Log in to post a reply
Oct 3, 2019 10:08AM
Oct 3, 2019 10:21AM
DMH, try to find ways to use your husband's abilities. So he's not a caregiver. You could ask him to use his expertise to help you streamline some of your responsibilities. Ask him to help you prioritize what's important, what's less important. Ask if he can take on a few tasks you normally do. My dh had to do the finances for a year while I dealt with bc treatment. It's not his strong point, but I emotionally couldn't deal with it.
Don't expect you family to “know what to do". Learn to ask for help, even if it is “hey could you toss this load of laundry in the wash." One task at a time. “Can you pick up bread and milk on your way home?" Ask your husband, ask your kids. Small favors here and there. I thank dh for all the small things. “Thanks for cleaning up after dinner." “Thanks for carrying the groceries in." “Thanks for watering the houseplants." He sees that I notice what he does.
There are ways to frame it, too. Say, “I need you to pick up milk." Need is the operative word. Men like being needed.
Also, when you just need a small favor, say, “Could you do me a really big favor?" Then ask for something simple, like, “Can you feed the dog?" It's nothing strenuous or difficult, but it helps you and they feel like they're getting credit for doing something important.
Work smarter, not harder. Order take out. Hire a cleaning lady once a month. Stop volunteer activities for awhile. Learn to be okay with the disappointment of others.
Try to do at least one fun activity a week with your dh. Even if its just a ride out into the country, take a walk together or movie night. Husbands can overlook the tough stuff if you carve out a little fun from time to time.
If you're not on anti anxiety meds, consider asking your doctor for a prescription. They can help get you through a difficult situation. You don't need to tough it out on your own. No one gives you a gold star for that. Take care of you.
found lump 12/22/10~er+/pr+/her2- stage iv bone mets------------- Chemo~lumpectomy~radiation~arimidex------------- March2019/Ibrance-Aromasin---------- Sept2019/Verzenio-Aromasin