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Topic: 12 Year Old Suicidal While I am in Treatment

Forum: Family Matters —

A comforting place to discuss parenting children, or issues with partners, siblings, or parents following a diagnosis.

Posted on: Dec 17, 2016 07:23PM

Jojobird wrote:

Bleak times.

Dx in March, 2 weeks of rads to go. Mastectomy with axillary dissection, AC/T, now rads. My daughter threatened suicide st school last week. After dealing with police, the hospital, and school, she is now on a treatment facility during the days, getting the help she needs.

I am falling into depression. My hub works 12 hour days and to top it off, I have to go back to work in January. We have fabulous neighbors and an HMO with therapy support, but I am so very tired. I cry a lot.

Finally, I've been getting headaches and my onc wants a brain MRI scan. The machine terrifies me. Can anyone relate? Too much, too fast. Trying to hang on.

Dx 3/2016, IDC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IIIC, Grade 3, 21/21 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Dec 17, 2016 07:46PM ElaineTherese wrote:

Ugh. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. While I was getting treatment, one of my sons (on the autism spectrum) became very violent. I still remember his vicious attack on me while I was recuperating from my lumpectomy. He must have bitten me over twenty times on my left arm while I was trying to protect my recovery area. We tried to have him hospitalized the next day, but we were turned away. We almost put him in an institution, but there wasn't any room and it eventually closed down (state budget cuts). To this day, I worry about getting attacked -- most of all when driving him to school. It's the longest eight minutes of my day.

It is very stressful to have to cope with breast cancer and other issues. I am on an antidepressant (Celexa), and have an emergency stash of Ativan. ((Hugs)) I just try to get through each day, one at a time.

P.S. No experience with a brain MRI! Hope someone else will chime in on that.

DX IDC June 28, 2014, 5 cm., 1 node tested positive (fine needle biopsy); 0/20 after neoadjuvant chemo + ALND; Grade 3; ER+ PR+ HER2+ Neoadjuvant chemotherapy starting 7/23/14 ACX 4, Taxol X 12, Perjeta X 4; Herceptin: one year Chemotherapy 7/23/2014 AC Targeted Therapy 9/17/2014 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Targeted Therapy 9/17/2014 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy 9/17/2014 Taxol (paclitaxel) Surgery 1/12/2015 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Underarm/Axillary Hormonal Therapy 2/25/2015 Aromasin (exemestane), Zoladex (goserelin) Radiation Therapy 3/9/2015 Breast, Lymph nodes
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Dec 17, 2016 08:05PM xxyzed wrote:

I can definitely relate. My 12 year old boy has told his school multiple times he wants to kill himself. He is now being seen by our local mental health unit and continues to be medicated. He has ADHD and anxiety and has been receiving treatment since very young. My husband died from cancer last year after two years of treatment so my boys have seen it all before and just expect that I will die too.

Are you getting treatment for your depression? If just counselling you may find medication helpful. I found when I suffered PND I felt awful and had terrible headaches from lack of sleep and being in a permanent state of anxiety. It felt like my whole body would explode the pressure buildup inside was so intense.

Do you get out with friends much with your husband working so much? I really need to see friends to keep myself feeling well. The stress of returning to work can't be helping when you feel you are already struggling to manage.

I haven't had a brain MRI so can't help with that. I know with stage 3c and lots of positive nodes your mind automatically goes to cancer spread but I have definitely felt like you do way before cancer was even on the radar. Personally I would just take Ativan to get me through the scan if it was distressing me.
Dx 5/17/2016, DCIS/IDC, Left, 1cm, Grade 3, HER2+ (IHC) Surgery 5/31/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left, Right Dx 6/9/2016, DCIS/IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IIIC, Grade 2, 20/20 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ (DUAL) Chemotherapy 7/7/2016 AC + T (Taxol) Radiation Therapy 11/20/2016 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall Targeted Therapy Herceptin (trastuzumab)
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Dec 17, 2016 08:39PM - edited Dec 18, 2016 11:46AM by Jojobird

Elaine, I am so sorry to hear of your son biting you. I just started Celexa (again, used it after daughter was born for ppd). Thank you for the support.


Xxy, I am sorry to hear your son is suffering. I can't imagine losing my husband and my heart goes out to you.My girl has ADHD as well and is anxious and grieving. So very difficult to care for ourselves and then care for others.

Going out with friends is an excellent idea. I need to motivate up to do that. One day at a time.


So very grateful for this community.



Dx 3/2016, IDC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IIIC, Grade 3, 21/21 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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May 13, 2017 09:19AM Oomawerd wrote:

contemplating chemo, but do not how to do it with a 16 year old with schizo affective disorder, borderline personality disorder.

She was just released from her 8th 14 day stay at a mental health facility.

I can't leave her at home alone on treatments days. Don't know if it would be harmful for her to take her with me or even if they would let me.

Don't know if i could still manage her myriad of meds while in chemo.

My husband works a stressful job and is really not supposed to take off work during this time of year.

Do the chemo places have after 5 appts? Or are they strictly a 9 to 5 business?


Dx 2/2017, IDC, Left, <1cm, Stage IA, 0/15 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ (FISH) Surgery Lymph node removal: Left, Right, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left, Right
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May 13, 2017 09:20AM Oomawerd wrote:

oh my, i feel for you. I have same concerns for my grand daughter.

Dx 2/2017, IDC, Left, <1cm, Stage IA, 0/15 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ (FISH) Surgery Lymph node removal: Left, Right, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left, Right
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May 13, 2017 09:23AM Oomawerd wrote:

contemplating chemo, but do not how to do it with a 16 year old with schizo affective disorder, borderline personality disorder.

She was just released from her 8th 14 day stay at a mental health facility.

I can't leave her at home alone on treatments days. Don't know if it would be harmful for her to take her with me or even if they would let me.

Don't know if i could still manage her myriad of meds while in chemo.

My husband works a stressful job and is really not supposed to take off work during this time of year.

Do the chemo places have after 5 appts? Or are they strictly a 9 to 5 business?

Dx 2/2017, IDC, Left, <1cm, Stage IA, 0/15 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ (FISH) Surgery Lymph node removal: Left, Right, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left, Right
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May 13, 2017 01:07PM ElaineTherese wrote:

Oomawerd,

My chemo place is open until 6:00 pm, but chemo (depending on your regimen) often lasts 2 -- 3 hours. Is your daughter in school? My sons (including the violent one) attend school from 8:00 am -- 3:10 pm. Remember that your daughter has a right to a free, appropriate education in the public schools. I would do my treatment, scans, and doctor's appointments while my kids were at school.

Yes, young people are typically allowed in a chemo infusion room if they are 16 and over. Does your daughter like the Internet? My sons are easily amused by YouTube videos and the like. We have invested in some cheap pads, and we take them with us everywhere. It would help if your daughter tolerated earbuds so that she didn't bother anyone else. Most chemo infusion rooms have Wi Fi and some have TV. They also often have snacks and drinks. It's pretty informal.

My violent son is also on three different meds. He takes three pills in the morning and three pills at night. Getting extended release pills for two of his meds was helpful because it reduced how often we had to give them.

I am also HER2+ and had five months of chemo. It's a marathon not a sprint! ((Hugs))

DX IDC June 28, 2014, 5 cm., 1 node tested positive (fine needle biopsy); 0/20 after neoadjuvant chemo + ALND; Grade 3; ER+ PR+ HER2+ Neoadjuvant chemotherapy starting 7/23/14 ACX 4, Taxol X 12, Perjeta X 4; Herceptin: one year Chemotherapy 7/23/2014 AC Targeted Therapy 9/17/2014 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Targeted Therapy 9/17/2014 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy 9/17/2014 Taxol (paclitaxel) Surgery 1/12/2015 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Underarm/Axillary Hormonal Therapy 2/25/2015 Aromasin (exemestane), Zoladex (goserelin) Radiation Therapy 3/9/2015 Breast, Lymph nodes
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May 15, 2017 12:54PM Oomawerd wrote:

School here ends for the summer here on may 26th. She has a smart phone and ear buds. Lol

Dx 2/2017, IDC, Left, <1cm, Stage IA, 0/15 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ (FISH) Surgery Lymph node removal: Left, Right, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left, Right
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May 15, 2017 06:12PM MTwoman wrote:

Oomawerd,

Does your daughter have a therapist, psychiatrist and/or youth case manager? If so, I would call one of them (the case manager would be my choice if she has one) and discuss some options. It may be that bringing your daughter to your treatments would work. It is also possible that you will not be able to fully concentrate on your self if she is there. This is the time when her team needs to help determine if there are extra services that could be helpful to her, but also timed to be supportive of you.

My heart goes out to you. I have been in bc treatment AND I've been a therapist for many years and have worked with at risk youth and seriously emotionally disturbed kids. This work (work for me, but your life for you) can be very draining, as can treatment. I honestly can't imagine prioritizing my child (as she deserves) at the same time as prioritizing myself (also deserved). You need support. Is there a local cancer support community to help you? I think this is the time to call in the 'big guns'. Help for both you and for her. You need time for yourself. A therapist and some antidepressant medication could also, perhaps, be helpful. If her team can step up, then that could give you a bit of breathing space. Sending you white light and ((hugs))

Dx 12/10/2002, DCIS, Right, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Surgery 12/19/2002 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Surgery 12/23/2003 Reconstruction (right): Nipple reconstruction Surgery Reconstruction (right): Saline implant Surgery Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Surgery Mastectomy: Right
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May 25, 2017 05:28PM Nola70115 wrote:

Oomawerd - I'm so sorry you are having to carry such a heavy load. Have you tried contacting your county mental health services to see if you might be able to get respite care to help with your daughter? I googled services for McClennan County (it's under your name) and found this site: http://www.hotrmhmr.org/.

I would call and explain the situation to the intake person and see if there are any resources for emergency situations. Sometimes these programs can support respite care or a personal care attendant for someone, particularly a minor, experiencing a mental health emergency. You probably *could* take her with you to chemo, but it wouldn't be ideal for you, and if she had any trouble waiting you'd be hooked up to the IV and unable to do anything. If the county doesn't have any useful resources, maybe there's a American Cancer Society or Susan Komen chapter nearby that might be able to help.

Age 40 at diagnosis. Oncotype score 25. Visit my blog at snarkforthecure.wordpress.com. Dx 4/15/2014, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 5/14/2014 Lymph node removal: Left; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Chemotherapy 6/19/2014 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)

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