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Topic: Single + Dating Post MX

Forum: Sex & Relationship Matters —

A safe place to talk candidly about how your romantic relationships and/or your sex life has changed following your diagnosis and treatment.

Posted on: Oct 7, 2020 01:23PM

LiveLoveLaugh2020 wrote:

Hey Ladies,

Just wondering how the single ladies handled dating after surgery? I'm just starting to get back out there again. It's been a crazy emotional year but things are much better now. I'm a year out from Bilateral MX and I am very happy with my results (the only thing I hate is the rippling) but I'm very comfortable with my body.

What are your thoughts on if and when the topic should be brought up? I'm such a private person and tend to keep everything to myself (this site is a godsend). I'd much rather not bring it up but at the same time if things get serious with someone I feel like it's inevitable. I feel like this may hold me back from opening up to someone. Kind of hard to discuss this with anyone else as they don't understand everything I/we've been through. They just see that surgery is over and things are "all better" now. I still get the "your boobs are so nice, I want to get new boobs too" comment. (Insert eye roll here)

Dating is hard to begin with, let alone post MX and during Covid! lol

DCIS Dx @ 34 - Bil NSM 09/2019 - Bil implant exchange with FG 01/2020.
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Oct 7, 2020 02:22PM MountainMia wrote:

LLL, I'm not in your situation (THANK GOODNESS!) I can't imagine how hard dating is these days for almost anyone. I feel for you. But hey, great boobs! ;-)

Everyone has a story to tell, right? Everyone has had something bad happen in their life. So this is yours (or one of them.) If you are dating someone casually, for companionship and someone to do things with, then bad things will come up naturally in conversation over time. That's the same as they do with any friendship that develops over time.

If you're dating someone primarily for sex, then it might not matter at all, except to the extent that your surgery has changed your responsiveness, for either physical or emotional/mental reasons. And if there is that, then being able to frankly say, "I had surgery last year for a scary diagnosis. So far, so good, but here is how it affects me now..." might be the right way to approach it. BEFORE you actually get in bed.

And if you're dating with intention of developing a long-term relationship, then it's like a combination of the two above, right? What would you say to a new friend about your health, or about the emotional impact of your diagnosis? When might that come up with a new (non-dating) friend? Maybe when there is something in the news that stirs you (political news is full of healthcare stories) or a conversation with someone else you've been mulling, or a doc appt you have on the calendar. It's probably not first date stuff, but probably worth at least mentioning in the first few, even if you don't go into it deeply.

I wish you very good luck and increasing confidence in your health and your worthiness. You deserve someone very special who will care for all parts of your story.

The rain comes and the rain goes, but the mountain remains. I am the mountain.
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Oct 7, 2020 06:47PM LiveLoveLaugh2020 wrote:

MountainMia thank you for your response. Made me laugh, sure isn't easy these days! I am looking for something long term as I am ready to settle down and hope to become a Mom one day. It's so hard to talk to friends and family about this because they don't understand (they just think you have a new pair of boobs and you're good to go or think it's nothing to share your story with others). And as I've said I'm such a private person so that doesn't make things any easier. They mean well of course but truly don't understand, so I'm thankful we all have the additional support on here. Again, I really appreciate your input and everything you've covered, you said it very well! So true that everyone deserves that special someone who accepts their whole story.




DCIS Dx @ 34 - Bil NSM 09/2019 - Bil implant exchange with FG 01/2020.
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Oct 7, 2020 07:38PM MountainMia wrote:

The thing is, for MOST of us, our friends or family mean well, but they don't know enough to guess what questions to ask, to allow you to talk through how you feel. I am NOT very private, in that, if someone asks a question about me, I would probably answer it. And then I might say, "As long as I'm still talking... " and then go on. But mostly they don't ask.

I was diagnosed at the end of Feb 2019, so basically a year and a half ago. I would have talked about it to almost ANYONE, if anyone ever asked. I would often say to people, if you have any questions at all, just ask. But mostly no one did. Other people are shy, too. They are concerned about saying the wrong thing, making us upset, or just being too ignorant to understand. And some of them also just are full up with their own lives and don't have space for us. That's okay. I don't always have space for them, either.

I'm almost 60, old enough to be yer ma. :) But sex is still important to me and fortunately, I have a dedicated partner with my husband. I guess I'm only saying this because I want you to know, there is no need to give up on your sex life. Or your love life. The RIGHT partner for you will value your experiences. That right partner (even if they are only right for today, or for a month, or if you're lucky, forever) will cherish you and your body.


The rain comes and the rain goes, but the mountain remains. I am the mountain.
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Oct 8, 2020 10:52PM LiveLoveLaugh2020 wrote:

Yeah, I totally agree, they mean well but don't always know what or how to say things. I'm glad that you have a wonderful partner! You deserve it and I hope to find the same. It's nice to get words of wisdom from others. 60 is nothing, you're still young and seem like an awesome person! Let's hope this dating thing goes well lol

DCIS Dx @ 34 - Bil NSM 09/2019 - Bil implant exchange with FG 01/2020.
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Oct 8, 2020 10:59PM MountainMia wrote:

I would really love to give you a hug. If you need words of encouragement, feel free to private message.

The rain comes and the rain goes, but the mountain remains. I am the mountain.

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