots of fun groups you can join. Go enjoy life, the one thing cancer taught me.


Dx 9/20/2017, IDC, Left, 1cm, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH) Surgery 10/18/2017 Lumpectomy: Left Surgery 11/15/2017 Lumpectomy: Left Hormonal Therapy 3/1/2018 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Radiation Therapy 1/29/2019 Whole-breast: Breast
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Apr 15, 2018 09:36AM Lula73 wrote:

agree with vamp eyes above. I know you mentioned he has cheated before, but a topless girl search on YouTube isn’t another cheating incidence. It could be a sign he’s thinking about it, but it could also be just the male libido. I’d sit down and discuss it with him civilly and see what he has to say.

-Lula Dx 1/2017, DCIS/IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 2/13/2017 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Prophylactic ovary removal; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap Hormonal Therapy 3/2/2017 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery 11/1/2017 Prophylactic ovary removal
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Apr 15, 2018 10:24AM klvans wrote:

I understand that past cheating incidents make this a more sensitive issue for you but in general a guy looking at topless women is normal and harmless, just my opinion. It's your real life overall relationship with him that matters.

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