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Feb 6, 2020 05:43PM
I took at peek at Carr's book on Amazon - "look inside" feature I have no doubt this will work for many people. But even 12 years later - I have to personally disagree with his major premise. I did enjoy smoking. I still would be smoking if I hadn't developed osteoporisis. This was 4 years before my cancer diagnosis. I didn't want to break a hip & be warehoused in a nursing home. For lots of older people it's hard to regain full motion, go down hill and they never go home again. Cigarettes are a major contributor, as are carbonated drinks like coke. It came down to door A or door B.
So I quit. Kicking & screaming. It was at least the 4th time I'd quit - even once for 2 full years 30 years prior (and I blame my ex-DH for that relapse). I still like the smell of fresh cigarette smoke - but not old ashtrays. I still like the conversation of smokers. But I quit. And I quit cokes at the same time, although I'm back to three a day because it's the only thing I could drink during chemo & my MO said go for it. That's small potatoes since i was drinking 8+ every day.
I also quit gradually by using Chantix. I could never have quit cold turkey. I started cutting down by putting a set number in my package every morning. Then two weeks later stopped smoking in my house. Two weeks after that I stopped smoking in my car. Well - now I was down to the front porch. I assigned specific hours that I could have a smoke by the time I started Chantix. I used only he one prescription pkg. I started walking 5 miles a day. I went to a gym & took exercise classes. I ate a TON of sunflower seeds - hand to mouth, crack the shell, hand to mouth, remove shell, chew the seed. Good for the repetitious hand to mouth motion that I was missing. I had to quit coffee in the morning or after dinner for awhile. I had to quit drinking a glass of wine or a gin & tonic for awhile. But the necessity to waive those temptations & other triggers didn't last longer than 6 months.
For at least 2 years I kept a 1/2 pack in my freezer in case of emergency. I never smoked one, but it made me feel good that they were available. Full disclosure - I did have half of one smoke in the first month sitting in my car - stuck in traffic for an hour. Otherwise I might have rammed the cars in front of me. It meant I missed one of the few I was allowed daily. And I did have one puff at a friend's house after 6 months when she asked me to hold her cigarette while she answered her inside phone. But that only reinforced the knowledge that I CANNOT have just ONE. NOT EVER.
Once I realized I would probably make it, I took everything out of all my closets & drawers and either washed or sent to the cleaners. I had my carpet & drapes & upholstered furniture professionally cleaned. No way was I going to waste the money that cost.
Do I miss it? Not too much anymore. But there are still certain things that trip a wave of longing. And I can't figure out where the notion came from - except old habit of pleasure. Luckily it only lasts a few seconds.
As I've said on this thread before, I will always be a smoker. Just one who is not presently smoking. I have some confidence that i won't pick up a cigarette tomorrow after 12 years, but I won't write off the notion that I might smoke again if I were diagnosed with a fatal illness. (oh ho ho ho - I've made it thorough initial BC diagnosis & treatment and a recurrence - but at this time I'm grateful to be NED).
It's been awhile since I posted this history. As always, I am a smoker but ... just for today I will not smoke. (12+ years down the road).
2/15/11 BMX-DCIS 2SNB clear-TEs; 9/15/11-410gummies; 3/20/13 recurrance-5.5cm,mets to lymphs, Stage IIIB IDC ER/PRneg,HER2+; TCH/Perjeta/Neulasta x6; ALND 9/24/13 1/18 nodes 4.5cm; AC chemo 10/30/13 x3; herceptin again; Rads Feb2014