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Topic: No sex for 12 yrs

Forum: Sex & Relationship Matters —

A safe place to talk candidly about how your romantic relationships and/or your sex life has changed following your diagnosis and treatment.

Posted on: Sep 1, 2019 12:07AM

Imtoyoung wrote:

Sex is like "something I use to know" —— it's like a part of my brain simply can't fathom the act. I love to touch by hugging and holding hands, but NO WAY getting intimate or kissing passionately. Harmon's Dr. examined me and said I couldn't have estrogen and they couldn't dial in the testosterone, I was a mess with that. I got NOTHING!!!! I really liked sex a bunch. No husband for 10 years, no desire to "experiment"with new person. I just want to take a pill and it comes back. LOL.

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Sep 3, 2019 06:12AM productsgram wrote:

Sex positivity is a great thing. In a time when we're constantly working to undo decades of sexual guilt or shame, being sex positive can be an educational balm for many people and their partners.

But sex positivity isn't about pushing everyone into the same bed. It's about making sure the experience is healthy and consensual.

While there are many reasons people choose to have sex (pleasure, pleasing others, intimacy, stress relief, escape, or self-validation), there are plenty of other ways to meet these reasons without having sex.

Meaning, if you're completely disinterested in sex, you don't have to do it! Nothing will "break" or "get old" just because you aren't having sex. More importantly, being purely and wholly disinterested in sexual activity is a choice that needs to be respected.

So, in a world that oversimplifies sex, it may be helpful to understand what never having sex really means and how to explain it to others.

Here's everything you need to know.

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Sep 3, 2019 05:00PM Miriandra wrote:

Sex has innumerable layers to it. There's the physical sensations, there's interpersonal connections, there's intimacy and trust, ... so very much all bundled into one instinctive act!

If you enjoyed sex in the past, but you don't have a partner (or a desire to seek one out), have you considered trying out sex toys? The styles and features are almost overwhelming - movement, shapes, sizes, materials, even wifi! - all kinds of options you never even considered. And with a toy, you can focus on your needs, your preferences, and your enjoyment. While there are some seedy shops out there, there are also many clean and non-judgmental stores with helpful clerks who can answer questions and make the experience feel very normal. You can also find on-line shops for more discretion if you feel uncomfortable buying in person. There are even toy review sites to give you an idea of what is available these days. (My favorite is Oh Joy Sex Toy. Unfortunately I can't include a link, but you can google it.)

Good luck, and I hope you find a happy solution for you. :)

Dx 5/31/2019, DCIS/IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, 0/1 nodes, ER+ Surgery 8/14/2019 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left
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Sep 25, 2019 08:13PM trinigirl50 wrote:

I beg to differ with the statement "nothing will break or get old". The vagina will atrophy if it is not used. "Use it or lose it' is a fact. I think a vibrator or sex toy is a great idea. And once you start using it, you might find yourself more interested in "experimenting" with someone new. Worth a try anyway.

trinigirl50 Dx 3/7/2015, ILC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIIC, Grade 2, 20/24 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Surgery 3/7/2015 Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right Chemotherapy 4/14/2015 AC + T (Taxotere) Hormonal Therapy 9/14/2015 Arimidex (anastrozole), Femara (letrozole) Radiation Therapy 10/1/2015 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes

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