Feb 17, 2014 11:54PM Moiralf wrote:
Yes, because even if he didn't cheat on you physically he cheating emotionally and mentally. That is still an affair.
I don't want to give him any outs here but men have great difficulty dealing with the ones they love getting sick.
They sometimes have few ways of dealing with their own pain and grief while feeling hopeless to relieve yours.
That's as much credit as I am prepared to give him. He failed to man up and be there for you when you needed him most. In no way is this your fault for being sick and going through the rigours of treatment. It wasn't up to you to be there for his needs. Sorry but for me right then it was all about you and he failed in his role. You were doing all you got to get better and that is enough, you actually needed him to be super on your side and not focus on his sorry feelings.
If he truly is a good man and you love him in spite of this major strumble he has taken, then I would suggest marriage counseling for both of you as a couple and individually. Also cancer/grief counselling for each of you. If he is truly struggling with coping with all this and watching you go through this without him "being able to fix it" as many men see their role, then he needs to find a way to deal with it in a health way. It isn't easy for our loved ones to walk alongside us but not be in a position to make it all better. For both of you to have somewhere to vent without the other having to witness it and take it on board as somehow their burden too is very freeing. Especially with someone trained in understanding cancer and it ongoing effects.
BUT, he has to truly buy into all this and commit to putting this behind you both and working damn hard at earning your trust again. To me it wouldn't be the lost of love but the loss of trust and loyalty. And he gets one chance, one poor lapse in judgement but it one strike and he's out.
You need to be clear on what is important to you, what you want for the future and do you see him being in it and how do you see that working out. A number of women on these boards have found themselves in exactly the position you are. They have heaps of advice, but in the long run the choice is up to you. But one thing cancer has taught me and many others too. I don't have time to waste on people who are not healthy to be in my life. I don't have time or energy to fix them either. Stand up and be with me or get out and let me find my own way.
In the Maori language of New Zealand they say: Kia Kaha-- Stay strong.