Topic: My health destroyed my family

Forum: Family and Family Planning Matters — A comforting place to discuss planning a family, fertility concerns, parenting children, or relationship issues with partners, siblings, or parents following a diagnosis.

Posted on: Aug 7, 2019 08:02AM

Posted on: Aug 7, 2019 08:02AM

YogaJunkie wrote:

Hi there,

I’m new to this forum, and generally reaching out for help on a number of topics. I’m 1.5 years in remission, diagnosed in January of 2018 and finished treatment in May of 2018 with 10 years of Tamoxifen in my future (I’m 37). I have a high stress job (lawyer) and was threatened with a pay cut after I took TWO WEEKS off for my bilateral mastectomy. I still had my JP tubes in when I went back to work, and was told that my lack of rest probably contributed to a delayed and complicated recovery. I went back to work and did everything I could think of to take care of myself. I was working out non-stop, and taking a lot of “me time” after I finished treatment. My husband and I started fighting more than normal, and I felt like we were growing apart. It only took a few months of that for my marriage to totally fall apart. Three months after I finished treatment, we separated. Three months after that, we sold our home and moved into separate apartments. My family turned against my husband, and my husband against my family. They all feel like “the other” is not doing enough to support/love/care for me. But what has resulted is that the people closest to me have been so preoccupied with fighting that they have not noticed they are ALL making things worse for me. My husband and I are working on it, but there is still a rift between him and my family. None of them talk. Moreover, none of them realize how much I need them - I’ve developed a lot of complications after treatment and am not tolerating Tamoxifen well at all. They all assume that since I look ok on the outside, that I must be ok on the inside, when I am not. All of this is to say that I feel like BC destroyed my life. I know that is probably an inflated view, but it is how I am feeling and it is making it difficult to feel grateful for recovery. Did anyone else have family problems after BC?

Thanks for any advice.

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Oct 3, 2021 07:25PM exbrnxgrl wrote:


Yoga junkie has not signed on to bco for more than two years and this thread has been inactive for over two years as well. Take care

Dx IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, Grade 1, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Oct 3, 2021 08:24PM - edited Oct 3, 2021 08:25PM by seeq

Vidal, you might try looking the Caring for Someone with Breast Cancer Forum (under Community Connections on the All Topics page) You're more likely to find someone who is going or has gone through what you're experiencing.

De novo diagnosis with large/numerous liver mets. Breast lump identified one month later. Hormonal Therapy 7/2/2020 Arimidex (anastrozole) Targeted Therapy 7/9/2020 Verzenio
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Oct 4, 2021 01:34PM salamandra wrote:

Hey Vidal,

I hope you are getting some kind of therapeutic support - therapy, support group, social worker, etc, just for you.

Here is a study that was very validating for me:

Excerpt: Analysis of the CANTO cohort published in the journal Annals of Oncology will upset received wisdom on the effects that hormone therapy and chemotherapy have on the quality of life in women with breast cancer. Contrary to the commonly held view, 2 years after diagnosis, hormone therapy, a highly effective breast cancer treatment worsens quality of life to a greater extent and for a longer time...

It might be meaningful for your wife, yourself, and directly or indirectly for your family.

I would also say that many women have found alleviation from the side effects of tamoxifen by changing brands, changing timing of doses or doses, or changing drugs to an alternative SERM like toremifene or to OS/AI. If this is something your wife is interested in, she can find a lot of our experiences throughout the boards.

Dx at 39. 1.8cm. Oncotype 9. Dx 9/19/2018, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 10/17/2018 Lumpectomy; Lymph node removal Hormonal Therapy 11/1/2018 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Radiation Therapy 12/2/2018 Whole breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 12/18/2019 Fareston (toremifene)
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Oct 5, 2021 02:54AM rah2464 wrote:

Thanks for the link, Salamandra. While I didn't do chemo, am certainly feeling the effects of three years in on the anti-hormonals. Its a love/hate relationship ha

Dx 5/23/2018, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 6/26/2018 Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left); Mastectomy (Right); Reconstruction (Left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (Right): Silicone implant Hormonal Therapy 7/26/2018 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Oct 5, 2021 05:45PM vidal1993 wrote:

Thanks. I saw that, but only after I posted.

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Oct 7, 2021 07:32PM vidal1993 wrote:

Thank you Salamandra.

I will take a look at this study.

I have not got therapy yet, but may consider it. The cancer experience for a caregiver is far harder than I ever imagined it would be when we started this journey more than 2 years ago.

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Oct 25, 2021 03:50AM Joseph_34 wrote:

Thanks for sharing! Let me take a look at this study!

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