Topic: Sister already saying iI’m causing her stress

Forum: Family and Family Planning Matters — A comforting place to discuss planning a family, fertility concerns, parenting children, or relationship issues with partners, siblings, or parents following a diagnosis.

Posted on: Aug 6, 2019 06:55PM

Posted on: Aug 6, 2019 06:55PM

Snaffle53 wrote:

Gee, tried to lean on my one and only alive sibling tonight before my procedure tomorrow. I got an earful on how i’m going to need to find the strength to get through this by myself. Insensitive much?

I guess even a health crisis can’t turn someone into somebody they are not. But her comments felt hurtful and harsh.

I’ve been doing pretty well with all this until my sister’s comments tonight. I am strong. I’ve been through more than anyone but my therapist knows. I will get through this. I guess I asked the wrong person for a little hand holding tonight. Time to put my big girl panties on and stand on my own two feet, I guess. Still, it’s a disappointment.

Dx 8/23/2019, Right, 2/9 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 8/28/2019 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 2/25/2020 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left Surgery 2/25/2020 Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary
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Aug 6, 2019 08:33PM - edited Aug 6, 2019 08:34PM by cindyny

I'm not sure what procedure you're having, but there are forums on here for lumpectomy and I believe masectomy too. Reach out on one of them and you will get a lot of support.

Best of luck to you.

dx at 58, no family history, onco = 19 Dx 10/6/2017, DCIS/IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/5 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/1/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Surgery 11/14/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left) Radiation Therapy 12/26/2017 Whole breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 3/1/2018 Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Aug 6, 2019 08:42PM DiagnosisDisruption wrote:

It is quite crazy who shows up for you after a cancer diagnosis, and who ducks out. Family I though would be there, were nowhere around, and others I hadn't talked to in years, sent me stuff from Amazon and Costco frequently. They each take the news differently. Still, I'm sorry your flesh and blood put you in this spot.

Good luck with your surgery!

Dx 12/8/2017, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ Targeted Therapy 1/23/2018 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/23/2018 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Chemotherapy 1/23/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 5/23/2018 Lumpectomy: Left Surgery 6/12/2018 Lumpectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 7/18/2018 Whole breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 10/10/2018 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Aug 6, 2019 11:18PM wised wrote:

Good luck with your surgery. I will sit with you for a time until you feel calm. Cancer does something strange to our relationships, some relationships aren't sturdy enough to withstand the pressure that comes along with the endless tests, appointments, scans, caustic drugs, surgeries, etc... Some people have not developed the skill set they need to be a supportive person. I hope you will be happy surprised by the people who do show up to support you.


Stage 3 colon cancer treated in 2015/16. Factor 13 bleeding disorder. OncotypeDX 8. Lymphedema dx 3/19. Dx 9/12/2018, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 10/10/2018 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Hormonal Therapy 10/18/2018 Arimidex (anastrozole) Radiation Therapy 11/19/2018 Whole breast: Breast
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Aug 7, 2019 09:04AM edwards750 wrote:

Snaffle - that is disappointing. If you can’t rely on your family who can you count on? Mine was supportive plus my sister and I and my SIL all had BC. My sister still does. Unfortunately her’s has metastasized to her stomach. It’s heartbreaking.

You can do this with or without your sister. We are proof of that.


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Aug 7, 2019 09:50AM jelson wrote:

Snaffle, I read through your other posts - you have already been through a bunch of diagnostic procedures. This is a terrible time for you - still learning the scope of the problem so no treatment plan, yet. The mostly kindly interpretation of your sister's comments would be they are the result of emotional fatigue and fear for you. Some people are incapable of providing emotional support, but they can come through with concrete assistance when they better understand what is necessary, and some people are incapable of either. I hope, in addition to the supportive community you have here, you will find friends and acquaintances near you to provide you with everything you need and I hope your sister surprises you in a good way.

Dx 4/17/2009, DCIS, <1cm, Stage 0, Grade 3, 0/0 nodes, ER+/PR+
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Dec 18, 2021 12:05AM vidal1993 wrote:

snaffle I am replying late but want to offer my support. My wife’s sister turned her back on us completely after my wife was diagnosed with stage 2a in June 2019, and has essentially had no contact with my wife since then. It is very painful to see my wife so hurt and upset over it. My wife’s mother died of cancer in 2008, so perhaps it brings back painful memories. But one would think she would step up to be there for her sister. I dont understand it and it makes me angry.

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