Jan 25, 2016 11:01AM Englishmummy wrote:
Are you close enough to just hold her? I say that because my mother lives in Spain, I'm in the U.S. She always stroked my hair when I had my head in her lap as a little girl and was upset....she couldn't get here when I was first dx, but she told my husband to comfort me like that, I was 41. The power of human touch is amazing. She would talk to me for hours on the phone or Skype but she only listened to what I would tell her about dx/treatment/surgery. She never made me any promises or even that it would be ok, she only told me I was the strongest person she knew and how much she loved me. Later, she told me positive stories of women she knows who went through this in their forties, these women are now 68+. Even though she is far away, we are very close - this has bought us closer.
Without knowing your daughter, or her circumstances it is hard to say how to help but, but if she's open to it ask how she'd like to be helped? Cleaning house, cooking meals, taking the children, walking the dog, holding hands whilst drink tea together, researching for her, taking her to appointments and taking notes, crying with her through the fear. Be honest: Let her know you don't know what to say and you are concerned about seeming superficial, that you understand this is scary and huge. I am sure she'll cue you in on how you can assist her through this. I know this happening to me was more devastating for my mother than if it were herself (which as a mum, I understand). There are many positive stage 3 stories here, but try as hard as it is, try to keep her off 'Dr' Google, those stats are often outdated and treatments have changed. Here's a stage 3 thread https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/67/topics...
I wish your daughter all the very best. My best advice is love her, anyway you can just show her love. Xx