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Topic: Feeling unappreciated

Forum: Family and Family Planning Matters —

A comforting place to discuss planning a family, fertility concerns, parenting children, or relationship issues with partners, siblings, or parents following a diagnosis.

Posted on: Jul 7, 2019 04:02PM

Kkmay wrote:

Hi ladies

I hope you are all doing well.

I’m the main caregiver for my mom during her cancer journey since her diagnosis last January. I’m the only one taking her to all her appointments, hospital visits, chemo infusions..etc. I have moved in with her to take care of her during her journey. I have been cooking her meals, cleaning the house, and doing all the household chores. I also have made serious adjustments to my work schedule to fit my mom’s appointments. Thankfully my boss is very understanding. I also made serious changes to her diet to support her treatment plan. Sadly, all I hear from her lately is “no one asked to do all this” or “ I didn’t ask for your help”. Even if I go and buy groceries, she’ll tell me something like “you wasted your money I didn’t ask for that”. I have heard this so many times. This just hurts me on so many levels and I don’t know if I should do this anymore. I’m so tired mentally and feeling emotionally drained. Sometimes I feel that my mom doesn’t realize that she has a serious illness.

I want my mom to get better, but I cannot take the emotional abuse anymore. What should I do? If I take time for myself, I feel guilty for leaving her alone. If I stayed with her, I feel hurt and unappreciated. What can I do to handle the situation better? Why should I care if she doesn’t care

Dx 1/22/2019, IDC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIIB, Grade 2, ER-/PR-, HER2- (FISH) Chemotherapy 2/16/2019 AC + T (Taxol)
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Jul 7, 2019 04:20PM pupmom wrote:

There are home health companies that can do all you're doing. If she abuses them, at least they are getting paid. I would quit your volunteer job, but wish your mom the best. She probably has a lot of fear and anxiety, which she is unfortunately taking out on you. Sad

Life is what happens while we're making other plans. Dx 10/18/2011, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 1, 2/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jul 7, 2019 04:21PM marijen wrote:

I would stop doing for her until she gets it. It might only take a week.


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Jul 7, 2019 04:27PM Salamandra wrote:

Hi Kkmay,

You have to take care of yourself first. That's the only way that you'll be able to take care of anybody else, both long term and if a short term emergency comes up.

Dealing with a parent's illness is super hard. Can you get a therapist for yourself?

The first thing I'd say is that if this behavior from your mom is consistent with her character, then don't expect it to change. People don't get nicer when dealing with scary illness. It's on you to figure out what you are able to do for her while keeping your good spirits - taking into account the fact that she will not express appreciation.

Her cancer center might have a social worker. I would get her the contact info. Then have a conversation with her where you explain that you are taking a step back, out of respect both to her (she didn't ask you for this) and to yourself. Explain that she can contact the social worker to help coordinate other support. Be clear about what you are willing to help with (e.g., she can contact you in an emergency that requires a trip to the hospital, or she can contact you to help with groceries, or you can contribute $x to whatever service she selects). Be clear that you love her and explain how you will keep in touch (calling every other day and texting every day, or whatever).

Then actually step back.

That said, if her current behavior isn't consistent with her character from before she got sick, I would be wondering if she is dealing with her own depression and anxiety (that would be pretty typical for a breast cancer patient), and you are getting caught in the crossfire. If so, again, the social worker could be a good resource for starting to connect her to mental health support. You should still step back to the extent you need to, to take care of yourself. But do what you can to get her on antidepressants/therapy, and respond to what she is really saying. E.g., saying, "I didn't ask for that might mean, "I'm not worth this", or "I don't see the point of all this effort for my health because I'm sure I'm going to die anyway," or "I want to be independent again," or, "I have no worth if someone else is taking care of me."

Responses can range from, "I love you and I want to do this even if you didn't ask." "You took care of me plenty, now it's my turn for a bit." "When you're better, you owe me laundry." And looking for ways she can feel useful to you know, or express independence or use. Ask her for help with something she can do for you - even if it's just advice you know you'll never use. Could be organizing photos, researching something online, etc.

Hang in there and take care of yourself.

Dx at 39. 1.8cm. Oncotype 9. Dx 9/19/2018, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH) Surgery 10/18/2018 Lumpectomy; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Radiation Therapy 12/3/2018 Whole-breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Jul 7, 2019 04:30PM - edited Jul 7, 2019 04:32PM by Spoonie77

It's a tough dance. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, on top of dealing with all that your mom is going through and the fear that entails.

If it were me, I would say "Ok mom. I hear you. You're right, you didn't ask for this or that from me. I'm here and doing these things because I want to help. If you change your mind and would like me to (drive you to an appt, pick up x y z at the store, or just want some company) I'm just a phone call away."

Sometimes (I've had a lot of experience being on your moms end of things with chronic illness all my life) having someone help or being there makes US feel guilty too. So it can be hard on us having you around, wanting to help. That could be the case. I obviously don't know. I'm just saying that coming from someone that struggles with accepting help, this is the way I would prefer help to come...if I ask for it.

Granted, that all being said, phone calls/texts and cards to touch base are always welcome.

I sure hope you can figure out a way to stay sane and not feel hurt and disappointed. It's especially hard when it comes from our parents. Maybe after a few weeks of you taking care of you, you'll feel better and she'll feel more herself.

Good luck.

PS -- I also love Salamandra's post. It's right on with what I'm trying to say, but I think she does it much better. :)

"Spoonie" who entered BC World @ 41. DXd w/MS & Thyroid Cancer @42. Treatment: LX/SLNB/RADs. Plan A: 5mg Tamox = 0 QOL. Plan B: OS/AI = Rare allergy to OS meds. Plan C: Only option left,  Diet & Exercise. PS: Not a dr, just a Googler. Dx 7/20/2018, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH) Dx 8/30/2018, DCIS, Left, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 2 Surgery 8/30/2018 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel Radiation Therapy 10/1/2018 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall Hormonal Therapy 3/30/2019 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Hormonal Therapy 7/2/2019 Zoladex (goserelin)
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Jul 7, 2019 05:24PM illimae wrote:

I see both sides. Maybe she is ungrateful or maybe she didn’t ask for all your support and is feeling a loss of control and independence on top of fear and uncertainty. Perhaps, you don’t need to do everything, especially if she is capable. I would limit your efforts to a couple things, like medical appointments or a couple days per week helping around the house. She’ll do what needs to be done and you’ll get some of your life back.

Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ (IHC) Chemotherapy 1/2/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, Stage IV, metastasized to brain Radiation Therapy 10/20/2017 External: Brain Radiation Therapy 4/18/2018 External: Brain Radiation Therapy 5/23/2019 External: Brain Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Jul 7, 2019 06:56PM wrenn wrote:

I wonder if her saying "I didn't ask for your help" was a response to feeling like you were needing praise or to be acknowledged/appreciated for helping? Sometimes it is easier to do for oneself than to have to show gratitude for someone taking over your care. I know when I am sick I don't have the energy to take care of other's emotions.

How old is she? Beyond driving to appointments I can't see why she would require extra care for cancer treatment unless she is really sick or required care before diagnosis. And especially moving in with her. Did she ask for this?

It actually might be good for both of you if you waited for her to ask for help (since it seems like she didn't) and then decide whether you want to do what she is asking for without feeling like you need to feel appreciated but by actually just wanting to do it.

Your "help" might be making her feel worse or feel "helpless" and it doesn't sound like she is very happy with it.

Hoping for a solution for you both.


Metaplastic IDC Triple negative...Tumour is 1.5cm. BMX Aug. 16th. Chemo cancelled after one dose due to complications. Dx 7/25/2013, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/6 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Surgery 8/16/2013 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left, Right
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Jul 7, 2019 08:19PM AliceBastable wrote:

I second what Wrenn said. But not as nicely. 😏 You may have decided to be your mother's caregiver, but did you give her a voice in that decision? Did you ask her if she wanted you to move in and take over so many of her daily tasks and decisions? To give up your life to help her? Maybe she is rebelling against all your control, and frankly, I can't blame her. To me, it sound like you've backed her into a corner and that's why she's lashing out at you. Maybe you need to sit down with her and ask her what she, THE ACTUAL PATIENT, wants, and make notes so you can both stick to what will work. Good luck, and I hope the relationship is repairable.

Endometrial cancer 2010, basal cell multiples, breast cancer 2018, kidney cancer 2018. Cancer's a bitch, but I'm a bigger one with more practice. Dx 5/2018, ILC/IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 1/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 7/10/2018 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Surgery 8/7/2018 Radiation Therapy 10/29/2018 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes
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Jul 7, 2019 09:31PM MelissaDallas wrote:

kkmay, she is 66, not 96. Why do you feel she is incapable of caring for herself? She’s not much older than I am and I don’t get it. I gotta tell you, I would be seriously pissed if anyone started dictating to me, down to what I was allowed to eat

LCIS, extensive sclerosing adenosis, TAH/BSO & partial omentectomy for mucinous borderline ovarian tumor.
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Jul 8, 2019 01:42AM Cowgirl13 wrote:

I was 63 when I was diagnosed and I didn't need anyone living with me. It would have driven me nuts.

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the Devil says: 'Oh crap! She's up! Dx 5/28/2009, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ Surgery 6/15/2009 Chemotherapy 8/2/2009 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Radiation Therapy 12/21/2009 Hormonal Therapy 2/22/2010 Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Jul 8, 2019 02:53AM Kkmay wrote:

Hi ladies

Thank you for all your responses 🙏🏻

I moved with her because she asked me to do so. At the beginning, she couldn't do anything because of chemo-induced fatigue. She wanted me with her. She was too scared to be alone. I talked to her today about moving out and she told "why would leave me alone? What if something happened to me?". I'm really not sure what to do :/ I'll probably seek the help of a therapist. I think I still stay with her. However, I'll only do things that she asks me to do. I will not out of my way to help if it comes out that way. My intention was to help her, but apparently it was misunderstood.

Dx 1/22/2019, IDC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIIB, Grade 2, ER-/PR-, HER2- (FISH) Chemotherapy 2/16/2019 AC + T (Taxol)
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Jul 8, 2019 02:56AM - edited Jul 9, 2019 04:50PM by Meow13

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Jul 8, 2019 03:49AM godisone wrote:

dear, i believe that your mom is saying so as doesn't want to you to completely exhaust yourself. she is your mother and she understands that you have been doing a lot for her and during this process you have tired yourself a way too much... if she'll be all nice and thankful to all that you are doing for her then you would do everything with more intensity and she doesn't want to trouble you so much and that's why she is shooing you away by abusing you so that you get away from her and get to do what you ought to do rather than just running after well being. As a mother and a daughter i understand the scenario, she loves you and that's all . you can take a break while you appoint some professional for this work, i promise you would see a change in her behavior towards you. don't worry about her so much..yes, you can visit the doctor with her but rest of the times a professional nurse or caregiver can do the necessary taking care of her part. I understand that you love her but she needs to see you grow in your life and not just as a caregiver.take care. bless you and your mom.

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Jul 8, 2019 04:09AM ShetlandPony wrote:

I think this can be solved by communicating more, whether it's the two of you on your own, or with a facilitator (perhaps the cancer center social worker). Reassess the situation. Both of your needs and wishes may be different now than at the beginning. Mom should say what help she does and dies not want currently, and who she would prefer to do it (daughter or others),and daughter can say what she is up for and what she would rather have delegated. For example, I remember when I was on IV chemo I really appreciated by husband accompanying me. At the same time I had to tell him that while I did sometimes need help in the kitchen, I felt It was my territory and I needed to be allowed to do as much as I was able to there. Back then I needed him to hold my hand for blood draws, whereas now they are so routine that we both agree his need to use that time for his own work or rest is a priority. Recognize that things change, and communicate.

2011 Stage I ILC ER+PR+ Her2- 1.5 cm grade 1, ITCs sn . Lumpectomy, radiation, tamoxifen. 2014 Stage IV ILC ER+PR+Her2- grade 2, mets to breast , liver. Taxol NEAD. 2015,2016 Ibrance+letrozole. 2017 Faslodex+Afnitor; Xeloda. 2018,2019 Xeloda NEAD
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Jul 8, 2019 10:44AM santabarbarian wrote:

kkmay,

Even on this site there are some people who get very bothered by other people's suggestions or approaches. I notice how many people seem to get upset or defensive when i have commented about the dietary choices I have made, the supplements, the complimentary practices. Nobody wants to feel they are "doing it wrong" or might have been doing it "wrong" in the past. Nobody wants to feel accused of causing or worsening their own illness. To change one's diet acknowledges the fact of possibly having eaten poorly in the past, for example. And if one's doctors do not support these other practices, it can be a case of "don't tell me my doctor is 'wrong.'"

I notice a lot of people here who want to keep eating milkshakes and mac and cheese who say "well, my vegan yoga teacher got cancer; so there!" They point to a data point of one to kill the whole nutrition or exercise argument (even though the % of vegan yoga teachers who get ill may be way lower than the % of couch potatoes). Some of us prefer a more fatalistic mentality and others choose a more proactive approach. Sounds like your mom is fatalistic and you are proactive which is the source of the irritation. For a fatalistic person, it is self-evident that cancer strikes at random, hitting vegan yoga teachers too-- so they don't have to make changes. For a proactive person, it's self-evident that cancer indicates a need for systemic & lifestyle changes. It's hard for one kind of person to "get" the other's way.

pCR after neoadjuvant chemo w/ integrative practices Dx 7/13/2018, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- (FISH) Chemotherapy 8/13/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 12/27/2018 Lumpectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 2/11/2019 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes
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Jul 8, 2019 11:15AM - edited Jul 8, 2019 11:15AM by Kkmay

Santabarbarian- I have noticed that your mentality is very close to mine. I believe that food has a great role in causeing/treating cancer. I know a lot of people still don't believe it, but I have read so many clinical trails, research papers, books and medical articles that proved the apposite. I also believe that psychological problems/ stress can trigger chronic illness in human beings. Unfortunately, my mom thinks her cancer is just bad luck, and there is nothing other than traditional medicine to beat it. Although I strongly believe in the power of modern medicine, I think a great diet and a set of well chosen supplements can tremendously improve the treatment response.

Dx 1/22/2019, IDC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIIB, Grade 2, ER-/PR-, HER2- (FISH) Chemotherapy 2/16/2019 AC + T (Taxol)
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Jul 8, 2019 12:04PM santabarbarian wrote:

The ACEs Study has proved the connection between early traumatic stress and later physical illnesses including cancer.

pCR after neoadjuvant chemo w/ integrative practices Dx 7/13/2018, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- (FISH) Chemotherapy 8/13/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 12/27/2018 Lumpectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 2/11/2019 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes
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Jul 8, 2019 12:08PM - edited Jul 8, 2019 12:36PM by wrenn

Kkmay some of the confusion might be coming from your profile appearing to say that you have breast cancer so members might assume you know how it feels to have the diagnosis. Maybe you can put a qualifier in your profile to let people know that you don't have cancer and that you are here to let people know that your mother is not following your beliefs regarding the disease.

I think if your statement "I also believe that psychological problems/ stress can trigger chronic illness in human beings." is true then you need to decrease the pressure you are putting on your mother to follow your beliefs. She is dealing with a lot and going at her for things like diet is not helping.

As an anecdote I lived on chocolate milk, mac and cheese, pizza and desserts at my most stressful times. Was nearly 300 lbs (not much less now) am 72 years old, am also triple negative and I am doing fine. I took a bus by myself to chemo and back, my hemoglobin was 88 after mastectomy so I used a walker for a while but I managed on my own. My daughter was available if I wanted help but I needed to keep stress to a minimum.

Metaplastic IDC Triple negative...Tumour is 1.5cm. BMX Aug. 16th. Chemo cancelled after one dose due to complications. Dx 7/25/2013, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/6 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Surgery 8/16/2013 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left, Right
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Jul 8, 2019 01:17PM Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx wrote:

I think that a cancer dx puts all relationships problems on the table (specially family ones) and neither of us know how are we going to react to it. I mean, she is dealing with a nightmare right now, and of course you too. Maybe it is not a bad idea to get a therapist for you, to put in order your feelings about all of this. HUGS

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Jul 8, 2019 04:21PM - edited Jul 8, 2019 09:02PM by Beesie

"I believe that food has a great role in causing/treating cancer. I know a lot of people still don't believe it, but I have read so many clinical trails, research papers, books and medical articles that proved the apposite. I also believe that psychological problems/ stress can trigger chronic illness in human beings. Unfortunately, my mom thinks her cancer is just bad luck, and there is nothing other than traditional medicine to beat it. Although I strongly believe in the power of modern medicine, I think a great diet and a set of well chosen supplements can tremendously improve the treatment response."

Well, perhaps we've found the source of at least some of the conflict.

Your mother is the cancer patient. Therefore it's 100% up to her on how to proceed with regard to diet and supplements. Your thoughts and opinions on the topic are irrelevant unless your mother specifically asks for your input & advice and specifically asks you to decide for her what she should eat and what supplements she should take. If she hasn't asked for this, then yes, as she said, you are wasting your money. I can see why she would be upset. Although it may be true that your choices are better for her, you cannot and should not push your choices and beliefs onto her. Of course, while providing her with the foods that she asks for, you can of course buy and prepare whatever you want for yourself. Over time she might want to try some of what you are having, but again, that's up to her.

As an FYI, for years I've been doing the grocery shopping for my now 94-year-old mother. I buy only what she asks me to buy (down to the brand, if she knows which brand she prefers), and I don't pass judgement on her choices. I may suggest some things, and sometimes she agrees and other times she doesn't. That's fine.

Since your mother asked you to move in and clearly wants you to stay, I would suggest that you communicate with her about what errands and tasks you wants you to help out with. Then do those things, and only those things. Let her know that if she wants additional assistance, she just has to ask. And if she complains about your help with a task that she asked you to help out with, remind her that she asked for your assistance. Find out if she still wants the help in that area and if so, find out if there is another way that she would prefer that the task be done. You are there to help her, and you are in her environment. That is very challenging for you, but remember that you are there because the illness and her treatments have taken from her some of her ability to do for herself. That no doubt is very difficult for her.

Edited for typos only (these days it seems my iPad has a brain - a dysfunctional brain- of it's own).

“No power so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear.” Edmund Burke
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Jul 9, 2019 12:14AM bella2013 wrote:

I believe there is a dynamic at work between adult children, especially daughters, and our aging parents. There comes a time in the relationship when the roles reverse. We, the adult children, take on the parenting role as our parents become needy as they begin to lose some independence as they age. Sometimes the role reversal transitions smoothly and other times our parents are not ready for that transition and refuse to graciously accept help. I was the caregiver for both my Mom & Dad for over six years. They lived in our home for three years. My Mom was a stroke patient and was full assist. I did have caregivers come in and help out. I couldn’t do it all myself. My mother’s condition pretty much determined the role reversals. But I always respected their desires, i.e., groceries they wanted not what I mandated they eat.

After my parents passed (72 days apart), I decompressed for three months. I sat on my sofa and watched Hallmark movies. I was so spent of energy. As the year passed I realized that I lost all my boundaries. I had been letting people take advantage of my time and talents. I learned to say no. I dropped friends who wouldn’t respect my boundaries. It took a couple of years to find myself.

Kkmay, I am sharing this to encourage you to set boundaries with your Mom. Don’t do more than she is asking or needs and don’t accept her insults when she hurls them at you. Just because she has cancer doesn’t mean she can verbally abuse you. She needs to find another outlet for her anger over having cancer.

You are a good daughter and your intentions are well meant. It is really up to your Mom to invest in her health and healing from cancer. If she doesn’t want to invest her time in finding lifestyle changes that could prevent a recurrence then you can’t make her do it. My biggest frustration with friends that are diagnosed with BC is when they do not have a need to know. They don’t have a need to know the specifics of their type of cancer, the choices available to them regarding treatment and reconstruction. They just want to bury their head in the sand. If your mother is like this there is just not a lot you can do. It might turn out that you two living together is not the answer. You can still help her in the areas that she requests help...but it doesn’t mean you have to live with her.

I am 62 and I feel certain that by 66 I will not be ready to abdicate my Mom tiara...cancer recurrence or not.

I am praying for you both to find common ground and peace. I hope some of this will be helpful to you.

Sending (((hugs)))...

Bella2013

Diagnosed at 60 years old. Oncotype Score=14. Dx 12/4/2017, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IB, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 1/3/2018 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Surgery 2/21/2018 Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Jul 9, 2019 08:12AM edwards750 wrote:

Excellent response Bella. You nailed it.

Diane

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Jul 9, 2019 08:36AM - edited Jul 9, 2019 09:12AM by ShetlandPony

While diet and psychological issues such as stress likely have a role in cancer and in treatment response in at least some cases, factors out of our knowledge and control, such as genetics, play a much bigger role. Much much bigger. Focusing a lot on diet gives one a sense of control, which can make the onlooker feel safer: This won't happen to me because I eat correctly. My loved one will be ok if she eats correctly. But this focus can come pretty close to blaming the victim, from the patient's point of view. Not surprisingly, we resent this.

2011 Stage I ILC ER+PR+ Her2- 1.5 cm grade 1, ITCs sn . Lumpectomy, radiation, tamoxifen. 2014 Stage IV ILC ER+PR+Her2- grade 2, mets to breast , liver. Taxol NEAD. 2015,2016 Ibrance+letrozole. 2017 Faslodex+Afnitor; Xeloda. 2018,2019 Xeloda NEAD
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Jul 9, 2019 09:52AM santabarbarian wrote:

SP I think in my case diet WAS important... Eating a clean diet, I have lost about 20 lbs from my former weight and w supplements a bunch of my minor aches and pains (hip, knee) have disappeared. I was pretty healthy before for a 57 year old, but I feel much healthier now.

I have no known genetic defect, per Foundation One. I breastfed for a total of 6 years. I had a low BMI and good fitness.

I think of it as a freak occurrence that a tumor developed, but I was probably undernourished before and ate too much sugar/carbs/booze and that did not help me. I also had DES exposure as a baby in utero (endocrine disruptor) which is likely to be a factor in my case as it doubles post menopausal cancer rate in exposed women.

pCR after neoadjuvant chemo w/ integrative practices Dx 7/13/2018, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- (FISH) Chemotherapy 8/13/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 12/27/2018 Lumpectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 2/11/2019 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes
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Jul 11, 2019 12:13PM wallycat wrote:

I have found that when people say "I didn't ask you to do it" what they are really saying is "thank you that I didn't have to ask you to do this and I feel guilty that I need you to do it."


Dx 4/07 1 month before turning 50; ILC 1.8cm, ER+/PR+, HER2 neg., Stage 1, Grade 2, 0/5 nodes. Onco score 20, Bilateral Mast., tamoxifen 3-1/2 years, arimidex-completed 4/20/2012

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