Topic: I feel guilty complaining

Forum: Family and Family Planning Matters — A comforting place to discuss planning a family, fertility concerns, parenting children, or relationship issues with partners, siblings, or parents following a diagnosis.

Posted on: Mar 20, 2019 12:04PM - edited Mar 20, 2019 12:09PM by Via

Posted on: Mar 20, 2019 12:04PM - edited Mar 20, 2019 12:09PM by Via

Via wrote:

Do to the fact that my cancer came back not aggressive and we found it so early. I don't need any chemo or radiation. I only need hormone therapy and I don't feel I can open up to anyone on what am going trough. Its hard to complain about the surgery and the recovery that has been so painful to other. It seems my journey is a walk in the park because I won’t be having chemo or radiation. But, personally it has not been easy. My husband wants me to go to a group to talk to people other with cancer because I've been crying and I have felt no one understands what I'm going through.

But, how can I go to a group and complain or open up when I'm sure some others have to go through horrible treatment and I have none and here I am complaining. It does not seem right. But, I feel that this journey is hard even if I don't need treatment and the reconstruction of the breast is so painful and a life changing experience. I do feel alone in this journey. Not sure if someone else is in this lonely boat with me. That feel guilty of getting such good news I don’t need treatment. Anyone?


Via


Hormonal Therapy 3/15/2019 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Mar 20, 2019 12:35PM edwards750 wrote:

No reason at all to feel guilty that you dodged treatment. You still have this insidious disease and that’s enough to make anyone anxious and depressed. You are fortunate to not have to have treatments. That’s good news.

I agree with your husband join a group. I did and it’s made a world of difference being able to share. You are all there for the same reason in various stages and treatments and kinds of breast cancer so you have a bond no matter what you are dealing with in the process. There are several ladies in my group who have horrific issues to deal with their BC like lymphadema and one even is Stage IV now. We are all sympathetic and understanding of each other. No one thinks of you as being a whiner over nothing because it is something whether you are suffering as much as they are or not.

I am blessed too that I will be 8 years out in August God willing.

There is no group that can offer what these ladies can and have because no one understands better than they do.

Good luck. I promise you feel better if you can latch on to a group and compare notes.

Diane

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Mar 20, 2019 12:39PM santabarbarian wrote:

Via, ironically I bet you would receive the MOST support from other cancer patients! We know how terrifying-- and bizarre!-- it is to be diagnosed with BC, and none of us would wish a harder course of treatment on *anyone*. The emotions are the same regardless of the severity of the treatment. I think your H is right. It is good that you realize you are lucky to have a less horrific course of treatment, but this does not nullify the pain of being on any long term treatment, nor the fear of recurrence of a disease that is scary. Personally I would absolutely hate to be on a hormone treatment (and I had chemo, surgery, and rads!). So I empathize with you! So don't be afraid to join a group!

xox SB

pCR after neoadjuvant chemo w/ integrative practices; Proton rads. Dx 7/13/2018, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 8/13/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 12/27/2018 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left) Radiation Therapy 2/11/2019 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes
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Mar 20, 2019 03:17PM mrsEO wrote:

Via, you are not alone! Guilt is something I have struggled with as well since my diagnosis - I went through surgery and radiation but no chemo due to the early stage diagnosis and low oncotype score...I felt like I had no room to be upset about my diagnosis and prognosis because so many women had it much worse then I did. I'll be honest, I still struggle with it. But after talking through it with some of my care team, I realized that ANY diagnosis and treatment of BC is serious and scary and upsetting and painful, even if your prognosis is very favorable. It is so important to let yourself feel the emotions you are feeling and to share them with someone...it really does help! I've found so much encouragement and support just from this community. Keep us posted on how you are doing!


Dx 12/6/2018, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 1/7/2019 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Radiation Therapy 2/20/2019 Whole breast: Breast
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Mar 20, 2019 03:58PM Runrcrb wrote:

it’s all scary and emotionally charged. If you don’t find what you need in a support group, seek individual counseling. You need a supportive sounding board


Dx 6/27/2016, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 4/10 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 6/27/2016, ILC/IDC, Right, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 4/10 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 9/22/2016 Lymph node removal: Right; Mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 10/31/2016 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Radiation Therapy 2/9/2017 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall Hormonal Therapy 4/23/2017 Aromasin (exemestane) Surgery 12/13/2017 Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap
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Mar 20, 2019 04:42PM CaliKelly wrote:

seriously!,be happy, I'm happy for you! I had plenty of nasty treatments, and I'm so, so happy when I hear from people who didn't have to have all the menu! My non cancer friends always apologize when they complain about some pain, or minor health issues. If someone is going through trauma of their own, they shouldn't feel guilty cause it's not as bad as someone else's. And you have every right to complain and feel sad, you have cancer! It sucks, no matter what treatments you have or dont have. Your pain doesn't lessen my pain and my pain doesn't lessen yours! I say, Bitch Away!! Cancer Sucks! Be sad for awhile, then be happy. I'm happy you dont have to have chemo or radiation, I wish nobody had to!

Dx 6/17/2015, IDC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIIC, Grade 2, 8/20 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-, Chemotherapy 8/11/2015 TAC Surgery 1/20/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Hormonal Therapy 1/30/2016 Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery 6/29/2016 Reconstruction (left): Silicone implant Chemotherapy 11/3/2016 Xeloda (capecitabine) Surgery 10/7/2017 Reconstruction (left): Latissimus dorsi flap Surgery 1/30/2019 Reconstruction (left): Fat grafting Radiation Therapy Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall
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Mar 20, 2019 05:46PM gb2115 wrote:

I agree, you have every right to complain, even if you didn't have chemo or radiation, you still had cancer. And cancer sucks. Hormone therapy is not easy. I didn't have chemo, but I had radiation which sucked. And hormone therapy sucks too, and I think it's more depressing than radiation because there's really not much of an end in sight. At least radiation ended, you know?!


Dx IDC in Oct 2016, stage 2A, 1.2 cm ER/PR+ Her2-, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes. Mammaprint low risk luminal A, Lumpectomy + rads + tam. Age 38. 5/21 Dx IDC. 1.3 cm ER/PR+, Her2 -. Gr 2. Age 42
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Mar 20, 2019 05:57PM kber wrote:

Oh Via honey - sending virtual hugs to you!!

This is such an emotional roller coaster and you have the right to your feelings!  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!  Cancer always sucks, no matter what.  Be kind to yourself and if it helps, talk to someone.  I agree with the posters above that the support groups would welcome you with open arms.  You'll find some who went through the whole menu, and some who had treatment like yours.  If that's too big of a step or not your thing, maybe one on one is the better way to go.

But please don't ever beat yourself up for surviving!  You faced down a monster and came out the other side.  It's inspirational and encouraging!

Dx 11/2018, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IIB, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 12/7/2018 Adriamycin (doxorubicin), Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxol (paclitaxel) Surgery 5/28/2019 Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right Radiation Therapy 7/17/2019 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall
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Mar 20, 2019 11:40PM alicebastable wrote:

Via, I know exactly how you feel. I've never needed chemo yet (although one cancer was borderline), so in the real world, I don't talk about it at all after treatment was done, except EVERY once in a while to my husband. I even feel like I need to apologize for mentioning it in the first place to friends and family on FB while I was undergoing surgeries and radiation, like, "Whoops, sorry to scare you, it wasn't REAL cancer."

Ignore treatment info (below) which is a BCO glitch. Do not enter personal information on this site since they grossly mishandled a data breach. Surgery 7/10/2018 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Surgery 8/7/2018 Radiation Therapy 10/28/2018 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes
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Mar 21, 2019 12:09AM beach2beach wrote:

I felt the same. I dodged chemo and rads. Had a double mastectomy and walked out of hospital next day on my own and was raising my arms in a few days over my head. Yeah, I felt I had no right to even say I had cancer, because I didn't look like it unless I'd pull up my shirt. I remember saying that to my gyno and he said, it's not less significant that I had cancer and no other treatment than someone that had to. He said you didn't chose the type of cancer you got. Cancer is cancer.

Of course I still feel that way a bit, but cancer sucks for us all. Some more physically than others and i give them all the kudos in the world. My sister is one. She was diagnosed years ago with IBC which is a Stage 3 out the gate had chemo before, surgery, rads. She was the first person I called when If ound out I had BC. When I found out after surgery and Oncotype that I didnt need chemo...and no rads because my nodes were clean..I felt almost like how could I complain to her when she went through so much worse. She was there for me, and told me the same like my Dr. said. Cancer is cancer. Do what feels right for you, go to a group, go private to a therapist, whatever you need to do.

Maybe we need to start a group for those of us lol.

Dx 7/28/2017, LCIS/DCIS/ILC, Right, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 8/8/2017 Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left); Mastectomy (Right); Reconstruction (Left); Reconstruction (Right) Hormonal Therapy 9/11/2017 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Mar 21, 2019 08:04AM Via wrote:

am like you my sister also had it. But, her was aggressive and well she lost the battle. But, I know she would be happy I didn’t have to fallow her foot step when it came to the treatment.


We should start a group on Facebook for sure!!! Call Cancer but not so bad Cancer!

Hormonal Therapy 3/15/2019 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)

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