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Jun 7, 2020 10:11AM
Seilien, I hear you. I get your frustration. I'm in this boat in part, I believe, because I spent my life keeping the peace and making people feel better about things that frankly, some should NOT have FELT better about. I've been the buffer, the secret keeper, the taker carer of all things to the exclusion of myself, nice to everyone except myself. It was foolish. I'm figuring out now that being kind is one thing. Helping is one thing. But Doing for others what they can and ought to do for themselves is another, and protecting people from their own feelings about their own actions or failings, their own anything, that's not my job.
So here's what I've done. When my ex called and suggested we do something or other that I did not want to do, I said simply no. When he asked why not, I stopped myself from doing what I normally do, which is to explain justify excuse , and I did the opposite. I said “because I don't want to." And in that moment I realized that was enough of a reason. My MIL situation is easier than yours because she's not nice or well meaning, and she's my ex, but when she continued to message with stuff about my diagnosis I did not want to hear or discuss, I stopped responding.
So my advice, do what's uncharacteristic for you. Don't try to make her feel better about violating your right to talk or not talk about your own health. If you've told her you don't want to discuss it and she ignores that, then next time she texts, say simply “I have decided I do not wish to talk about my health. If there is anything new to tell, I will let you know." Then refuse to discuss it. As in, just don't respond to anything that's over the line you've drawn. Will it make people uncomfortable? Yes. They have a vested interest in you remaining who you always were, and continuing to make them feel better about whatever, continuing to keep the peace. But thing is.....in your past you kept their peace for them. In your present, yours counts too.
10/2019, ILC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 8/11 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
11/6/2019 Femara (letrozole)
2/14/2020 Prophylactic ovary removal
5/17/2020 Lymph node removal: Left; Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right
7/30/2020 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)
Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall