All Topics → Forum: For Caregivers, Family, Friends and Supporters → Topic: The Husbands Corner(for family, friends, boyfriends, ect.)
A place to share your struggles and concerns about supporting and caring for a person you love diagnosed with breast cancer with others who understand.
Posted on: Mar 31, 2014 03:43PM
Well to start off. I’m new to this forum. I have been so moved that their're people out there who care. I’m a Husband of a wonderful woman. BC is so hard to deal with and everyone on this forum has been so supportive to my wife and has really helped her. Too all you all... Thank you sooooo much. I came on here not to just say thank you, but also to give support to my beautiful wife and to lend my support to everyone else as well. To the husbands, boyfriends, friends and family the emotional ups and downs can be trying at times for all of us. First and for most, we have to support our wives/ friends/family in any way possible. They are the ones who matter most in our lives. But it does take an emotional toll on us as well. I know as a husband it’s hard to keep her spirits high. I was very lucky to have married such a wonderful person. She is truly the woman of my dreams. To see her go through this is heartbreaking. I feel like I'm helpless to help her. I find ways to put a smile on her face every day though. I get so sad when I can hear my wife crying in the bathroom when she’s taking a shower or covering up quickly so she can limit the time she sees her scares from the mastectomy, or keeping me from seeing her scares. The extended time she takes out in the gardan (her personal sanctuary). I see her trying to hold her tears back when she looks at her daughter from across the room. Her trying to hide herself from the world. What can a person do in these situations? I’m still trying to find out. Every day since I met my wife i have thanked her for being a part of my life. Every day i have told her how beautiful she is. I would gladly trade places with her. I don’t know what to say, but, it’s just hard. I’m so focused on beating this disease. I’m not giving up my wife to a bunch of deranged cells. Me and my wife are going to kick cancer ass!!! Plain and simple!!!
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Posts 61 - 79 (79 total)
Apr 30, 2016 12:26PM ragman wrote:
Homehelp, good to know. I'm good, had surgery (robotic, Dr Ash Tewari Mt Sinai, NYC) a year ago January, and as of last January at the one year mark my PSA was undetectable. Negative margins, no ECE, NEG LYMPH NODES, G7(3+4) (upgraded fro g6 on biopsy) and 5% involved by tumor, so I'm hopeful
I only wish there was a marker for breast cancer that was as reliable (for recurrence) as PSA. Seems like CA15-3 is not that reliable, from what I've read
Dec 3, 2017 05:57PM Fvcast75 wrote:
My wife was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in September, when I took her to the ER for a fall one night. She had been feeling a pain in her lower back and thought it might be due to bending over awkwardly to pull something out of the oven. The pain began to radiate down her right leg, so she thought she might just be feeling the symptoms of a sciatic nerve pinch from the back pain and decided to take a day to rest. The day of rest turned into a week and then her neck and shoulders started to hurt, a lot. She kept saying it was because she was in bed all day and that it would get better. The pain in her neck turned out to be a tumor pressing on the spinal cord, causing pain in her shoulders and weakness in her limbs. This resulted in the fall. The next day, I took her to the ER.
After a day of scans and labs, we have a conversation with the oncologist. H is certain that it is metastatic breast cancer that is presenting in her spine. C4 was completely destroyed by the cancer and she needed emergency surgery to address that, or she would not be walking very soon. The other lesion is on her L4 vertebrae and caused a stress fracture, which is still causing her terrible pain.
We did not have insurance while at the hospital because we couldn't afford the premiums. I have signed up through ACA, but that doesn't go into effect until January. She has applied for assistance through Harris Health and had to make an appointment to establish care before she could get a referral to see an oncologist. I have all the information regarding the recent diagnosis from the hospital in hand at the appointment, but that wasn't enough. The pathology of the tumor removed in her surgery came back inconclusive twice, but labs for the tumor marker came back elevated. The doctor was in agreement that she needed to consult with an onc, but could not refer her to one because the pathology report came back inconclusive. While all this is going on, we are still waiting for feedback on her application for SSI.
I was laid off from a great paying job with amazing insurance last spring. I finally found a job this past summer, but making lest than half of what I was previously. She had a small business out of the home, selling hand made journals and notebooks. With her unable to make anything right now, we are short that income.
I am frustrated. With myself, with cancer, with bureaucracy. Right now, without insurance, we need something like $10,000 to get a consult with an onc. I think I am doing something wrong, but we have been assured that we are taking all the correct steps and just need to be patient. How patient? Wait for the records I brought to her appointment to be scanned in to their system (7-14 days), for the records to be evaluated. It took a month to get the appointment. Will it take that long to get the referral? By the time that has been done, the insurance through the ACA will have kicked in. We will have to go through all this again. See a primary and hope to get a referral for an onc. Will this take another two or three months?
Throughout all of this, my wife has been strong. Determined to stay positive. There are days, though, when it's difficult. The other day after the appointment to establish care and nothing to show for it, but reassurances from me that she will eventually get the care she needs was a difficult day.
Dec 4, 2017 01:27PM lilyp6 wrote:
I'm so sorry that you find yourself here. I wish this thread had more activity, because sometimes it can be easier to be the patient than the caregiver. I hope you get some answers as soon as feasibly possible. Once you have those details, please consider reaching out on one of the more specific boards. I have seen several posts by husbands who ask to participate on different threads. In my opinion, their contributions have been helpful to themselves, and to us.
Dec 12, 2017 07:26AM RosieG wrote:
I'm so sorry to hear about your wife's illness and the difficulties you've had with insurance. It sounds like your wife has a strong attitude to the situation, and I'm sure that by battling through the bureaucracy on her behalf, you're taking a lot of the burden off of her. It's incredibly frustrating to deal with all the phone calls and paperwork that goes along with the illness, and it's wonderful that you're fighting through it all while giving her time to focus on resting. I hope you can find a caregiver support group or something similar in your local area - caregiving encompasses so many areas of loving someone with cancer, and it's definitely a good idea to seek out some support for yourself too.
Wishing you and your wife all the very best and a peaceful holiday period
Dec 27, 2017 08:04PM Etxpiney wrote:
Hello, My wife 44 has brain mets and just had WBR and the doctor told her today she had 5 tumors still. He said she can't have radiation anymore so I'm not sure where they go from here. She was also diagnosed with caner on her tail bone. They want to start chemo on this.
I'm not sure what to do except be supportive and strong for her. It kills me to see the person who's my wife and also best friend and know that the odds aren't in her favor. Not sure how I'll ever deal with that. You have fun time but then reality always come back and its so hard to deal with. I've never not wanted the days to pass by like I do know. I always couldn't wait for something but not anymore. I'm trying to enjoy every single day I have with her. Anyway, I'm just rambling
Mar 25, 2018 06:34AM Pmopmo wrote:
My wife was diagnosed with BC this week. We don’t really know anything yet except that it’s also in the lymph nodes (how we stumbled upon it). My wife is 30 and our two kids both have bdays in the next month. I, like you, am trying to be as supportive as I can but am having trouble dealing with this huge life change. I find my mind wondering to worst case scenarios but am trying very hard to avoid this. I truly believe in the power of positive thinking. Im sending my positive vibes to you.
Mar 25, 2018 07:18PM Moderators wrote:
Welcome to the BCO community. We are sorry for what you brought you here but glad that you reached out. Please let us know more of your story and how our members can be of support. The Mods
Mar 28, 2018 02:40PM Outdoorstom1 wrote:
My wife had triple negative breast cancer nine years ago. She wanted to be proactive and decided to have a hysterectomy and the afternoon before the surgery they were doing an ultrasound and found uterine cancer. The hysterectomy took care of that, but she went through chemo and radiation for the BC. Two weeks ago while investigating shortness of breath, a cat scan showed nodules too innumerable to count on both lungs. The report said "highly suspicious of metastatic disease" or "atypical microbacterial infection". Of course we were praying it was an infection. We went to Moffit in Tampa and met with an oncologist last Friday. He looked at the scan and said it's cancer, andhas spread from somewhere else. My wife has a PET/CT scan scheduled for Monday and a biopsy next Wednesday. We are beside ourselves....the waiting is the worst part.
Mar 28, 2018 11:10PM edwards750 wrote:
I am so sorry you guys and your wives are dealing with this insidious disease.
I went in for an exam because I had a pain in my back I thought was due to lifting my twin 2 year old grandsons. During the course of the exam the PA ruled out pneumonia from a blood test they did while I was there but she said one of my lungs was not all clear. I didn’t have shortness of breath but I do have constant allergies. Regardless she ordered a chest X-ray and found lots of lung nodules. She said I needed to go to the Cancer Clinic where I had my treatment the next day. I said I would wait for they radiologist report. She said he would agree with her. He didn’t.
I got a call the next day that the radoologist said my chestX-ray was normal. He was very detailed in his report. Needless to say I didn’t make an appointment with my oncologist.
In Tennessee where I live a lot of people have them because a virus of some sort transmitted by birds. Bizarre but true.
I hope the oncologist is wrong and it is an infection and not the cancer spreading.
Praying for both of you guys. This is a difficult time but try and have faith. I’m 7 years out this August. No guarantees for any of us.
Mar 29, 2018 01:55PM Daniel86 wrote:
I, too am a husband in y'all's same boat! My wife was diagnosed with BC a few days ago. She is 39 and had lymphoma 12 years ago. Needless to say, it was a rude awakening to find out that cancer is back with a vengeance somewhere different. She is absolutely devastated, most of all because doctors have keep saying for weeks her lump looked suspicious but nothing more. They are going to finalize her cancer staging next week and I am deathly afraid it has spread everywhere due to her random pain all over her body. We already know it's at least in her armpit lymph nodes...
I can't bring myself to think about anything else and can't help but picture bad scenarios coming our way. We have a 6yo and I am simply petrified at the thought of existing without her
Apr 13, 2018 02:07PM Engine104 wrote:
Just checking in here. My wife is having a mastectomy next Tuesday. It's our third go -round with the this. She had a lumpectomy and radiation 22 years ago and then had acute leukemia 16 years ago. I really thought we were done with this, but I guess not.
In any case, I've been a caregiver twice previously and once again now, so I hope I can provide some insight.
All the best,