Jul 31, 2019 05:44PM
so I'm in radiation aND on tamoxifen. nearly a year dealing with idc. Sept I had a lumpectomy with slight reduction. it was a seriously botched job. I can't get into details. I had 6 Mos of chemo. I have and had severe side effects from the chemo...again a botched job and can't write here.Bf was not supportive. from the start...save the boob no matter what...blablabla. we have 2 kids. at thanksgiving I had thrush, he invites his family to dinner. me shopping, paying for it all, baking it all and cleaning it up. not a real problem to do for my kids...but really? no one can help? he did watch the kids in the morning every 3 weeks and then every week...as they can't come in the chemo room. I took them to my appointments otherwise.
I really needed to call transportation anyhow, as my neuropathy is bad...the worst. it's in my bowels, bladder, face...legs, arms. I'm probably going to get a cane...which is embarassing. btw...I'm in my 40s and this is my 3rd cancer. (no drinking or smoking btw.)
IN april, I had a follow up mammogram (I seduced super early in am.) he didn't even remember...and I had begged him to go in case it was like my last one...
In June I needed a mastectomy. he refused to take me. I made other arrangements and he reluctantly drove me. I didn't know the car needed gas do I heard about it...and added some. I got sick from the anesthesia and managed to hold it until home and kids in house. puki g in front yard...he yells from door- look how pathetic you are couldn't even make it in the door.
Now I'm in radiation. yes everyday for awhile. he is going nuts and forgot my first app with the CT scan...I had to bring the kids. he us so mad about it he called the scheduler and said he was going to lose his job (he makes his own hours/self employed) to get me in 1st app every day. so I get up at 530a.m. to be thete. I come home and he doesn't leave for work for hours. then he wakes and on way out door says how I can thank him for doing that for me. blablabla.
I think he has been to 5 apppintments. trust me...I think I've had hundreds. yes, I understand he needs to work. yes, he has bathed the kids a handful of times this last year, and poked me a few baked potatoes. but if he mows the yard on the tractor...he comes and yells at me. I can thank him now. how I couldn't do the grass without him.
Says if I can't be appreciate I can't use his car. I called my insurance for transportation...so now I need to get up even earlier.
HE is a general contractor and so he makes big bucks. The majority of his money goes to his "toys." classic cars, etc. One of his cars is 1k a month payment. on the other hand, I struggle. I have my own business...obviously suffering . ..and every cent goes feeding us, clothing, medical, gas, phone, internet.
He makes fun of how I look...refuses to look. I wanted to get a prosthetic...and it took 2 weeks for him to agree to watch the kids. I finally just told him id walk around flat...that did it.
He refused to look at my Advanced Directive...which I turned in today. (he has no responsibilities . ..I wanted him to witness it and I thought I'd try to discuss it.)
We were to get married...ha...but he wanted a prenump...and he wanted it to state he wouldn't be responsible for any medical bills should I die. I pay the...but thanks. you can't write that in. no tears here.
He says I'm the *itch because I'm unappreciative. I'm just tired. I really am. after a year of this...I've had enough. I've kept all my "stuff up"... chores...bills...etc.
2 weeks ago, he sponsored a car show. was to have help and didn't so I ran registration, food, 50/50 etc. he raised 1k for the fire dept. I ended up leaving a bit early as my feet were on fire (heat/neuropathy ) and he was mad and yelled at me. ???? I registered 80 cars.
Anyhow, in the mornings... I told him I would just like for him to be up and ready for work if I'm getting up at 5 a.m. he says its his house he can do what he wants and doesn't even need to go into work some days...it's his choice. I told I'm he's n a $$and doesn't even now how much of an a $$. he will respond...it's your cancer you deal with it. I have my career, he says. (btw...it rains nearly every afternoon...and he cuts his day short. there isn't any talking with him.)
I'm on Tamoxifen...and it does stink...I'm sure I get grouchy. but really...am I being a problem/ungrateful?
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