Jul 30, 2015 02:31AM - edited Jul 30, 2015 02:46AM by Suladog
Hating the "journey" word too, I've been on this trip twice now and it certainly isn't a journey I planned either time.
So how has it changed me? The first time in my 30's ( 25 yrs ago) TN bc left me sterile , my husband and I were trying to get pregnant when I was diagnosed. Thus was way before the days of egg freezing etc so in my case that was all she wrote child wise.
I was given a poor prognosis back then so that wasn't exactly a stellar recommendation for anyone trying to adopt. Who's going to give a kid to someone who might not be alive in a couple of years? As a result we are childless so that was one big permanent change.
I had a mastectomy with no recon as I figured why bother? See above paragraph. I am small anyway so actually it was never a priority for me and I was done with surgery. Also back in 1990 there were none of the techniques they have now. I didn't have enough meat on me for them to take stuff from somewhere else and stick it on my chest. And implants back then were still silicone, so no thanks.
I also had to keep my "journey" secret during treatment as my husband and I work together as screenwriters and back then Hollywood was not as "cool" about people having cancer as they are now. We were afraid we'd lose our job because of my illness, so I finished treatment angry and crazy with ptsd.
Gradually Iwith support from my husband , my mo and a wonderful cancer survivor shrink he sent me to I got past that, and got on with life.
Ok, second time last year I felt my body had betrayed me again right in the middle of my career, marriage and all the things we are doing. At least this time I'm not getting the "poor prognosis" stuff but I'm too cynical and superstitious to rely on that. I'm just hoping for the best while I realize that shit happens and no one is immune or safe. Some people have it easier than Indid, some have it harder. I sure as hell not special or alone. I had another MX and again no recon and that is one thing I'm very happy with, the flat look suits me just fine. This time around chemo came with a cold cap, my husband was my capper and he did a super job, of course now he thinks he owns my hair
I've bounced back this time as at least I've had practice dealing with this stuff, and also there are sites like this where we can connect with each other. Back in 90 you were on your own. So glad that's changed. But seriously, the idea of this being some sort of pink paved "journey" just chaps my ass. There's got to be a better term but it's hard to come up with something that fits. But in my opinion "journey" doesn't