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Topic: Making Love to Her After Mastectomy

Forum: Sex & Relationship Matters —

A safe place to talk candidly about how your romantic relationships and/or your sex life has changed following your diagnosis and treatment.

Posted on: Jan 23, 2020 11:40PM

Andiloveherso wrote:

So...my love had a bilateral mastectomy, no reconstructive surgery last spring. I had the incredible, holy privilege of emptying her drains, checking on her surgery site until she felt ready to look, and walking alongside her on this journey.

She is the bravest most beautiful and humble woman I have ever known.

We have been together for five years now, the first same-gender relationship for both of us, and the last any-gender relationship for me anyway, as she is the "One" and it was worth the 40+ year wait to find love!

Ah but I go on and on...sorry!

Tomorrow night she believes she will be ready for us to resume love making. We have been cuddling, kissing, making love that way, a little at a time since the surgery but tomorrow she feels ready for more.

I am thrilled! I feel like a teenager! I want to do this right, though. She isn't one to tell me what she wants and likes in words, no way, super shy that way. So I know I will need to pay attention to the non-verbal cues, and I know everyone is different, but, dear brave women who have gone through this, can you give me some "dos" and "don'ts" in so far as your experience?

Love and prayers to all of you!

Thank you

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Jan 24, 2020 01:58AM blah333 wrote:

well, it's not that complicated. Where there once used to be breasts, is now blank. She is likely robbed of sexual sensation in that area and may have some numbness as well. Sex is pretty much the same but with that area "gone." However, it can still feel nice to be touched there, similar to having a backrub (though don't linger there a ton, as if you are giving a back rub to the chest - just saying, sensationwise, it feels about the same to me in terms of pleasure)

. If I were you I would not ignore the area entirely, but lightly graze it and rub it as you move your hands around her body. Being nonchalant about it is good. I did not get recon either, to me it is just a blank area and nothing to make a big deal about (ie no reason to get disgusted or uncomfortable by it either. I'm sure you will do fine with that). Also maybe don't throw your breasts around and demand they receive attention. Lots of women flash their tits everywhere nowadays and for many months I'd occasionally have moments where it felt unfair that "everyone else" gets to keep theirs. It still feels unfair ut I'm not as bothered by it. I just feel like I'm from another planet and am getting used to the fact I don't get to experience life like most people here do.

Age 35 at diagnosis Dx 9/2017, DCIS, Left, 6cm+, Stage 0, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+ Surgery 11/30/2017 Mastectomy: Left, Right
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Jan 24, 2020 09:22AM Andiloveherso wrote:

Thank you so very much for your willingness to be so open and honest. This is all so helpful. Thank you, thank you. Many prayers and good thoughts to you. :

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