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Topic: Don't know what to do

Forum: Caring for Someone with Breast cancer —

A place to share your struggles and concerns about supporting and caring for a person you love diagnosed with breast cancer with others who understand.

Posted on: Aug 13, 2017 04:22AM

Eliznz wrote:

Hi there,

So my mum has just been told her Breast cancer has spread to the nearest lymph node and they've recommended chemo. She's already had a mastectomy a couple of weeks ago. She had a lumpectomy 10yrs ago and radiation while I was away at uni, but I was close enough to visit. Now I live so far away on the other side of the world from her and I don't know what to do. We've only been back here 3 months (we were home last year for 12months) so haven't really fully settled into life and could easily return, but we came here for a reason and now I don't know what to do. We were supposed to get married in December and everyone was coming out here to visit for Christmas and wedding and now not sure if this will happen if mums having chemo. She seems to think there might be a chance but I don't want her to struggle out here just for me. She needs to look after herself and we can put the wedding off or go home for it instead.

I was already struggling with the fact we'd left everyone and was it the right thing to leave family just to live in a place we loved? Surely family time and making memories, and the support is more important?? And now I don't know whether to stay here or try and move back. Or go back and visit. If the worst happens I don't want to miss out on time I could have spent with my mum

Just wondering if anyone had similar experiences and if so how did they come to a decision? I love my mum so much and she has always been there for me and the thought that I won't be there for her is killing me inside.

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Aug 13, 2017 04:34AM Meow13 wrote:

Sorry to hear about your mother. These decisions are so difficult. I used to talk to my Dad alot on the phone and visit 2 times a year for the last few years of his life. I feel good about how often we talked and visited.

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Aug 13, 2017 10:01AM Traveltext wrote:

I think these decisions are best not rushed. Your mom doesn't have late stage bc and really, if she's had the mx, the chemo should do the job. Why not hold off on the wedding plans and just support your mom via Skype until the chemo is done and tests are in. Then, if things are not looking good, return home. Even in a worst-case scenario, your mom has years to live given the treatments these days. Keep us posted.

NED breast and prostate cancer. More on Male BC

Dx 03/14, IBC, Lgth. 2cm, Stge IIIB, Gde 2B, ER+/PR+, HER2- ; FEC x3, Taxol x3; Mx & 2/23 nodes; Rads x 33; now on tamoxofin.

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Aug 13, 2017 11:33AM NotVeryBrave wrote:

Sorry to hear about your mother. Your concerns are understood. Are there other children closer? How about your father?

Maybe wait until you know what the chemo regimen will be and when it will start? It might take some pressure off you and her if you can fairly easily postpone the wedding for now.

Cancer always seems to make things look different. Sometimes that's a good thing but not always. Don't let it change your life if you were certain of your plans before.

TCHP x 6 with pCR. One year of Herceptin. DTI pre-pec surgery. Quit Tamoxifen after 3 months. Dx 11/21/2016, DCIS/IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (IHC) Targeted Therapy 12/19/2016 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy 12/19/2016 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Targeted Therapy 12/19/2016 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 5/9/2017 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (right): Silicone implant Hormonal Therapy 9/9/2017 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Hormonal Therapy 6/26/2020 Evista (raloxifene)
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Aug 13, 2017 04:24PM - edited Aug 13, 2017 04:25PM by sheila888

Your mother's situation sounds like mine..

I also had a lump ctow chemo and radiation......

The second diagnosis 10 years later it was a new cancer since it was in my other breast....

Choose lumpectomy and it was in one node......

I wasn't no longer comfortable so I decided to have a BMX followed by 4 cycles of chemo.

So far I'm okay

I wish her the best



Sheila♥ Dx 4/8/2005, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ Dx 8/21/2015, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 10/12/2015 Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right Dx 11/2018, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/lungs, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2-

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