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Topic: Husband thinks it's just a bump in the road

Forum: Sex & Relationship Matters —

A safe place to talk candidly about how your romantic relationships and/or your sex life has changed following your diagnosis and treatment.

Posted on: Sep 3, 2019 04:58AM

DMHGF wrote:

So I'm having a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy in 2 days and all my husband wants to do is lecture me on everything I need to get done before I go. We own a family business in which I do 90% of the work. Also he has personal projects in play that he "needs" my help with before I'm "layed up for a couple of days".

He just keeps saying my bc is just a bump in the road and he's expecting little to change in our lives and responsibilities aside from me recovering for a few days after surgery.

I gave him material to read about the possible side effects and time suck of treatment but he says that is just a possibility not a certainty, and it probably won't be bad enough to keep me from taking care of my responsibilities.

I will say he may be right, but he also may be wrong. He just seems so cold, clinical and irritated about it all. He has had many opinions about research I should do into how to mitigate side affects and eat rights etc. That may seem like he's at least interested but instead it feels like his biggest fear is being inconvenienced.

I have always been the caretaker...of the home, the kids, the business....I'm really afraid he is not even considering stepping up in any of those areas.

Has anyone had situation like this that ended well? If so I'd like some advice on how you approached it!!

I have enough stress right now and this has sent my anxiety level almost over the top.

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Oct 8, 2019 07:28PM DMHGF wrote:


I start 4 cycles bi-weekly of A/C followed by 12 weeks weekly Taxol.

BTW my hubby has really stepped up just recently! He's got the whole family rallying to make physical changes to the house for my comfort, he's taken me to most of my pre treatment appts and will be with me tomorrow. I am shocked but grateful and I let him know it!!

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Oct 8, 2019 07:30PM edj3 wrote:

That's FANTASTIC! Way to go, Mr. DMHGF!

Dx 4/9/2019, DCIS/IDC, Left, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (IHC) Dx 5/6/2019, LCIS, Left, <1cm, 0/1 nodes Surgery 5/6/2019 Lumpectomy; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Radiation Therapy 6/3/2019 Whole-breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 9/23/2019 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Oct 8, 2019 07:36PM DMHGF wrote:


Impressive huh? I feel bad for not trusting him. It seemed to change after our Chemo 101 education. I'm so glad. I am pretty tough on my own but feel extra strength knowing he'll be there if I need him :-)

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Oct 9, 2019 08:18AM Annie60 wrote:

I am so glad to hear that he's helping. You are doing the same regiment I did, except I have Herceptin/Perjeta every three weeks along with the taxol, I am still doing the HP.

Look at Tiffany's Twenty Terrific Tips on BC.org for help on what to bring for chemo and what might make you more comfortable during it. There were several things that helped me - a silk pillow case - easy on the head during and after hair loss, a warm blanket - chemo rooms are usually cold and the fluids that you get make you colder, a soft hat for night time - again, I was always cold. As for head coverings, I used several hats and I used t-shirts. Google how to make a t-shirt headscarf for chemo patients. I got shirts for as little as $2 and you can get them in so many colors. Add a $1 bandanna, and it's really cute. The receptionist at radiation told me about using little girl tights to make coverings but I never did this. The t-shirts were easy, (no sewing), easy to put on and I felt less like a chemo patient when I used them. Some people just rock the bald look - but we are headed into winter and you will be cold!

Get a notebook to write questions and information in, if you haven't already. This is too much to keep up with in your head.

If you are given Neulasta to help with white blood counts, take Claritin several days before and after treatment. It really helps with the bone pain many people have. Sounds weird, and my MO could not say why it helps, but it does.

Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!!! If water taste awful, and it might, add lemon or some flavoring. I ended up drinking lemonade that we made at home. Yes, it was sugar, but it was the only thing I could tolerate. The kind with artificial sweetener tasted awful. Take the nausea meds - don't try and tough it out. Try to eat as much protein as you can. It helps you recover from treatments faster.

Rest when you need to. One of our group, who always tried to find humor, came up with a list of "You might be doing chemo if...." one of these was you need a nap after a shower. And you might!!

Don't read other people's experience. Everyone reacts differently to chemo. What made me really sick, you may breeze through. But do ask advice on this site. The people are wonderful here and will help in any way they can. If I can help, post here or PM me anytime. You are in my thoughts and prayers.


Dx 8/28/2018, DCIS/IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 2/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (DUAL) Dx 8/28/2018, IDC, Right, 1cm, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ Radiation Therapy 5/28/2019 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall Hormonal Therapy 8/21/2019 Chemotherapy AC + T (Taxol) Surgery Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Sentinel

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