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Jan 6, 2016 07:48PM
MsPharoah - I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this disease both as a loved one and as the one actually going through it. :( At least my mother got a few more years than yours. Thank you for the kind words.
Noni - I'm sorry about the loss of your mom. I'm glad she wasn't immobile for too long, but I'm sad for your family that she went so quickly. Mom had said a few months ago that she was getting tired of it, but it was a passing thing. She didn't mention it again, but I think it was just because she didn't want to worry us. Always putting herself last. <3
Hydranne - I'm so sorry you're suffering from this terrible disease. My thoughts are with you. The ongoing treatment when you know you can't really be cured must be brutal. It was hard watching my mom deal with it. It makes me so sad that there are numerous other people in the same situation. <3 Your thoughts do sound like my mom. She didn't let us have a funeral; my dad just convinced her to let us have a small graveside. She wanted us to "have a loud and happy party with good food and memories." We tried. She was a homemaker, so she always said her family was her life and she wanted to see us all happy.
As for your wish for yourself, I hope when your time comes, it is the same thing. My mom's sister's partner died after a two-year battle with tonsil cancer three years ago. When she visited about six months ago, she kept telling my mom all of the particulars of hospice and what my uncle went through. After she left, my mom told me, "Why did she have to tell me all of that stuff?! I don't want to deal with any of that!" When the doctor gave her a few months, she said she was not looking forward to hospice at all. "You know me. I'm an independent lady!" I'm glad she was on hospice for just a day. She detested morphine when they gave it to her to deal with a giant tumor in her spine. That's what she would have been on for the rest of her life had she lasted longer.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm so sorry you're also inflicted with this illness. I've been donating to the BCRF and I absolutely don't want to see more people go through this. I'm certainly scared for my sister and myself when we're older, too. Mom's was estrogen positive, so my doctor told me I need to be vigilant about my estrogen levels when menopause hits. She recommended tamoxifen when I get into "the change." My mom said that tamoxifen was the worst thing ever, though. "Why would anyone who doesn't have cancer put themselves through this just to possibly prevent it?!" Makes me want to say, "Thanks, but no thanks!"
kayb - I'm so sorry you lost your mom and your dad in such a rapid succession. That must have been brutal. To not have either of your parents last to a ripe old age is heartbreaking. I hope my dad lasts for a while. Both of my parents have strong faith, though, so he told me 70 is old enough for him. He just wants to get to my mom and "have afterlife travels." I hope they get that. <3
I'm so sorry you didn't get a chance to say goodbye to your mom. I did, more or less, although I didn't realize the last time I spoke to her would be the last time. She had a chance to say "I'll miss you guys bunches and bunches" and to kiss my hand. And I had the chance to tell her that I loved her and she was my very favorite person. She got mad at me, though, because my dad was sitting there and she didn't want me to hurt his feelings because I didn't say he was my favorite person. Whoops...
farmerlucy - I'm so sorry you also lost your mom at a young age. Fifty years is an age to live without your mom. If I get to a ripe old age, that's what I'm looking at. Thanks for the words of comfort and the prayers. <3
I'm just really struggling with the idea that she's past now, not present. Sometimes I almost forget when I'm concentrating on something else. I'll think, "Gosh, Mom would love that!" or "I should show Mom that." The sad bit is that when she's been gone a while, I won't even accidentally think that. The more days go by, the more real it becomes. I don't want her to be "past." I want to keep her right here with me. It's like I want to keep this pain longer so I'll still feel close to her, like she's still here. That's probably weird.
I don't want her to just fade away. If anyone is interested, this is her obituary. I want more people to know how great she was. I wrote it, so the writing is probably too sappy.