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Topic: Asexuality

Forum: Sex & Relationship Matters —

A safe place to talk candidly about how your romantic relationships and/or your sex life has changed following your diagnosis and treatment.

Posted on: Sep 26, 2019 03:31AM

Polly_Ester wrote:

Is anyone else starting to identify as asexual after cancer treatment? I identify as gray asexual now. Rarely experiencing sexual attraction.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality


Dx 2/2015, Right, <1cm, Stage IIA, ER+, HER2- Chemotherapy 4/23/2015 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 2/5/2018 Surgery Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary Radiation Therapy Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Sep 26, 2019 07:55AM trinigirl50 wrote:

My vagina has practically atrophied, I have zero libido, and SEs from Letrozole have aged me by 20 years. I identify as sexually fucked up by cancer, but graysexual sounds better.

trinigirl50 Dx 3/7/2015, ILC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIIC, Grade 2, 20/24 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Surgery 3/7/2015 Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right Chemotherapy 4/14/2015 AC + T (Taxotere) Hormonal Therapy 9/14/2015 Arimidex (anastrozole), Femara (letrozole) Radiation Therapy 10/1/2015 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes
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Oct 31, 2019 03:15AM KarenJohnson wrote:

I am struggling with this too and it is breaking my heart. Thank you for this post.

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Nov 12, 2019 10:55AM Jennyb60 wrote:

Graysexual is exactly how I’m feeling and as a single woman, it’s making it extremely difficult to date! I just met a really nice guy but I feel no sexual attraction coupled with the fact that I haven’t dated since before my diagnosis so I feel...out of practice...and I’m just having a hard time getting into this new relationship. Am I never going to be sexually attracted to another guy? That’s a really depressing and scary thought.

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Nov 20, 2019 11:39AM Daylightdancer666 wrote:

I too be honest not had sex in over three years have no interest in sex or sexuslly attracted anyone put my libido being low due to anti depressants at one stage I was having one night dtsndd I'm only 32 now not at all xxx

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Nov 21, 2019 09:18AM CinM wrote:

I have been on Letrozole for three years.  In the last year, I have had NO sexual desire at all.  My wonderful husband of 37 years has been amazing through it all but I want to feel that romance again.  So sad. 

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Nov 21, 2019 09:49AM MCBaker wrote:

Been like that all of my life. Tried to be "normal" for many years, but it brought about too much pain. Not sad at all about it, especially now that it is no longer regarded as pathological. There are more things to enjoy in life than sex.

Mary Dx 10/3/2018, DCIS, Right, 6cm+, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER-/PR- Dx 11/16/2018, IDC, Right, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/5 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ (IHC) Surgery 11/16/2018 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Targeted Therapy 12/19/2018 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy 12/19/2018 Taxol (paclitaxel) Surgery 6/28/2019 Reconstruction (right): Fat grafting, Saline implant
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Nov 22, 2019 05:44AM karynhelen wrote:

yes! That’s me and it’s horrible. I was on Tamoxifen for 4 years and then after a hysterectomy I switched to Letrozole.

Just quit Letrozole after 2 years because of HSDD. Zero interest in sex. Almost an aversion now. It’s impacting my marriage.

I’m tied of reading articles telling me to masterbate, eat avocado toast, exercise, eat and sleep well.... and everything will be fine.

Grrrrrrrr is there ANYTHING out there that helps?




Dx 4/15/2013, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 1, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 5/7/2013 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel
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Nov 22, 2019 01:28PM Jackster51 wrote:

I'm with you ladies. I feel like a walking talking tree. Or about as sexual as a tree. So sad. Was 47 at DX and single since then. Sad to think this is it, but seeming like it is. I really miss having a sex life and sexual desire. Now....nada.

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Nov 25, 2019 09:47AM kar123 wrote:

Same here. I was ok during chemo, but about a year after that and starting the AI's my desire just plummeted. I feel sad for my husband and for me. I miss that intimacy.

Dx 6/2010, ILC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 2/7 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 6/27/2010 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 11/16/2010 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right Radiation Therapy 1/23/2011 Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 4/3/2011 Arimidex (anastrozole) Hormonal Therapy 4/30/2013 Femara (letrozole)
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Dec 3, 2019 11:29AM redhead403 wrote:

I am tired of people tells me that yoga, massage, meditation all make hot flashes better. Honestly not buying any of that crap.

Dx 9/9/2019, DCIS/IDC, Left, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (IHC) Surgery 11/7/2019 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic ovary removal; Reconstruction (left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (right): Silicone implant Radiation Therapy 1/6/2020 Whole-breast: Breast
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Jan 29, 2020 02:49AM breaktheice wrote:

I know that feeling. I feel like I`m going through a grieving period, losing this image that I had for my life of what my future would look like. That's all changed and that's sad. I hope the new version of my future will be good,but I don't know what it looks like yet. Or how to get there.

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Feb 4, 2020 09:38AM beach2beach wrote:

I felt ok the first 6 months or so after starting tamoxifen. Then the dreaded dryness and plummeting libido. I try and try. I use the Vit E ovules to provide moisture and do all I can to feel it. I initiate even when I don't really want it, hoping that it will jump start something in me. I want to feel like I used to, but I'm trying to make peace that that ship has sailed and I'm going to have to make do on land. Mentally being tired sucks and I need to be in it mentally to remotely even work. I worried that my partner would get tired of this crap with me, but he has been really good and tries hard with me. Sometimes I wonder if for me at least, part of the battle is me worrying so much about not feeling it that I make it worse.

Dx 7/28/2017, LCIS/DCIS/ILC, Right, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 8/8/2017 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Hormonal Therapy 9/12/2017 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Feb 4, 2020 10:46AM santabarbarian wrote:

I wonder if cannabis would be any help in this department? Might be worth a try....

pCR after neoadjuvant chemo w/ integrative practices Dx 7/13/2018, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- (FISH) Chemotherapy 8/13/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 12/27/2018 Lumpectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 2/11/2019 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes
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Feb 4, 2020 11:44AM Polly_Ester wrote:

It helps a lot of things for me, but this isn't one of them.


Dx 2/2015, Right, <1cm, Stage IIA, ER+, HER2- Chemotherapy 4/23/2015 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 2/5/2018 Surgery Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary Radiation Therapy Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 4, 2020 11:49AM Polly_Ester wrote:

Thank you to everyone for your input on the subject.

The way treatment has changed us, it's very hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it first-hand.


Dx 2/2015, Right, <1cm, Stage IIA, ER+, HER2- Chemotherapy 4/23/2015 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 2/5/2018 Surgery Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary Radiation Therapy Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 5, 2020 02:09AM Khakitag wrote:

I’m reading all these posts and can’t stop crying. It’s so sad to lose your sexuality, both for you and your SO. I’m not sure my marriage could withstand it and that scares the hell out of me. I am trying to decide whether or not to do the rads and tamoxifen. all you ladies had invasive ca and mine isn’t, just DCIS. It seems like it’s not worth the misery just to decrease my chance of a recurrence. Knowing what you know about the drug, would you do it all over again now?

Shari taglavore Surgery 1/4/2020 Lumpectomy: Left Dx 1/14/2020, DCIS, Left, <1cm, Stage 0, Grade 2, ER+/PR+
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Feb 5, 2020 02:53AM Polly_Ester wrote:

I

Yes, I would have still opted for the recommended treatment. I just wish I was a bit more prepared. Most doctors I've had are more concerned about loss of fertility rather than loss of sexual function. I was warned of the effects this treatment has on sex drive, but they didn't explain the severity of it.


Dx 2/2015, Right, <1cm, Stage IIA, ER+, HER2- Chemotherapy 4/23/2015 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 2/5/2018 Surgery Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary Radiation Therapy Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)

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